Publicly Private

Being a teenager is all about being yourself no matter where you are or who you're around. Life shouldn't be lived pretending to be someone else. You should and are free to be whoever you would like, that's implying to be yourself because frankly everyone else is taken. You are your own person, but there comes times when you've got to act - key word act like my favorite performers Chris Evans, Keke Palmer, or Jeremy Renner, just to get through it. This is the summer, but there's thing little called being publicly private.

You know you're getting weird when you actually think about school when you're not even there. Since coming home from school I've noticed how different everything is. In my honors college class this past semester we talked about the separation between public and private identities (shoutout to Helga Schreckenberger "you da best" *Drake voice) when it came to integration into predominantly white society and ethnic culture at home. A lot of people in my class couldn't relate at all to the topic, but I understood it all too well, but I realized they were missing the point. This was not about racial identity (that's heated blog post for another time) - but the fact that people change depending on their surroundings. That's such a weird thing, and that made me wonder. If you change in relation to who you're with does that make you fake or superficial? Do you lose who you are if you're never being yourself or if you're constantly changing is that just who you are? I'm absolutely sure I'm one of the most genuine people out. You know me, I tell it how it is, and have no problem speaking my mind in way that's appropriate - see that word appropriate that means I'm altering what I'm going to say in coalition with the powers that be (what is this ... Charmed?) - isn't that fallacy and being insincere right there. Well I've come to the conclusion that it's not. As long as you are true to yourself and honest with others, even if you've got to butter it up like Jennette McCurd's butter sock on iCarly, or break it down like Grant Gustin as Sebastian on Glee (BTW, me and Glee don't mix - he just did "Glad You Came" so he's alright in my book) you're being you and that's what matters. Sometimes it's a little less, and at other times a little more. That's when you learn the meaning of being publicly private.

When you're out and about, you've got to be on your best behavior to not do anything remotely embarrassing or completely ridiculous, but when you're at home, you can let the crazy out. My home life is pretty awesome. I finally finished Blue Water High (it's currently popular on Netflix, check it out) season 1 and became literally obsessed with Matt and Perri, like I can't lie - I cried when the season was over. I started season 2 and planned on hating it, but the brown-sugar skinned chick Brooke is more than too cute (too bad the show was shot in 2006, so she's probs to old for all of this now). But the people are just as interesting, but it's not the same, but I'll cope. I've been playing SSX like snowboarding is my life, and never have I ever been nor do I have any intention of doing so (yeah I know I got to school in Vermont, get off my back will ya). Weekends are for cleaning the Manor (yup, the pretentious name I refer to my house as) and so my sister and I in our pajamas get to work. Now that I look back at I did all the work while she cooked chicken tacos (with my help, of course) which included vacuuming even using the crevice tool - (shoutout to David Henrie "Justin Russo" from Wizards of Waverly Place for that) and Mr. Clean magic eraser-ing some walls. I was blasting the Wanted and singing all over the first floor while the girl was just hanging out. Then she asked me how college when and told  me to be specific and speak in detail. That started a multi-hour venting session where I finally came to terms with all that happened at school. Truthfully, it was more than messed up and I definitely could have been less naive and more proactive about multiple situations and a few certain so-called "friendships." But I'm not bitter, I'm home and done with that public persona for the summer. We order LaRosa's pizza and they even bring us these little doughy cheesy bites called Rondo's (Bianca loves the Celtics and Rajon) and they were legit amazing. We were just by ourselves, privately being dumb, laughing until the rafters shook and gasping for air. Publically you'd never know we're kind of a mess, but in the sanctuary that is our home we're more ourselves than ever. That's just the way the world works. You've got to be publicly private.

Going out into the public may not always seem like a big deal, but it definitely can be. Just like Niall and Liam from One Direction getting mobbed by crazed fans on their day off and starting multiple trends on twitter - it's a real thing. This afternoon, Bianca and I hopped in our dad's car and drove off to Best Buy so she could pick up her third copy of Diggy Simmons's debut album "Unexpected Arrival" (cop that, it's fire). I'm just driving along and the sun is shining way too bright but we make it there okay. Then it's off to Party City where I'm buying spirit wear for that IRA & NACURH conference I'm going to on Friday. That store is a mess of rainbow colors, and to the teen workers there talking about getting hammered and doing the nasty, keep your gross pastimes to yourself. It's distasteful and you'll enrage your customers that way. That's not publicly private, that's plain nasty *That's So Raven face. From there we move the car over to Michael's craft store where we have trouble finding anything. I'm on the hunt for clothespins, gold spray paint, face paint, and green puffy paint. We ask multiple workers and we're just out of it and completely pass the stuff before finally getting what we need. We got to check out and you won't believe it - this lady starts talking to us about giving us a coupon, which was super nice but she gave us the coupon and then just cut us in line. Like really though, seriously - you think you slick you craft store enthusiast, we'll get you, someday. We go out to the car and I'm about to pull out when this guy comes and knocks on the window. He starts talking about how he's broke, ran out of gas and needs help. So I offer to go buy him some gas and bring it over to his car. He then asked for money instead and I stupidly gave him $20 before Bianca could whisper to me that he was con-artist. Thankfully I gave him a fake phone number and we drove off and say him asking another man for money two seconds later. Whatever, I was just trying to be a good Samaritan, and I get jipped. The dude must have seen that I was whipping a Mercedes-Benz E550 (yup, that's our 3rd one & and I'm proud of it) and chose us to talk to. Whatever, I take a detour and stop by my best friend Chelsea's house to surprise her while she's home for the weekend. I haven't seen the girl in 5 months and we only get to talk for twenty minutes in the blazing heat, that's 93 degrees and sweat everywhere. Back home and it's back to the secluded life. See what happens when you try to be publicly private.

Being a teenager is all about being one with yourself and your surroundings. It's not possible to live in total seclusion. You've got to interact with people sometime so you've got learn to not be awkward about it. Know that everyone is different and has a varied upbringing so be aware and prepared to learn. When you're at home, is totally different from when you're out and about doing that public thing. This was publicly private.

My blog post question for the day is ...what's the most embarrassing thing you've done in public? Uhm, totally fell hardcore on the largest staircase in Vermont, which happens to be in the UVM Davis Student Center in between class change when the most people were present. Oh, classically graceful Joey O.

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