Baring It All

Being a teenager is all about sharing every part of yourself. Our generation has become known for not being one for secrets. We post, like, and share everything and we want the world to know who we are. Everything we we are and everything we've been through, we we want people to know every aspect of our lives. We want to matter and to be seen in our most unadulterated forms. This is baring it all.

Confessions. Our entire society is obsessed with them. Whether it be Usher's songs (parts 2 and 2), Lifetime Movies where the crazy woman goes ape ish crazy and murders people, or online where people post anonymously all their darkest acts. We absolutely love it, look at some of the most popular shows, PLL (we all want to know who -A is and who killed Ali), y'all should know by now who Gossip Girl was (no XOXO's necessary), and even Oprah where people went to confess their sins and get some kind of pop culture atonement with the queen of afternoon talk shows. Seeing people in their most vulnerable state, I don't know what it does to us but we love it. Maybe it's having the power to just watch and obsessive as someone else breaks down and shows the most fragile pieces of who they are, or the suspense of what they could possibly say. If you don't know by now, I go to the University of Vermont (don't remind me) and within the past where this facebook page called "UVM Confessions" has gone absolutely nebular viral (like zeetus lapeetus, Zenon Girl of the 21st Century "Supernova Girl"). Everyone is obsessed with reading it. I have to confess that I've read every single post. I realized just how big it was when every single one of my classes and just walking around campus I heard people talking about it and reading them aloud. People have been posting their most carnal desires, like 50 Shades of Grey (Armie Hammer for Christian Grey!) lusty, fetishy type of stuff, a long with some political firestarters (feminism, racism, and all the other isms that piss us off), a few compliments, and lots of stories of hate, betrayal, and kinky sex/alcohol abuse/drug use. It's like a filthy Internet brothel that we've all stumbled upon and joined in on. It's an orgy of disastrously disgusting proportions but we're all so invested in adding to the chaos. It's completely out of hand, and there's been some seriously messed up stuff posted on there, but it doesn't matter because it's anonymous. All of us can say whatever we want, and hide behind a screen. No one will ever know it's us. We get to finally say what we've always want to and have been afraid of, and nobody will ever know who said what. This is our generation baring it all. Read it and weep: Confessions Galore

It's an interesting phenomenon to both observe and partake in. I think it's the comfort and relief we get from sharing something that we've kept hidden for so long, and not have to deal with the repercussions. I can't lie, I've posted three times so far on the page and mine weren't really confessions more like long ass rants about being a POC (that's person of color) at a PWI (predominantly white institution; social lingo people), fraternity and sorority life, and this crush I've had on this girl ever since I first saw her in an airport and then again on campus. I have so many more confessions, but because of my writing style I can't post them, everyone who knows me (which is a whole lot of people) would know it was me. But I'm going to be bold, bare it all, and say what I want even more than usual. 1) Whenever people talk to me it always surprises me. I'm shocked for a few seconds that people actually like me or want to be friends with me. This must sound weird coming from someone who appears to be popular. While that me be true, I'm absolutely terrified of people. I'm scared senseless and I spend way too much time in my head over analyzing every single social interaction I have with people. I'm so awkward and weird. I can't believe people actually talk to me. I'm afraid that people are afraid of me or that I'm some kind of freak because of the way I look. I know it's crazy, but after you've been hurt time and time again by people because of the way you look you want to close off and retreat into yourself. 2) It wasn't until a few weeks ago that I became fine with the way I look, particularly my lips. Even writing that still makes me nervous. No one has ever told me that I was cute, hot, handsome, good-looking or even remotely attractive. Society tells me I'm ugly, hideous, and can't compare with everyone else and sometimes I believe it. When people rate each other I don't have a place on the continuum because there's no idealized standard for me. 3) I hate when people look into my eyes because over the years people have said that my eyes were black (they're just dark brown) and I used to believe that my eyes were scary and dead. 4) I'm constantly surrounded by people but I feel like I'm always alone here. Even when I share parts of me people don't seem to listen or care. Everyone thinks I'm a stuck-up, pretentious, self-centered brat, and I probably come off that way, but really I'm afraid of change (doing things different, and so I just live the way I was taught, only accepting the best and never doing anything even potentially risky) and I'm actually really easily appeased. I just want to be asked to play video games, to go out to dinner, to go see a movie, or to talk. Everyone thinks they know me but they've never taken the time to actually figure out why I am the way I am. I have moments almost every single day where I contemplate giving up and going home to people I know actually care about me and value my existence.Ooph, that got heavy - but that's a few of my confessions. Now you know, share some of yours (anonymously of course) down below in the comments section. Baring it all, for you eyes to see.

*To update you on my life, Wednesday I was officially reelected RHA president again. Thursday, was a long ass day of nothingness but I think a made a new friend in my religion class. I finally met up with my some of secret favorite people, Josh and Kylie, my old bio group buddies (Claire we missed ya) for ice cream which was the highlight of my week. I went to an anti-racism group showing of this powerful movie that shook me to my core and an inclusive language potluck which gain got me raring to go when we did the classic "step into the circle" exercise. I got to see my fraternity brothers and kind of hangout which always makes me happy. Friday was me being 10 minutes late to class and geeking out with the crazy characters in my political science lecture, homework with Taylor and Dzenan, and then catching up on Arrow and Carrie Diaries (best quotes, "the person of color has successfully purchased your drugs" & "clear" *after shocking an orderly with defibrillator paddles). I napped for three hours and then watched Radio Rebel - the DCOM (Disney Channel Original Movie) with Debby Ryan (girl could get it with those lips and that voice, mmph) and it was like perfectly related to this post and it was actually really good unlike other recent ones. Finished off with 6 episodes of Justice League: Unlimited on Netflix (BTW, Cartoon Network has just invaded and it's amazing, get on there and relive the olden days of cartoon TV).

Being a teenager is all about knowing how to deal with the secrets you're supposed to keep. The thing about secrets, they only stay secrets if no one else knows about them. We all know too much, have heard a little bit of something we weren't supposed to and seen things we wish we could unsee. We have to live with our secrets, whether we like it or not. Sometimes the burden is too much and we share with other people, but know that they also must carry the burden. It's up to you whether to split the load or keep it for yourself. Either way, we're baring it all until we're butt ass naked, nothing more, or nothing less.

My blog post question for the day is ... what's something you've always wanted to get off your chest but never have? Post your confession here anonymously!

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