Posts

Showing posts from May, 2020

Alabaster

Image
You can love what you see in the mirror, but you can't self-esteem your way out of the way the world treats you.” Gabrielle Union
Who is attractive? Some people might say that attraction is subjective but that's only partially correct. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder AND the beholder is beholden to their own socialization. Attraction then is largely a product of socialization. We live in a world of whiteness. Whiteness is centered, celebrated, and colonizing all around us. We've boarded a runaway train with half-hearted attempts to get off. Ever-since the creation of race (more on that here), whiteness has been the ideal. That's what happens when you arbitrarily select yourself as the permanent "best." That's literally what early white supremacists did. White people gestured at as the most beautiful, the smartest, the strongest, the most advanced, etc. We live in a not quite so different world in 2020 where both white people and people of color alike …

Numb

Image
"There are times when explanations, no matter how reasonable, just don't seem to help." Fred Rogers



I don't feel anything. I should feel more.
Everything is just kind of empty. Ya know, or maybe you don't know. It may be an odd thing to say but I haven't felt the emotion of anger in such a long time. I cannot even the remember the last time I was genuinely mad about anything. There's no rage just beneath the surface. There's no ferocity waiting to come out. There's no burning desire to burn everything down. I'm fine, and that's the problem. I'm just fine. Not great. Not horrible. Just in the middle of meh. To me it's so clear how fundamentally different I am now. After what happened I've changed. I don't know how other people cannot see it. Who I was before no longer exists. I'm a person transformed by, touched by, and most visibly marked by death. I am bathed in it. I smell of it. It's right behind my eyes that hav…