Youthful Life: X

"Our society is much more interested in information than wonder, in noise rather than silence...And I feel that we need a lot more wonder and a lot more silence in our lives" Fred Rogers There is a battle raging in our world . It's a rat race to wield the power of knowledge and truth. When knowledge is hoarded like a dragon in a cave we have to see the impact others are deprived of knowledge. It's a direct balance. Keeping people from knowing, from cultivating the tools to know, and from how to know  is cruel manipulation with devastating consequences. Should we all have the chance to know? Who deserve to know? And to know what? Do we have to know everything? More and more we are faced with these grand questions about what is right, good, just, or even equitable for every aspect of our lives, our communities, and our societies. There may not be an end all, be all, absolute answer but that does not mean a conclusion isn't worthwhile. Just because there's not a ...

“Taking care is one way to show your love. Another way is letting people take good care of you when you need it.” Mr. Fred Rogers There's a difference between feeling like we know people and the actual knowing of them. Oftentimes we mistake the former for the latter. People we have encountered who seem to share themselves with us so freely. We know all this information about them, but that necessarily mean we know them. What makes the knowing real is getting the emotions, the feelings, the experience of living through all those moments. It may cost us something to share our stories but it definitely requires a labor to give the truth of what an experience meant to us. We have to be able to distinguish between knowing and knowing with depth. Maybe we feel connected to people quickly because we are living in a time of strong disconnection. Maybe people have been deprived of substantive connection. Maybe we're not used to people being genuine in their vulnerability with us.  Rad...

"You will be too much for some people, those are not your people." If they wanted to, they would. If there's a want, there's a will to make it happen. Meditating on those words the past few weeks has been a much needed reminder about how lackluster people truly can be. It's a recognition of laziness, disinterest, or pure apathy. It's the woes of pining, pleading, and giving power to people who cannot be bothered to choose us in return. If people wanted to communicate with us, spend time with us, be present with us, remember things significant to us, show up for us, care about us, love us, whatever - they would. What and who we choose to spend time on tells us what matters to us. If people are not willing to make time for us, make us happen, and make our connection thrive then we have to be able to address that truth. They don't want to. We cannot will people into being better for us. They have to want to be, and then they have to be. It's a two part p...

 “You can’t calm the storm, so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass.” – Timber Hawkeye Life can be overwhelming at times. There always seems to be so many things going on at once. Managing it all just gets to be too much, and there we are paralyzed into nothingness. Everything seems to pile up and we get stuck in task debt that we struggle to get out of. There doesn't seem to be respite or reprieve just more work, more things to know, more things to do, and more people to maintain relationships with. It's the knowing that can be so debilitating. It's seeing it all and being privy to the knowledge that we're supposed to do it all, and in a speedy manner. When we've fallen behind, missed something, or suddenly have a lot we can get weighed down. We drown. We flail. We scream underwater. We gasp for air. We just want to stop swimming if only for a little while. What happened to floating peacefully. What happened to soaring above the water?...

 "There are times when explanations, no matter how reasonable, just don't seem to help." Fred Rogers Living with loss is a devastating way to live . I wake up every single morning and say my mom's name aloud. Adjoa. Just for me. I roll over and look at her picture and smile. I still feel the last time she held my hand, and every time she did. If I cry to the point that I panic I hold my own hand and imagine it's her holding my hand. It's constantly reliving that truth that she had to go, that she had to leave. How could she ever leave me? The way I feel, and by that I mean specifically how I do my process of feeling, has changed in profound ways. I am a radically different person and how that's not apparent to the world is a mystery to me. It's just beneath the surface. It's always there. I am marked by loss. My spirit is dimmer. It just hurts so much. There's so much pain. There's so much emptiness. There's so much quiet. It's alwa...

  "Often when you think you're at the end of something, you're at the beginning of something else." Fred Rogers Relationship in all its forms are about choice - intentional choice to be in community, to remain in connection, and to maintain contact . Relationships means to choose someone over, and over, and over again - time after time, without fail. When we do don’t choose people that is us effectively losing them, whether it be through choosing others, or permitting a conscious/unconscious uncoupling. Either way choice has to be an active decision, one that requires effort, sustainment, and commitment. Choice must be demonstrated. Choice must be renewed periodically. Choice must be refreshed consistently. Choice is personal. It's individual, nuanced, and specific.  When we choose without gravity, sincerity, or gumption, those are the choices that are easiest to give up on. When we choose without the full force of our hearts, spirits, and souls there is not enoug...

"There are times when explanations, no matter how reasonable, just don't seem to help." Fred Rogers I don't feel anything. I should feel more. Everything is just kind of empty. Ya know, or maybe you don't know. It may be an odd thing to say but I haven't felt the emotion of anger in such a long time. I cannot even the remember the last time I was genuinely mad about anything. There's no rage just beneath the surface. There's no ferocity waiting to come out. There's no burning desire to burn everything down. I'm fine, and that's the problem. I'm just fine. Not great. Not horrible. Just in the middle of meh. To me it's so clear how fundamentally different I am now. After what happened I've changed. I don't know how other people cannot see it. Who I was before no longer exists. I'm a person transformed by, touched by, and most visibly marked by death. I am bathed in it. I smell of it. It's right behind my eyes that ha...

" Little by little we human beings are confronted with situations that give us more and more clues that we are not perfect. " Fred Rogers Some days we're overwhelmed, while others we are underwhelmed. When are we just well ... whelmed? I think of how often I hear from others that they are overwhelmed, and that feeling leads them to paralysis. It's that moment of having too much, excess, or more than we can bear that scares us into submission. We shut down. We break down. We stop moving. The irony is what we really need to is to keep moving but do so strategically, in ways that give us back control. We just need to do or handle one thing, and one thing only before moving on to the next thing. I think about what happens when my laundry piles up. I've done one load and need to fold it, but then here comes another, and another, and suddenly I have a mountain of clean clothes that seems so insurmountable that I cannot even begin to imagine tackling it. So I do...

" In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." Theodore Roosevelt Making decisions becomes more prominent the further along we go in life. Day by day we are tasked with choosing what is best, or right for us. Try as we may, ultimately, much of the choices we face are left to us within our own capacities. To some, that can seem daunting, whereas others welcome the opportunity to make decisions. Decision making can be a nuanced process that utilizes elements from both ends fear/eagerness spectrum. Careful consideration means evaluating, forecasting possible outcomes, and calculating impacts in the near, and foreseeable future. Taking time to make decisions helps us feel confident in our process to get to a point of clarity, better understand complex emotions, and unearth the root cause of our potential indecisiveness. We must be vigilant to ensure our painst...

" It is only through labor and painful effort, by grim energy and resolute courage, that we move on to better things." Theodore Roosevelt Time heals most  wounds . As I progress further into adulthood those words ring true. Much of the things that used to bother me, be on my mind, or take up my time don't anymore simply because most of them are temporary. Temporary issues warrant a proportionate response, oftentimes acknowledging it exists, and minimizing it. Oftentimes issues truly get blown out of proportion when with a little bit of time their impact is short-lived. If things only last a little while then those things really don't need to matter that much. Having more time to focus on what does matter means making the most of that time in the best of ways. Happiness by way of healing I am realizing happens when I'm not paying attention. One day heaviness is on my heart, I process through it, learn from it, and depart from it, but still a bit of weight re...