Youthful Life: X

" People who smile while they are alone used to be called insane, until we invented smartphones and social media.”  Mokokoma Mokhonoana Another week of quarantine life.  Who would have thought this would be our lives? I went on spring break from my second semester of law school, and just never went back. Suddenly I, along with the rest of the world, was sequestered at home for the foreseeable future. Each day I spend some intentional time grounding myself in reality. This physical distancing still feels surreal in some ways. More and more I'm spending more time in the virtual realities of Zoom class sessions + hangouts, Facetime calls, texts, DMs, social media, video games, and on, and on. The entire concept of limiting screentime has gone out the window. I can't quite be content living vicariously so I do my best to bridge the gap between my two realities. I'm doing what I can to make this mundane. I'm ensuring that I still feel. I'm keeping my head...

" Self-deprecating humor and brutal honesty is a really freeing thing." Margo Price Self-deprecation has its place in our communal communicative wheelhouse. And, it's not meant to be the primary way that we share who we are. Lately, I have been noticing that some of the people around me exclusively speak about themselves in the negative, whether facetiously or not. I did not realize how pervasive it was until I started paying closer attention. Right off the bat it's straight to the self-deprecation. That's it. All I know about some people is the things they have downplayed as insignificant, and all the ways that they are inadequate (by some arbitrary standard). I don't actually know who they are because what they are communicating, whether purposefully or by force of habit, is an incomplete blooper reel.  Moderate self-deprecation communicates self-knowledge, endears, and encourages others to loosen up. Toxic self-deprecation articulates an unhealthy s...

“Life is just a slide. Back and forth between loving and leaving, remembering and forgetting, holding on and letting go."  Nicole Lyons I dislike the notio n of always being expected to be accessible. I don't believe people should always have access to us as a people. It feels intrusive, demanding, and invasive. We get to grant and more importantly, revoke access to us as we please. That's our prerogative. Both in a proximal sense, and digitally through social media, we get to decide who gets to be near us, contact us, and engage with us. All too often we shy away from rescinding access once it has been given. I am of the camp that we can, and should be constantly reevaluating who we allow into our lives. Much like Marie Kondo's tidying up method, if people do not bring us joy, contribute to our peace, or more practically add to our lives beneficially, then what is the purpose in keeping them around. That is not to say that everyone should serve a purpose, bu...

" A brand is the set of expectations, memories, stories and relationships that, taken together, account for a consumer's decision to choose one product or service over another."  Seth Godin Every single person we connect with experiences us differently. They engage with our "brand." Like the onslaught of obnoxiously intrusive ads (our phones are definitely entrenched in subliminal espionage) sprawled across social media, we are constantly "marketing" ourselves to others - ideally in less rapacious ways. What happens when we treat ourselves like a personal brand? How does that change the ways that we carry ourselves, who we portray ourselves as, and the story we seek to tell about who and how we are? Branding is about storytelling. Each and every one of us has a story worth sharing/experiencing. If we don't tell our story, we cannot expect others to know, inquire about, or honor it. Knowing our brand means taking stock of what we've ...

"Patience and time do more than strength or passion." Jean de La Fontaine Patience is not just a virtue, it is THE virtue that all others stem from. Patience gives us the time to be virtuous in all other ways. Many of our frustrations, anxieties, and fears would be quelled if we were patient, slowed things down, and took our time. Do you ever drive without music playing, just the sounds of your times rolling repeatedly on the pavement, the murmur of your car puttering along, and the whooshing sound of other cars passing by? No real destination or at least, no time constraint in getting there. Enjoying the ride - relishing in it - pure revel and adoration. For a few minutes, you're just there . You'll get to wherever you're going when you get there. You have the time to let other people into your lane, you're going the speed limit, and you're cruising. Carefree but never careless. Everything makes more sense because taking the time to slow things ...

" Unworthiness is the inmost frightening thought that you do not belong, no matter how much you want to belong, that you are an outsider and will always be an outsider. It is the idea that you are flawed and cannot be fixed. It is wanting to be loved and feeling unlovable, or wanting to love and feeling that you are not capable of loving." Gary Sukav Social media is a gift and a curse. It gives us unprecedented access to others in dynamic ways. That access though can easily become a vice. When we are inundated with idealized chronicles of the escapades of others, the impact can be overwhelming, toxic, and downright malignant. There is no way we can separate between who we are online and who we are in real life. Our online personas are in fact part of our real lives, and they are part and parcel to who we are now. I don't think we've really come to terms with the ramifications of that hybridization, or fully processed what that exactly means. The time we spend...

" Have you learned the lessons only of those who admired you, and were tender with you, and stood aside for you? Have you not learned great lessons from those who braced themselves against you, and disputed passage with you?" Walt Whitman Another year has come and gone, I cannot believe it. This year was definitely one to remember in a variety of ways. This posts marks the 7th birthday of this blog. 8 12 posts, 1.2M words, and just over 425K pageviews - it has been an absolute journey. I have learned a great deal through writing, and having this space to process through my experiences, what I glean from others, and the world in general has been remarkable. I cannot believe that I have stuck with this for so long, and even more so that I have no plans of stopping any time soon. This blog has meant so much to me. I don't really know who I would be without it to look back it, reflect, and see who I have become, and who I want to be. I am immensely grateful for this s...

"Comparison is an act of violence against the self." Iyanla Vanzant For people that live in a prolific society toting the ideals of individualism, bootstrap theory, or meritocracy we sure do find ourselves spending an exorbitant amount of time comparing ourselves to others. It's completely the antithesis of one of our most espoused values, and yet we are made to do so daily. Arguably, comparison is the root of much of our despair. We want things; we want to have what others have; we want to be like others because we compare ourselves to them. We think, why not me, instead of why am I where I am? It is a total disregard for our unique talents, experiences, and contributions to the world in favor of debilitating jealousy, intangible goals, and irrational aspirations. We circumvent the massive factors in play that give some people access to certain resources and opportunities, or the ability to do things that we cannot. Some people are set up for "success" (...