Showing posts from 2017


"Life has taught me that it is not for our faults that we are disliked and even hated, but for our qualities." Bernard Berenson

The biggest woe of dating besides superficiality, search preferences, ghosting, fizzling out, and ambiguity is the asymmetrical like. Nothing is more disappointing than liking someone and them not liking you back. I don't know about anyone else but when I like someone I have this dastardly habit of letting my imagination run wild, with them in tow no less, only to have it remain nothing more than a dream. There's nothing like being abrupt woken up from a good dream. It's all pinterest board weddings, rom-com love story arcs, and Instagram bae unbearable cuteness until reality hits, and the "I'm just not that into you" brings me back to down to Earth. The truth is being "in-like" is the same as actually liking someone. Sometimes I build people up so much in my head that who they are is distorted by who I imagine the…


"Hope is a necessity for normal life and the major weapon against the suicide impulse."  Karl Menniger

The conversation on mental health, mental illness, and suicide start with us. Here's my story: #TakeAMinuteChangeALife

Asking for help is something we're taught from a young age will always be acceptable. At some point, however, that message is truncated and the likely we actually will ask for help when we need it decreases drastically. For an abundance of reasons, namely our socialization based on gender roles, social class, etc., we opt out of reaching out when we need it most. But to what end? Wouldn't we be better off asking and receiving the help that we need, when we need it? Arguably yes, but that invalidation of requesting assistance also extends to others and their willingness to give said help. With the problematic tropes of picking yourself up, trial by fire, anti-coddling/safe-space etc. running a muck - there's a fear, both real and perceived to be…


"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." George Bernard Shaw

This is my 800th blog post. I cannot believe I just typed those words. I never would have thought that I would still be writing but in all honesty I cannot imagine my life without this blog. Who would I be if I didn't have this space to write, reflect, and just be. I have learned a great deal, grown an immense amount, and most of all become someone I truly love being since I started way back in 2010. I was a second semester senior in high school and had no clue what journey lied ahead for me. I've been through experiences seemingly running the full gamut of what life has to offer, and yet still I have more life to live. What an immense gift it has been to have this place to be free, to be myself, and to be lost. It is here that I was found. It was here that I found me. It was here that I found myself. What follows is my biggest takeaways from my time existing since I last one…


"There is no end to education. It is not that you read a book, pass an examination, and finish with education. The whole of life, from the moment you are born to the moment you die, is a process of learning" Jiddu Krishnamurti

Sometimes I find myself in laughable situations. I just stop for a moment and realize that my life may actually be a sitcom sans audience participation or laugh track. Things happen and I'm just left with nothing else to do but take it in stride, make fun of myself, and keep on keeping on. Think about the all the things you were never taught but probably needed to learn sooner than you actually did. Families do us a disservice in some of the things they don't bother to teach us but even more so, we do ourselves a disservice when we don't take the time to teach ourselves. Who is ultimately responsible for what I know or don't know - me. I think being a lifelong learner is absolutely critical to living a full and dynamic life. With that be…


"Now, then, in order to understand white supremacy we must dismiss the fallacious notion that white people can give anybody their freedom." Stokely Carmichael

"I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain." James A. Baldwin

I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I'm lethargic. The past few days, as if they are different than any other days of my life existing as our countries most blatantly visible "problem" (cc: W.E.B. DuBois), have run me ragged. It's not dealing with the images of fanatical vitriole dressed down in polos, khakis, and swastikas with tacky Pier One Imports-style ironic culturally appropriated tiki torches that is a poor man's (quite literally; lol at racism and xenophobia masquerading as economic anxiety) KKK copycats sans hoods. It's not the hurling of racial, homophobic, or anti-semitic slurs coupled with Nazi callbacks an…


