Rocketship

Being a teenager is all about getting yourself some. We're teens, as in our hormones rage, our hearts beat fast, and our minds change at a rate faster than babies soil their diapers (BTW, I <3 changing diapers, and everything baby, so don't judge me). You see a sexy mamma jamma walk on by and you're like damn, why you hotter than the sun? I don't know what it is about college, but I get to feel all hot and heavy, hot and bothered, and achy-breaky hearted on a daily basis, but all the beautiful girls that just stroll on by. It's like they ignite the kindle that is my heart, it's a rocketship to lunar love from there. Get ready for some good ole dating advice from yours truly, rocketship love in 3, 2, 1, lift off.

First of all, you need to turn your radar on and start hunting for hotties. It's actually not hard at all, everywhere you look there's a hotness monster looking all sessy and what not. I'm telling you on a daily basis, I see at least 2-3 new chicas that I'm thinking YCGI (you can get it) whenever and wherever you want. Foxy lady, come and get some. It can happen anywhere, on your way to class, the major crosswalk is my prime spot to people watch and I see some of the cutest and kholdest baddies of all time. It's like a river of girl and I'm the fishermen. It may help that the ratio of girl to girl to guy here at the University of Vermont is about 58% to 42%, and it's noticeable. Girls travel in packs, as do bros, which can be a good or bad thing. It makes them easier to spot but when there's a crowd of clones, girls/guys who look exactly the same, similar clothing, hair and complexion- the generic brand of normal looking, if that's your flavor of bland, you can get with any one, interchangeably, but if you're like me and have ridiculously high standards in potential love interests, as in the name brand product, brand spanking new, unique, and totally irreplacebale kind, then you'll notice the girls/guys who stand out a little bit. I like to think that I'm a hot piece of boy, newly perfect teeth, dark chocolate dreaminess, my infamous laugh, and my model type swagger, is an irresistible blend of loveablility. I mean, if you want it, come get it. If you're on the prowl for good ole sex on a stick (figuratively people) you know you have a type, either find someone that fits that bill or write up a new concoction for attractive girls/guys. Figure out what you like and what is just plain unacceptable, but be prepared to make some adjustments to your formula, not everyone will fit your recipe for spicy perfection. Whether you're all about the sporty hunksicle, the flowing blonde bombshell, or the exotic pretty boy/girl, it's high time you fill your tank and find someone worth going after, rocketship style.




For my personal dating story, it all started when I saw this bossed up girl. I come back from my tennis class, all hot and sweaty, feeling super manly and what not, and this chick would always be looking fine and say hey to me. I don't know what it is, but I eventually figured out that she lives at the end of my floor on the Westside, so I ordered some cookies, wrote a little note saying "You smile at me, when I come out of the gym, so here's a cookie, k-bye" and delivered it to her. I'll have to saw that I was looking particular good that night, and ever since then, I've been paying her, JaMocha Shake a nightly visit just to talk. The girl, she's so cool, she's easy to talk to, funny, smart and pretty. The girl looks good at all times, it shouldn't even be possible, even when she's about to go to bed, and even when she was sick and vomitty, she was still keeping it classy. The girl has got game, but for now, we're just friends, which is all I've ever wanted. If I propose for her us to get engaged, I'll wait awhile, NBD. Food works people, use it. As for my floor, everybody is playing the game of love roulette, and the rolling of the dice is about to go down. Stay tuned for some budding relationships and celebrity style couple names, I see them happening in the near future.



