"You will be too much for some people, those are not your people."
If they wanted to, they would. If there's a want, there's a will to make it happen. Meditating on those words the past few weeks has been a much needed reminder about how lackluster people truly can be. It's a recognition of laziness, disinterest, or pure apathy. It's the woes of pining, pleading, and giving power to people who cannot be bothered to choose us in return. If people wanted to communicate with us, spend time with us, be present with us, remember things significant to us, show up for us, care about us, love us, whatever - they would. What and who we choose to spend time on tells us what matters to us. If people are not willing to make time for us, make us happen, and make our connection thrive then we have to be able to address that truth. They don't want to. We cannot will people into being better for us. They have to want to be, and then they have to be. It's a two part process. Change only happens when change happens. It's action. It's movement. It's difference. It's a choice. It's always a choice. It has to be an affirmative choice.
Better is possible. Better belongs to us. Better is ours. Better is on the horizon. Better happens when we embrace it. To accept better into our lives we have to let go of mediocre. We're not meant for average. We're not meant for mundane. We're not meant for crumbs. When it comes to us in nearly every aspect our lives we should not settle. We can do better. We can receive better. We are better. Do we believe that? We learn to accept by internalizing that. When we know that better is ours, we move differently. We know how to spot second-rate, vapid, and wearisome. We know how to reject commonplace. We know how to communicate what we want and deserve. It doesn't just come to us, we have to be able to share it. We have to make it known. We have to show the world we are worthy. We are worthwhile. We are worth it. Anything and anyone that does not honor our full worth is not meant for us. We don't have to allow it. We don't have to take it. We don't have to just be. We can choose ourselves until we come across better. It's okay to want better. We should. We must.
We have to know that we ourselves are not too much. Anyone who makes us feel like we're excessive, overflowing, glut is not for us. We're extravagant. We're not superfluous. We're not leftovers. We are enough. As we are, in who we are, and how we are. We're an abundance in all the best ways. We have to be careful of messages that we're "too." Maybe for some but telling someone they need to be less, shrink themselves, contain who they are is so debilitating. It's disheartening in deeply cutting ways. It makes us feel gratuitous when we're just being us. It makes question who we are, how we came to be, and the way we show up. We should not have to reduce ourselves to make others comfortable. We should not have to downplay our wonder. We should not have to hide our brilliance. We deserve to shine. We deserve to be our brightest. We don't want to be relegated to the shadows or to have our light dimmed. We want to be our best. We can be when we reject the notion that we are anything other than adequately ourselves - not too much, not too little, just right.
We're not asking for too much. We have to ask for what we need. We can be explicit and say what we need. How often do we hold back waiting for people to figure out what we want or need? The only way to ensure our needs our met is to communicate them. That's all we have to do - how others choose to respond is for them. When we ask for what we need and we still don't receive it we then affirmatively know who or what can or cannot provide for us. If we want consistent communication, expressed gratitude, full attention, reciprocated initiation, remembering significant moments, etc. we can ask for them. If we need space, direct asks, articulated emotions - whatever - we can tell people. We have the power to make our needs and wants known. It's no too much to ask for. It's the bare minimum. It's basics. It's fundamentals. We're not supposed to beg for affirmations, affections, or authenticity. We should not have to question our relationship with others. We shouldn't feel ambiguous. We should know with definitive confidence. We can ask for that. We can give that to others. We can act accordingly if others are unable to do the same.
We have to believe people when they show us who they are, at least in relation to us. Either by actions and words or inactions and silence people communicate their care, or lack thereof, for us. Often we're caught up in the idealization people that has us not quite getting them clearly. When we look for the best in people, we miss the rest of them. That's part of them too. The imperfections, flaws, failures, quirks, quips, and the rest. If we're going to embrace people we have to acknowledge the entirety of them. Who people are in actuality can be wildly different than who we imagine or believe them to be, for better and for worse.
What is real is the importance of recognizing how much of people they are willing to avail to us. When people give us nothing. When people make us beg. When people make us question, wonder, and worry that's two-fold. That's on us to question our insecurity, and it's on them to own the morsels they're dropping instead of sharing in abundance. When people say they're going to try harder, be better, or show up, and they don't - that's how we know. They have shown us who they are when it corresponds to us. We may not be a priority, a passion, or a possibility for them. That's okay, what matter is us recognizing that, and acting accordingly. We don't have to want those who don't want us in return. What we want, what we need, and what we deserve is to be wanted in abundance, in overflow, in excess. Never settle for less. X