Looking the Part

Being a teenager means actually looking your age. Let it be known that I'm 17 and 5/6ths years old and I look my age. Not a day older, or a day younger. Recently I've been adding my future college classmates on facebook, and my biggest worry was that everyone was going to look older than me. That's not the case, thank goodness, for the most post, we all look like seniors in high school. But whenever I'm out and about, it's getting harder and harder for me to tell anyone's age anymore, and I'm like super good at it too. I'm like those people at carnival who guess your weight, but just with ages, it's a honed gift I've picked up from my time in the maternity ward. When I see a sixteen year old teen mom, I most definitely know it, and when I see a woman on the verge of menopause having her final child, I can tell also. But teens nowadays look way older than what they used to. I remember vividly freshmen year the seniors were literally massive, I called one of them "Polo Prep" because he was always sporting plaid shorts and a Polo Ralph Lauren polo and threw food at us (look who's Prom King now d-bag, karma) but that entire graduating class looked mature and grown up. My senior class, not so much, and then I see other kids who are just freshmen, and even junior high kids who look like grown men. Uhm, it's about time you start looking the part.

We can attribute the accelerated aging process to all the processed foods most people eat as Americans, I for one have got my Ghanaian culture to fall back on and that means a lot more organic, homecooked meals. All those sketchy preservatives cause hormones to be released at younger ages and kids literally grow up too fast. Tell me how it's possible for tween girls at age 12 to become pregnant, why is she even on her cycle - she shouldn't have hit puberty yet. That's a problem. Junior high kids sleeping around, what is America coming to, that's a mess, literally, in junior high I didn't even know how the whole intercourse thing ever worked. Looking the part means dressing appropriately. My sister is most definitely my entire world, and being in the eighth grade means she's on the verge of becoming a classy young adult. While the majority of the girls in her school are sporting super short skanktastic skirts, extra revealing low cut shirts, and making out under the bleachers like it's their job, she looks classy and age appropriate. At age 14 your bobangas should not be hanging out of a halter top, a thong should not be showing out of your ass, and strutting high heeled hooker boots to school is just plain weird. Keep it simple and keep it toned down, and please, please, please cover up. It's awe inducing for me to see young girls dressing like little prostituting hussies, that's not okay, and you for sure need a big brother to keep you under wraps. Here's the memo, in cased you missed it, you're still daddy's little angel, not a she-devil temptress so dial down your overdone look and slow your roll Miss Fastie. You're in junior high, look the freaking part.

Being in high school means how you look plays a major role in who your friends are. If you're a freshmen or a sophomore guy and you have a full beard, I'm talking George of the Jungle facial hair going on, you need to deforest the hairy forest on your face. First of all, no girl wants to get scratch marks from your scruff, and secondly, it makes you look either super awkward like a boy trying to be a man, or just old as eff, as in why are you still in high school, oldie. Having a mustache or beard does not make you cool, it makes you look weird, and the little soul patches are literally poop marks, take some toilet paper and whip the ish off your face. Shaving should be your daily thing, join the rest of us put that razor blade to good use. Now your head hair, if you still let your mother but a bowl on your head for the corny bowl haircut, it's about time to grow the heck up. You look like a child, and we're in high school, go to a real barber and get a new do. If your hair is long, like Rapunzel long, or you have a huge Afro - it's time to cut off your ponytail, tame the wildness, and trim the shrubbery on your head. As guys, we're supposed to have shorter hair. You can go with the James Maslow hair whippy do, the Barack Obama close crop buzz, or a healthy length in between. If you have a mo or faux hawk you might be a huge tool, it's not cool and you look like you're balding. Now chicas, if you've got facial hair, do something about it, because that's just wrong. If you're hair is long enough to sweep the ground, it might as well be a broom, cut it and go for like just past your shoulder blades. You need to find a hairdo that suits your face, and short hair most definitely does not work for everyone, let's dispel that false rumor right now. It should be long enough that us guys don't confuse your gender and grown up enough as well. Pig tails, little bows, center hair parts and all the ridiculous rest need to go. We're in high school, as in you should be strengthening your hair, curling that stuff real well, or keeping in a messy bun. We don't want the rat's nest, that's not a look it's a social foul. Colored streaks are not okay, they're gross, and do not occur naturally, the skittles rainbow shouldn't be in your hairline. Please and thank you, look the part.

Here's the rundown who ever said camouflage was in, flat out lied. It's whatever if you're going to go hunting and what not out in boofu, but in public, I don't think so. This is not a war zone so leave the terrible camo at home. Highlighter colors, they're great for highlighter parties where you're supposed to look wild, but on a daily basis, they're obnoxiously bright and ridiculously annoying, I just want to zap the color out of you. If you wear pajamas to school, you might need to upgrade your wardrobe. That is not okay, that's lazy, foul as heck and childish. Pajamas, I don't care if you're at home by yourself, get some grown people's sleepwear. Plaid, plain, or striped not with super heroes and Pokemon all over them. Dorm shorts and dorm pants are calling you, get some. If you're going to wear a sweater wear it well. Cardigans are in, they make you look smart and classy, but the tacky old grandparents sweaters were never okay, leave them in your attic where they belong. Clothes that have characters from your childhood, they should remain just there, in your past. Things that get to me, we understand that you play a sport, you're athletic, whatever, but dressing like a sweaty slob everyday is not a good look. You've got practice after school, good for you, but the sweatpants, basketball shorts, t-shirts and sweatshirts need a break. If you wear jhorts (jean shorts) and muscle tees - you might be a huge tool, you love your muscle, great buddy, but cover up the bod and shut down the gun how. Get some regular or slim jeans, no boys should be rocking the skinnyz but females feel free to get those skin tight things on, a plain Henley, graphic tee or pullover sweatshirt on. I promise, people will notice you looking normal or even slightly dressed up for a day and you can look the part of a classic teenager. Lastly, make up, guys should not wear it keep it rugged and natural, girls don't cake it out. The smallest amount is all you need, we want to actually know what you look like underneath the mask of enhancements. I want a true beauty not a plastic Barbie doll. If you're a pre-teen, you shouldn't wearing makeup, my sister doesn't and she's literally gorgeous, please be jealous. But you've got no excuse now, except to look the part.

Being a teenager means taking things slow, in all parts of your life. Do not be fast moving with your significant others, those junior high sex scandals, uhm wte are those? Push up bras and booty shorts, no thank you. We're teenagers not twenty-somethings. We're young, and we should look it. Never grow up too fast, just look the part.

My blog post question for the day is ... how do you stay young?
Blowing bubbles, eating tons of candy, shouting and laughing like nobody's business.


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