"Surround yourself with people who provide you with support and love and remember to give back as much as you can in return." Karen Kain
We are the protagonist of our life stories - that much I know to be true. AND we are meant to be the strong supporting characters in the narratives of others. Hell, in some cases we're the love interests, in others we are the antagonist, or even a fleeting plot device. That part I'm still learning to not just accept but to fully embrace. It took me so long to come into my own and be fully comfortable with who I am and how I am. Now that I have a solid foundation in myself, things get more complicated in making room for others in my life. I have also realized that I don't have to be the center of attention at all times. I can be perfectly fine being on the sidelines, and that does not undermine my own self-esteem by any means. There's something remarkable about moving out of the way and letting others get their shine time. I&#…


"Feelings or emotions are the universal language and are to be honored. They are the authentic expression of who you are at your deepest place." Judith Wright

Communication, communication, commmunication - say what you need to say and put yourself out there. I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to tell people how you feel - whether that be in general, about them, or something else. Feelings are meant to be shared. It's that connection that links one soul to another. It's a bond that that brings two people together. It's that communing that gets people to recognize the humanity of one another. Process through your stuff, whatever that means to you. If it's sorting through the past traumas and experiences that made you the way you are - do it. If it's rifling through the memories and items of yesteryear that remind you of an old flame - go ahead. If it is figuring out some semblance of the unsolvable enigma that is you - make it happen. Then share w…


"I discovered that my insecurities and my flaws were things that I actually need to embrace, and I let them become my superpowers." Skylar Grey

Is it just me or does anyone else sabotage their relationships before they have the chance to become anything meaningful? I don't really know why I'm like this, or maybe I do, but just have never had the gumption to actually say it out loud. Deep down, I don't think I deserve love for a multitude of reasons but mainly because I have so much fear of being unlovable that it actually manifests itself in me trying to embody that. What I mean to say is whenever I meet someone that I have the potential to like I find something about them, whether it be a character trait, quirk, or something else about them, and I fixate on it. It's often a minute detail but the way my mind goes into overdrive essentially hyperbolizing the thing I've latched on it is truly a wonder of the most dastardly proportions. It could be anything a…


"Just as we outgrow a pair of trousers, we outgrow acquaintances, libraries, principles, etc., at times before they're worn out and times - and this is the worst of all - before we have new ones." George C. Lichtenberg

Maybe it was because of all that I experienced but I don't have the same nostalgia that I see so many of my friends do for high school or college. I have never wanted to go back. I can pinpoint specific people that I still think about and that I care for but besides that there is no longing for me to return from whence I came. Even in the past year I've had multiple opportunities to visit my alma mater and I turned them down. I think I decided that I would never return there. Too much happened and I'm still processing it all three years later. What I mean to say is I have more than outgrown the place. I know for me there has been nothing more me to take from there. I took all that I could, learned from it, and went on my way. That's what I h…


"America is false to the past, false to the present, and solemnly binds  herself to be false to the future." Frederick Douglass

The American Dream is dead. Rather it never existed. Maybe it did, but even then it was not made for everyone to be able to attain it. What's a dream if its within reach for everyone? No it was, is, and always will be reserved for a select few. And to those who don't fit the selection criteria but somehow, against all odds (*read systemic and interpersonal barriers) make it - the narratives are co-opted to reify the propaganda that the dream is only deferred not denied. This country doesn't want us all the make it. Our society isn't built for everyone to thrive. Our perspective needs people to trounce upon, to use, to throw away as disposable. We need people to other. We need them to be different. We need there to be a distinction between us and them. That is what we are founded on - blood, the ideals of the rich white-male elite, and …


Truth - The dating landscape has changed drastically in the path few decades. The ways that people are getting together, why they're doing it, and how long they stay way varies more and more. The notion of traditionalism that centers heteronormative coupling may be alive and well but the normalized narrative has received quite a few retoolings, edits, and both compatible and not-so-compatible counternarratives. The reality is some folx have partners, other don't - that's okay. There are still ways in which the former relegates those "without" as (dun, dun, dun) undateable. 

"Single is no longer a lack of options – but a choice. A choice to refuse to let your life be defined by your relationship status but to live every day Happily and let your Ever After work itself out.”  Mandy Hale

I'm undateable. There I said it. At the same time I'm also the "ideal" person. Body type, height, weight, smile, fashion sense, gainful employment, domesticity (…