Now that you've marked your targets, it's time to tactically approach the prey. It's perfectly fine to have more than one dream girl/guy and crush. I for one have multiple, the cream of the crop, head of the class, and the upper crust in girl triumph, only the best for this guy. The easiest way to get in the know with your hotness monster is to let them know you exist. If you've got class with the person, make an effort to sit next to them, it's a love game from there. There's the classic clumsyness, dropping literally everything like a pencil, eraser, or the cell phone. Kind of like the Legally Blonde bend and snap. If they're a decent person, they'll pick it up, and you can say thanks, and b-tee-dubs, I'm so and so (and I may or may not want to elope with you ASAP) oh, and you have my cell phone, so type in your digits you good looking babe. Holding the door for people is a great option as well. You're going to have to go out of your way to be noticed if you don't really see the person. I mean don't get creepy or what not, but you should happen to be at places randomly, I promise they'll notice you if you're noticing them. If you've got the guts, or your friends triple dog dare you, walk up to the person and introduce yourself. It's the early weeks of college, so people are still looking for friends openly, hop through that window before it slams close. I'm telling you, a little blind faith and some courage goes a long way. Chances are they probably think you're all that and a bag of chips with the dip as well, or a least a good side dish, worthy of friendship that could always add benefits later. If you're not about being so forward, become friends first before you start getting frisky. Or have your friends talk you up if they're connected some how. Bros, having a ton of girls for friends links you to potential lovers and friends, and girlies, having some boys for protection and connections is more than beneficial. Hook it up, and get it down. Is it wrong for a guy to become friends with other guys just to set up the new buddy with a friend-girl, uhm no, have I done it, uhm yeah. Everybody deserves love, you gotta do what you gotta do to get it down. Rocketship outta the stranger zone and into memorable.





If you're like me and sometimes the cuteness is just a mystery, no name, no nothing, then you've got to play detective. I'm talking whip out your magnifying glass and go Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew (the ultimate backstabbing bia) commando to get the details. Eavesdropping, and all that spy stuff is what you'll need to get that name, then off to facebook to stalk the shat out of that profile. Like memorizing that crap like it's your freaking job. If you find out they're in a relationship, well eff that, best to drop it (avoid the drama) or if you've got nerve, break it up (but don't take my word for it; Reading Rainbow reference). College is totally different from high school, people are going to judge you no matter who you're hanging out with, but at least they don't know you, so who gives a damn, go after what you want. Social clique, extentuating cirmcumstances, or fear don't exist, muster up the gumption to go after what you want. The worst that could happen is that you get rejected, but no worries, you can go slutsketeer/skank it up or wallow in despair at a sleazy party or in your dank dorm room. Remember the species your tracking may be super common, and completely easy to get, change the test subject and try again. Take a trip on the wildside and pursue someone you usually wouldn't, maybe change is good for you. I mean boyish charm, and feminine diva status are always the same no matter the person. If they've got body, they've got body. Once you've gotten over the hotness factor, it's best to get some basic details like stuff you should know before hopping into bed for cutesy spooning or brinner (breakfast dinner peeps) dates - some facts are just not going to cut it. If you're an alcoholic, as in a raging lunatic when drunk off your ass, then baby girl/play-boy you ain't gettin' none. If you get so gone off your bong, your druggies and you're itching like Dave Chappelle on crack, you're sketchtastic self isn't going to macking anytime soon. And if you're a Rihanna type S&M sex addict, looking to make moves in the boom-boom room on the first night, you might be a human STD, keep your dirty self to your whorish self, nobody wants your diseases. Be careful, and have fun. Dating can make your life a whole lot better or add some unnecessary Speidi (the Hills, duh) drama to your already wild college life. Rocketship the hell out of here.





Being a teenager is all about sparking up that new college flame. Tons of people find their future hubbies and wifeys from college, so you'd best get on that and start looking for love in all the wrong places. Take a chance, make a change and breakaway (Kelly Clarkson has got nothing on this kid) from the old. You're in college, and who you date, hook up with or any other unmentionable shennanigans is wholeheartedly up to you, as in think with your heart not your goodies. Rocketships blast off. (Speaking of "Rocketship" it's a Shane Harper song, that describes coming back from a first date, literally perfect in every way).


 


My blog post question for the day is ... if you could look like anyone else in the entire world who would it be and why? Such a random question, but I've decided that I would want to look like Luke Bilyk, who plays "Drew" on Degrassi - he wears plaid all the time, and has got swag for day, end of story.

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