Youthful Life: X

" Happiness doesn't depend on any external conditions, it is governed by our mental attitude." Dale Carnegie I'm learning how to be happy . I have seen it depicted in so many ways, but all of those never seemed to quite be the right fit for me. People all around me seem happy - seem being the operative word there - but I know happiness can oftentimes be a rarity, or at least a fleeting feeling. Is it supposed to last or be sustained? Is happiness a normal state of being? I don't really know yet. I have found happiness to be a soft smile or a smirk. Happiness for me is a deep breath in that fills my lungs followed by a big exhale. It's being in awe of the world around me for this moment of existential surrealism. It feels like warmth - like wafting aroma of freshly baked bread, the fizz of ginger ale leaping over ice cubes, a gentle breeze billowing through leaves, and the two-tone notes of starting a Netflix binge. Happiness to me is not necessarily ...

"Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain... To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices - today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it." Kevyn Aucoin I am striving to feel, speak about, and share joy more often . In a world shrouded in darkness, doused in melancholy, and bludgeoned by critique, where is my joy? I have found myself giving voice to the gray when in reality most of my day are spent either mundane, or somewhere just north of contentment. I'm in homeostasis, an equilibrium if you will. I'm existing, and doing quite alright if not pretty well. I've become so used to articulating the moments that feel like less than without giving due process to their relational foils of happiness, joy, and peace. What's the impact? It creates a skewed perspective that is unrealistically monotone instead of bright, warm, and vibrant. I h...

" It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them."  Ralph Waldo Emerson What a gift it is to love and to be loved . There's something profoundly distinct about having the love you give to others be reciprocated with the same kind of passionate fervor. It's this almost overwhelming sense of peace, mixed with joy and comfort. It's an indescribable sensation. It's like being in the comfort of your own home, but home happens where you make it. Old friends are home personified. I have come to believe that undoubtedly as I've spent time away from my people, my legion, and my comfort. Every time I separate from them it's like leaving home for an extended period of time. Then, I see them again and I'm met with the warm embrace of a place I've seemed to always lived in - a place that welcomes me with open arms, cheek squeezing hugs, and big laughs. It's a place that has long felt both surreal to the p...

"Freedom is not the absence of commitments, but the ability to choose -  and commit myself to -  what is best for me." Paulo Coelho Relationship in all its forms are about choice - intentional choice to be in community, to remain in connection, and to maintain contact. Relationships means to choose someone over, and over, and over again - time after time, without fail. When we do don’t choose people that is us effectively losing them, whether it be through choosing others, or permitting a conscious/unconscious uncoupling. Either way choice has to be an active decision, one that requires effort, sustainment, and commitment. Choice must be demonstrated. Choice must be renewed periodically. Choice must be refreshed consistently. Choice is personal. It's individual, nuanced, and specific. When we choose without gravity, sincerity, or gumption, those are the choices that are easiest to give up on. When we choose without the full force of our hearts, spirits, and ...

"The people in your life fill two distinct roles ― fruit pickers and fertilizers. Fruit pickers require you to give of yourself. Fertilizers renew your spirits. In a healthy friendship or relationship, it’s normal for people to fill both roles. But sometimes, we become so comfortable in the roles we play with the people closest to us, we forget to occasionally switch roles." Kiara Imani Williams Check on your checker . As someone who often spends much of their time checking on other people, ensuring their okay, being a listener, and giving others advice on how to solve the problems they face, I have come to realize that the relationships I sometimes form cannot actually be reciprocated. I mean to say that because I have established this dynamic of being a "fixer" of sorts, those that I am in relationship with play into it and/or forget to check on me. I think it's two-fold in that those I check on may not realize I too need to be cared for, and I myself do ...

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." George Bernard Shaw This is my 800th blog post. I cannot believe I just typed those words. I never would have thought that I would still be writing but in all honesty I cannot imagine my life without this blog. Who would I be if I didn't have this space to write, reflect, and just be . I have learned a great deal, grown an immense amount, and most of all become someone I truly love being since I started way back in 2010. I was a second semester senior in high school and had no clue what journey lied ahead for me. I've been through experiences seemingly running the full gamut of what life has to offer, and yet still I have more life to live. What an immense gift it has been to have this place to be free, to be myself, and to be lost. It is here that I was found. It was here that I found me. It was here that I found myself. What follows is my biggest takeaways from my time existing since I l...

Truth - Sometimes life seems to be good to be true. Isn't it odd how we spend so much time waiting for calamity to strike. We are constantly on the lookout for strife, hardship, and challenge. Sometimes, on rare occasions it seems (or more often if we wide our perspectives), life really can be as good as feels. Learning to capitalize on those dissipating moments is a skill many of us have little to no experience in doing successful. We have to learn how to be happy. Seems implicit but reality shows us otherwise. This is content. "The secret to happiness is freedom... And the secret to freedom is courage." Thucydides I have a confession to make. I don't know how to be happy. I don't think I allow myself to be happy often enough to recognize it when I'm feeling it. I have grown accustomed to just settling for being mostly appeased but less than stellar. But as of late, I would say my post-collegiate years, I have been surrounded by happiness. I'...

Truth - Our skin tells a story. It can reveal the years worth of lived in the form of hieroglyphs disguised in the musings of finely etched wrinkles. It can tell of our hardships in the rough wear of calloused palms, gently bleeding knuckles, and dirt enhanced nails. It can convey our narrative of  barrages of blood drawings, stitched scars, and gnarly bruises. It also shares our culture, heritage, and some of the communities we belong to in addition to that common history. What does your skin say? "The very definition of 'blackness' is as broad as that of 'whiteness,' yet we're seemingly always trying to find a specific, limited definition." Issa Rae I don't know. I just felt compelled to write this ode of sorts to my skin, to all people othered because of their external physicality, and as a challenge to those who still believe skin is a valid unit of measurement for the value of a human life. My skin is me and yet I am not my skin. Who wou...

Truth - Each and ever person experiences life differently. No two people's lives are the same. What we want out of life also varies and yet - it doesn't. We all define happiness in different ways but the commonality what we strive for can be broken down. Life is about passions, talents, gifts, love, laughter, hope, and growth. We want to live a life that has meaning. We want to change the world and to be remembered for it. We want to matter to others. Life is an existential crisis of epic proportions. Somehow we figure it out, and then again ... we really don't. We're whole and fractured. We're surviving and dying. We progress and we're lost. We are broken but not shattered. "Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain... To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices - today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it." Kevyn Aucoin  ...

The 20s are all about embracing change. Other than ourselves changes the one constant thing in our lives. Change comes whether we like it or not. Sometimes it's for better and other times it's for worse, but it comes nonetheless. Change doesn't ask you to do it work but it does ask you to come along for the ride. Change happens with or without your permission. Change is whatever you make of it, so make it work for you. Everything changes. This is your new normal. This year absolutely everything has changed. C.S. Lewis said it best, "Things never happen the same way twice," and boy was he right. Every year of my college experience has been drastically different. The one consistent thing is that I've never ever felt settled in both who I was and who my friends were. This year that has been true a certain extent with my friendships still in flux, but I know who I am for once. I know who I am not. I know what is right for me. It is the most empowering thing I...