Youthful Life: X

" And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 It's been a while since I last wrote here . Life happened. Life changed drastically. Life didn't and doesn't make sense anymore. My mom died. That's the first time I have typed those words out. My mom passed away. My mom was called home. My mom is no longer with me in physical form. I cannot believe it. I am in shock. I feel nothing. I am numb. I am emotionless. It's not apathy, and I have never felt like this in my entire life. It's not a detachment of mind and body, but rather I feel fully present in myself, just suppressed. It's almost tranquil, kind of comforting while being unsettling. I feel empty. I don't feel lost. I feel incomplete. I feel bamboozled. I feel betrayed. I feel like the brightest part of me has been pilfered, and yet still I am still left with light and love. Why am I still ful...

"Home is the center of life. It's the wellspring of personhood. It's where we say we're ourselves." Matthew Desmond For much of my life I learned I was supposed to care about others more than I did myself. I think I took it to an extreme. I learned how to prioritize other people, to make them feel good, and to ensure their peace. Most my time was spent thinking about how to cater to others, to communicate to them them that they mattered to me, and to gift all that I could to them. In striving to be selfless I lost my self. I lost myself in other people. I lost me in their hardships, heartbreaks, and horror. It wasn't that I didn't know who I was, but my self-definition had been relational. I was me, but only in proximity to others. I was me by connection. I was always so and so's brother, friend, uncle, boss, advisor, confidant, fixer, protector, advocate, ally, activist, and, and on, and on, ad naseum until I was nauseated. It wasn't even ...

"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it."  W.H. Murray I cannot believe another year has come and gone. This year was one of the most memorable yet.. This post marks the 8th birthday of this blog.  857  posts, 1.25M words, and just over 450K pageviews  - it has been an absolute journey. I have learned a great deal this year about the world, about the people in it, and most of all myself. I am so grateful for this space to share my thoughts, express my feelings, and figure it all out. I don't know who I would be, or where I would be without this blog. It has kept me sane, grounded, and thoughtful. I get to be free here, to explore, and to wonder. I get to be bold, brave, and unapologetically me. I get to exist, resist, and persist. This place is my sanctuary, my solace, and my refuge. Thank you for sharing it with me, honoring it, and embracing me as I am. With that, I want to share my annual tradition of ...