Special
" Since you cannot do good to all, you are to pay special attention to those who, by the accidents of time, or place, or circumstances, are brought into closer connection with you." Saint Augustine There are moments where I don't want to be special anymore. Sometimes I am tired of standing out, being noticeable, and marked as different. Yearning to blend in when you are always visible is a conundrum. In some ways, people want others to take note of them, to recognize them as they are, and to be grateful for their presence. I think we always want those things. In other ways, there is peace in not being at the forefront, having to be "on," or in the mix. I still struggle to balance between showing up with the energy/comfort I'm feeling in any given moment, and the expectation that my personality means I am supposed to be endlessly entertaining lest others worry I am off. Sometimes I just want to dim my light, or to keep its glow for myself. I know I'