Double Entendre

The 20s are all about taking things as they come. There something about being a twenty-something that makes us go stir crazy. We either want to stay young forever or we just can't wait to be grown up and settled down. There doesn't really seem to be an in between. The reality is all we have is the present. Things will never be the same as they used to be and things are constantly changing around us. The only consistency we can have is our selves. Even when things (or people) crash right into our lives, we have to quickly adapt and keep on moving. Whether they're here to stay or just a hit and run, we have to make an assessment and act accordingly. There's duality in much more than we like to admit, it's like a double entendre - understand it all in different ways.
 
Whenever I write a blog post I usually come up with a title that acts a metaphor for the entirety of the post. Even as I'm writing sometimes I'll realize it doesn't work or it's going to be hella hard to carry this one all the way through. Obviously I see significance in (almost) everything I do on a daily basis (why else would I write about it all on the interwebs for the whole world to see ... could just be a deep-seated unbridled narcissism, who actually knows). However there are totally some days where I'm aware that I'm pushing it big time. Like calm the heck down, don't take yourself so seriously and cut the philosophical crap. You're 21, not Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa or Eli Pope (no matter how bad you would enjoy serving people verbal beatdowns like the great Papa Pope aka "the Big Bad" alias "Command" from Scandal). Yeah, there's things to be celebrated and concerned about with each and everyday but every once in a while it's okay to take a break from wanting to save the world, to educate people, to share all your thoughts. I'm writing things and I'm literally just typing everything that's coming to mind. Like why? Who is this post even for? I think, like always, my posts serve as reminders of me to be mindful, reflective, and striving to improve on who I am on a daily basis - the notion that other people get something out this (whether that's pure entertainment knowing the nitty-gritty details of my not-so interesting life or profoundly thought-provoking questions of self-reflection and everything else in between) is still mind-blowing to me. So any way, this paragraph replaces my usual hardcore self-reflection and is an important lesson that it's okay to take things as they are. Sometimes there's no need to strip things down, dress them up, and make them presentable, they can just be (at this juncture I will insert gifs from shows/movies I've recently watched including a slow start to season 4 of Teen Wolf, the last few episodes of cancelled comedy Enlisted, and my secret juvenile guilty pleasures with the Thundermans, Jessie, Life with Boys and the latest DCOM Zapped *Zendaya + Spencer Boldman slaying materialism, sexism, and gender roles casually). Mmkay, so the double entendre tie-in will come later. I guess yeah, people are complicated and there's more sides to us than we're always aware of. K bye - now read about my life.

The past few days have really reinforced the difference between people's perception of me and the difference in how I see myself. Today I started my next summer adventure with SESP (summer enrichment scholars program) as a peer advisor and we did the Myers-Briggs personality test. My results were astonishingly accurate, INFJ (most potent part - "others seeing you as extroverted because you show you a genuine interest in other people). It was too real. Bottom line I feel everything and I mean like everything deeply (it's great sometimes but annoying as hell too ... like stop being emotional dude). I feel like I many a times spend time alone and think in my head like why do I literally have no friends (the most misused word of my generation #millennials for life) but then I realize I've gone hours without talking to people and I was perfectly okay with it. Sitting in my room alone watching Netflix, reading articles, playing a game, researching career choices, sleeping, etc. is so me. The amount that I have to turn it on is unreal. This realization that I belonged to the rarest personality type particularly because of the duality of it was so damn freeing. The hit and run impact of it has resonated with me all day. So let through it back to Saturday and let you know how this all ties together (or maybe it doesn't - didn't you read my previous paragraph, sometimes it doesn't matter). I spent the majority of the day organizing my new room in my apartment before heading downtown for Panera and to hang out with my friend Isora and her band of funny girls. It's so interesting to see how easier I laugh in certain environments than others (ooph that shade and the racial/ethnic undertones are too strong let me dial it back). We watched a disturbing three episodes of Criminal Minds before making our way to Orange Leaf for frozen yogurt and all the toppings. It was great. I had a refreshingly good time and then went home and that was it. No lingering, no obligatory extraness and all the fluff that drains me. Sunday I brought out that more extroverted side in being decisive in my day spent with Sam where we talked and ate Chipotle (that vine of that kid still gets me every time), before hitting three different craft stores (first one was inadequate, second had a power outage, third was the charm) on the search for 3D cardboard letters. The rest of the afternoon was us sitting in near silence working on our own craft projects #pinterest for hours on end. I decided I was going to work until it was all done and I accomplished it all (check the picture of my first letter patterns below). When other people entered the picture I knew it was my cue to go back to my own apartment. Living that double entendre life can be thoroughly exhausting.
DIY Patterned Letters
Sunday continued with a visit from my least favorite person (coded double talk for my frustratingly favoritest - yes I'm aware that's not a real word) Mac for a solid couple of hours of Halo: Reach firefight. Even playing game with his distracted self both exasperated and elated me at the same time. The fact that he doesn't listen to very much of anything I say, pisses me off to no end and yet I still love the guy anyway because that's completely him, jackass stubborn with a strong disdain for the word no. Midnight nearly struck and so we ventured downtown for sandwiches at Kountry Kart Deli. We grabbed our food and were headed back to my place when we were struck crossing an intersection where we clearly had right of way by a black truck. I couldn't believe it. We pulled off to the side of the road and I continued to eat my grilled cheese for a few seconds before reacting. It was so weird. I wasn't panicking or flustered, but perfectly calm (what does that say about me nowadays, am I getting back with just going with things or nah?). The car speed off and it officially became a hit and run. With a couple of sorority women as witnesses we all just stood waiting for the police to arrive joking about the ridiculousness of the whole incident. It was pretty serious though with a tough hit being taken by Mac's car. No injuries were sustained and it was all sorted out amiably minus the MIA reckless driver. Like wow, was that a sign of not and if so, what was the meaning (damn, look at me questioning even though I said I wouldn't do that)? One more game of Halo and it was officially bed time. Monday was a "me" day where I just hung out alone. I ordered food with the Domino's pizza app and it had all my information already programmed in (that's the severity of my introversion coming to fruition). Night fell and it was time for a miniature RHA reunion with almost all the past execs for my first year as part of that team. We were all so much older as showcased by our venue of a bar (Italian sodas and ginger ale for ya boy) but it was so great to get together and relive the outrageous lives we all had led. Reconnecting with old friends is always worth it especially when there's real buy-in. Tuesday came and that was my last day of nothing before getting ready for my new "job." Night came and that was another visit of randomness from Mac and a surprise appearance from my former roommate Jake and his inseparable best friend, Tanner (the observer in me noticed how loaded my description of relationships right there even was ... #birthdayfail aftermath). My summer roommates of Derrick and Lisa returned back to the apartment and I had another wonderfully purposeful conversation with the two of them (development differences are astounding, that's for sure). I was too excited to go to bed so I searched hardcore for fellowships at non-profits for after my college graduation and was so energized to find some that aligned with my wants and needs. With the day done, as in the sun was coming up at 5AM, I turned in. No more double entendres, just one guy hitting the hay.

My blog post question for the day is ... do you ever feel like two different people? Oh yeah, I feel like that's the true story of my life. I feel like I'm expected to play the parts of two very separate people but am now coming to terms that both parts are just me.

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