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Showing posts from March, 2019

Useful

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"No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each other's worth." Robert Southey

I am useful. I constantly worry about being useful. I wonder if people only keep me around because I am specifically useful to them. I think about all the messages I received over the years about what makes me worthwhile and what others have seemingly responded most positively to is my utility. It's an odd thing to say but the more I mull it over that's how I feel. I'm a tool to be used to solve issues. I'm a fixer. I make things better. I improve other people's lives. I say what needs to be said. I am the cure. I am a remedy. I am the mirror to reflect on. I am the prompter to ask the questions that create substantive change. I am the secret weapon. I am the one that brings you out a funk. I am the one that you turn to first. I am the one that is dependable. I am the one that drops everything to prioritize peopl…

Bystander

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"You have to figure out how you can step forward and affect your own life. I think that sense of empowerment is actually really positive, specifically for the young generation because they've been bystanders in their own lives for a while." Jennifer Yuh Nelson
The bystander effect is the social phenomenon that people are less likely to intervene when other people are around because they assume someone else will intervene, ergo no one intercedes. Oftentimes it's applied to proximate social settings but I believe it applies to a wider swath of social interaction a la social media, among other things. How many times do we see someone we're connected to post or share something odd, strange, alarming, heartbreaking, or even joyous, and think so many other people are witnessing this. Someone else will reach out, someone who knows them better will do it, or someone who is closer to them will say something. Maybe we feel awkward, embarrassed, or helpless to actually be th…

Imperfect

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"A friend is one who knows you and love you just the same." Elbert Hubbard
Our ability to recall some version of our most devastating life moments is one of the hallmarks of the human experience. The speed with which I can be transported back to all the awkwardness, embarrassment, and rejection is uncanny. I always feel like I have moved past things that have long happened, and yet all it takes is a reminder from someone in the present. I have come to realize that much of my life has been dictated by this incessant need to be perfect, to show up perfectly, to be perfect for other people. Even in my friendships perfectionism has reared its ugly head. I feel like I have to win. I have to be the best - friend who ever did live. I have to be amazing - to go above and beyond. I have to be everything, and good at it all. Why do I still feel like I am constantly trying to prove my worth to my friends? Why do I see myself still as the awkward social outcast that didn't quite fit …