All Children Grow Up

Being a teenager is all about coming into you own. It's about finding yourself and moving forward. College is the time where people figure out who they are and who they want to be and then reconcile the two. It's where identities are processed and realizations are made. It's where tough lessons are learned and maturity is supposed to be cultivated. Peter Pan said it best, "all children grow up ... except one."

Maturity. It doesn't always come with age. It seems like there's this idea that the older you get the wiser you become, and frankly that's not always the case. There are so many people that are supposed to be grown but still act in a childish manner. The pettiness, gossiping, and the constant circles of drama, if you've still got them and you're out of college you may or may not have a problem. The constant bickering, melodramatic blow ups, and the inability to effectively deal with problems, that's kid stuff. I think that's what separates adults for children. It's that understanding to directly address an issue and to move on from it. I don't know what it is, but I can make the generalization that people are not taught how to deal. That's what growing up means, it's dealing. Dealing with everything. Family, friends, relationships, school, work, and everything in between. At school I've become so frustrated with people because of their hypocrisy and their incapability to own up to what they've said or done. People lock up, shutdown, and go into attack mode when you they're tasked with facing up to what they've done. When you claim you're an adult, and still continue the irresponsible risky nonsense that you're supposed to have moved past.  Don't claim you're mature if you not able to see the impact and repercussions of everything you do or say; some people never get there. All children grow up ...

It's only when I'm on breaks that I come to realizations. Last weekend when I was at conference I thought about my happiness and my fears and I was like, for once I'm actually enjoying myself. That's absolutely one of the craziest things I've ever thought. Then I thought about how scared I feel on a daily basis. I sit and think about who I am and where I've come and where I'm going. I wonder if I can press on. I feel like every single day when I'm walking around campus, sitting in meetings, taking notes in class, riding the bus downtown, buying things, or even driving at home - I'm shocked that I'm even doing these things. Like I can't believe I've actually made it this far. I mean, I just thought the world would end, Jesus would come back for the rapture, or that I wouldn't actually have to continue on after high school and into college. It's terrifying because I have to take care of myself. I was independent growing up, but I always knew I had my parents to fall back on but now I have to do stuff for myself, it's my only choice. That to me is the scariest part of growing up. That you are the only person responsible for yourself. It's weird to think about. Everyday I get dressed up and look great and go through my day, class, meetings, and when I'm finally done, I change into t-shirts and shorts to relax before bed. When I meet with all these important campus people I feel like I'm playing pretend or grown up. I feel out of place and way too young to be doing any of those things. I have a résumé now (yeah, I'm super unqualified for everything #privilegedkidproblems) and spent most of spring break applying for internships. I want to know, when do you start feeling like you belong in a world of adults, grown ups, and sophisticated people? Does it ever become normal? I know I can do it and that I'll make it but I'm still afraid. I don't want to let go of my childhood but when do you know it's time. Is there a way to be a kid and an adult at the same time? All children grow up ... some time.
Abercrombie old school
Being a teenager is all about understanding who you are and how you've changed. I can wholeheartedly say I'm nothing like the person I was when I started college. It's been a long journey and it's just about half way over. I've learned so many things about myself, found a ferocity and a passion that I didn't know I had, and found a courage strong enough to overcome any obstacle. I've realize all children grow up someday.
 my favorite classics for school.
My blog post question for the day is ... what do you miss most about being a kid? I miss being driven around by my parents. The whole chauffeur life was absolutely amazing and it's something I still long for. I purposefully never sit in the front if I can get away with it.

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