End of the Road

Being a teenager is all about making it through your hardest days. People don't like to admit it but each and every one of us has deep dark fears, anxieties, wants and desires. It's the human condition where we repress the "bad" and only display the best parts of ourselves. What people see is not actually what they get, they just don't get to see the whole picture. When all else fails, it's when the most repressed darkest, and most real parts of ourselves come out. It's the end of the road.

Failure is one of the hardest things you may have to deal with in college. Things aren't always going to work out the way you expect. It's just a fact of life. Things happen, ish gets cray, and stuff goes down. It's when you've reached rock bottom and you can fall no further, that things get as real. Revelations are made, and you have to deal. When you're pressed up against wall, you can either back down or breakthrough. This past weekend for me was me hitting one of the hardest times in my life. Apparently, organic chemistry and I are not best friends, and after receiving yet another slightly disgusting bad grade I was more than distraught. I didn't know what to do. I began rethinking my entire life, and what I had planned for my post graduation plans. If I'm not meant to be a doctor, than what the hell am I supposed to do. I've spent my entire life working towards one goal - to become a physician, so I can help people directly, and inadvertently have some solid ass job security, plus make bank to support my Boigie preppy boy problems lifestyle. I was absolutely just done - should I change my major and go poly-sci and do pre-law (hell to no - I can't lie, first and foremost, and what if my mightier than thou beliefs got in the way of me actually doing that job? Besides, my life isn't Suits, and it's not that easy). I thought of journalism which has always been my backup - but it's such an unstable career especially with that switch over to online social media and loss of certain mediums, not to mention it takes entire lifetime careers for most of the major anchors to get to where they are today. Sweet Brown said it best, I ain't got time for that. I was stuck, depressed and had nowhere else to turn. It's really funny that in the worst of times someone comes along and knows exactly what you need. Out of the blue, my brother, Eugene (the second one, who's doing his MD/PhD currently) called - and he's always MIA so him calling was like mindblowing, and he helped me get my head on straight and get back up. When you reach rock bottom, you can go nowhere but up. For me, those times are few and far between but when they happen it takes ever fiber of your being to move out of that helpless state of mind. Maybe it takes divine intervention from a higher power, or the universe just has a way of working - whatever you believe, this isn't the end of the road.
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You're probably wondering about the context of the rest of my weekend, right? Because my life is so freaking interesting legit everybody has to read about it. Well you'd be correct, and here's me granting that wish (excuse my sarcastic narcissism). The crazy part about college is when stuff hits the fan and your life is destroyed and strewn about, the rest of the world (aka your campus) goes on without you. It doesn't stop for you to take a breather and get back in the game. It's weird to understand that the world does not revolve around you. There I was in a major funk of epic proportions and it was Hall-O-Weekend Part 1 which meant costumed debauchery in it's rawest form. I was not feeling any of it but somehow I ended up going out both Friday and Saturday. I hope y'all know when I mean going out, that entails me standing awkwardly pretending to not be super judgemental and mentally condemn everyone for underage drinking. Friday night, where the last blog post left off had me attending the BSU (black student union) sponsored Halloween Dance - which was lot of too much for me as soon as I got there. Dressed as Louis Tomlinson, people were doing the most. Bumping and grinding are not part of my arsenal of dance moves, and I just can't get on with the idea of people booty bumping all over. I had an okay time and dipped out a little after midnight. Saturday for me meant laying in my bed aching all over from excessive sleep deprivation until like noon. Sam and I had to go over to Redstone campus to pick up some candy from the office and  the walk gave me time to think in semi-solitude. Sam ran a presidential roundtable discussion for all the Hall Council presidents to attend where I was kind of out of it, or had my thoughts elsewhere (aka the rest of my life) before I turned it all on and gave people what they wanted - everyone's favorite prezy. I ordered Chinese food to wallow in my own despair with and even found time to play some video games. Seriously, I really needed that. I played COD Black Ops multiplayer and Halo Reach with the guys from down the hall Tyler, Matt, Nick, and Michael. Dear gosh I missed all the unreal violence and satisfaction you get from video game competitions. Later in the night, I somehow got dragged out by Sam to attend an actual party. Riding the bus, getting off, and walking into a house full of strangers is more than disorienting. For me, not having everyone know who I am or knowing them myself is definitely different. I had a good time, more people slowly started showing up, and oh that beer was flowing alright - but people kept it together for the most part. I talked to some random strangers and they were all cool, which is new because party conversations are usually really weird and absolutely pointless. Then there was the journey back to our residence hall and my might ended with some awkward starers. Going through all those social interactions in my slumped out state was definitely different, it was like I'd reached the end of the road. Last thing - One Direction's new song "Little Things" has a Lyric Video - listen to it and decide a verdict for yourself.

Being a teenager is all about dealing with the toughest times. College pushes you to the brink, to the edge, and brings you the the end of the road. When all is lost, and you don't know where to turn - what do you do? What gets you through those times where you are completely at a loss for words, shocked, and utterly dumbfounded? You have to find something to believe in, and to bring you back from the edge of destruction. It's the end of the road - question is, where do we go from here?

My blog post question for the day is ... when do you hit your lowest points of the semester? The time that comes closer to break is always stressful and when it feels like everything is going more than wrong.

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