Youthful Life: X

" Connections with other people affect not only the quality of our lives but also our survival." Dean Ornish Connection, connectivity, connectedness - we're yearning, longing, desperate for it . Existing in places and spaces untethered to others brings us a distinct sense of loneliness and isolation. We reach out to grab hold of anything or anyone that we feel any semblance of connection to. The first person to smile at us, whoever says anything to us, or who looks familiar to us - whatever flimsy connection we have forged is the one we gravitate to when we're left floating in the ether. Every time we enter a new place, have to get our bearings, and ground ourselves, we are looking for connection to anchor us in the unfamiliar. It can be a comfort food, a scent that brings us fond memories, or a symbol that represents sanctuary for us. If all else fails, observational connectivity factors in, and we make comments about things we notice in hopes that someone el...

"Home is the center of life. It's the wellspring of personhood. It's where we say we're ourselves." Matthew Desmond For much of my life I learned I was supposed to care about others more than I did myself. I think I took it to an extreme. I learned how to prioritize other people, to make them feel good, and to ensure their peace. Most my time was spent thinking about how to cater to others, to communicate to them them that they mattered to me, and to gift all that I could to them. In striving to be selfless I lost my self. I lost myself in other people. I lost me in their hardships, heartbreaks, and horror. It wasn't that I didn't know who I was, but my self-definition had been relational. I was me, but only in proximity to others. I was me by connection. I was always so and so's brother, friend, uncle, boss, advisor, confidant, fixer, protector, advocate, ally, activist, and, and on, and on, ad naseum until I was nauseated. It wasn't even ...

“Life is just a slide. Back and forth between loving and leaving, remembering and forgetting, holding on and letting go."  Nicole Lyons I dislike the notio n of always being expected to be accessible. I don't believe people should always have access to us as a people. It feels intrusive, demanding, and invasive. We get to grant and more importantly, revoke access to us as we please. That's our prerogative. Both in a proximal sense, and digitally through social media, we get to decide who gets to be near us, contact us, and engage with us. All too often we shy away from rescinding access once it has been given. I am of the camp that we can, and should be constantly reevaluating who we allow into our lives. Much like Marie Kondo's tidying up method, if people do not bring us joy, contribute to our peace, or more practically add to our lives beneficially, then what is the purpose in keeping them around. That is not to say that everyone should serve a purpose, bu...

“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an  act of political warfare”Audre Lorde Self-care is the buzzword of the year.  Think-piece, vlog, tutorial, etc. after another keeps being released but I don't think most people realize the full gamut of what it means to take care of themselves, and to do so with a genuine authenticity. Self-care in a world/society that demands you give the entirety of you and all that you are to others/your work is a bold stance in declaring that you, yourself matter. Self-care is any activity that we do deliberately to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health. Self-care is about intentionality, and being purposeful in what you're doing. Wellness in and of itself has different realms that holistically contribute to our sense of well-being. Those are emotional, intellectual, physical, social, environmental, financial, and spiritual wellness (with some others depending on who you ask). As ...

"The fundamental job of a toddler is to rule the universe" Lawrence Kutner Kids are truly awe-inspiring people . There's something about them and their fresh perspectives on the world that adults just don't quite get. The ways they understand or at least approach understanding the world has just as much nuance as it does randomness. When we take the time to pay attention there is much to be learned. I had the opportunity to spend a few a days taking care of two year-old nephew, affectionately referred to as the Little Prince by me, myself, and I. In that time I took so much from spending time with him, other than reaffirming how truly phenomenal he is as a person, just the applicable things he's learning/being taught and their implications for my life is an adult-in-progress. Patience, patience, patience. In a world where I am constantly moving, zooming, speeding, to an fro I had to adjust to his pace. The few moments I found myself getting frustrated with ...

" I discovered that my insecurities and my flaws were things that I actually need to embrace, and I let them become my superpowers." Skylar Grey Is it just me or does anyone else sabotage their relationships before they have the chance to become anything meaningful? I don't really know why I'm like this, or maybe I do, but just have never had the gumption to actually say it out loud. Deep down, I don't think I deserve love for a multitude of reasons but mainly because I have so much fear of being unlovable that it actually manifests itself in me trying to embody that. What I mean to say is whenever I meet someone that I have the potential to like I find something about them, whether it be a character trait, quirk, or something else about them, and I fixate on it. It's often a minute detail but the way my mind goes into overdrive essentially hyperbolizing the thing I've latched on it is truly a wonder of the most dastardly proportions. It could be an...

Truth - Each period of life is marked by pivotal events, but possibly even more so the presence and the absence of those around us. People play such critical roles in our lives. The ways that people move in an out orbit to us truly is a synchronized performance of the most marvelous proportions. As some move closer in proximity, others retreat. There we are in the center of it all, pushing, and pulling on the heavenly bodies of those around us. What happens some come too close - are they burned in the process? What about those that or depart from our gravitational field, are they forever lost to the cosmos? How do we account for drift? "We sail within a vast sphere, ever drifting in uncertainty, driven from end to end." Blaise Pascal The world is a funny place. I find myself more and more moving through it and being in awe. The world is truly an elaborate labyrinth that one barely ever makes much headway in. I think of all the ways I make my world small, more m...

Truth - The greater life lessons we learn oftentimes do not manifest themselves until long after an experience has concluded. Love can be so pervasive and yet so elusive. Recognizing love for what it is can be a difficult thing to ability to cultivate. In doing so though we learn better how to choose for ourselves. We choose love. We choose our family. We choose those that we let in to our lives. We give invitations, make promises, and pledges ourselves in pacts. This is my fraternity pact. "We're on a planet. At the same time. In the Universe ... Let's do something great together!” Jeff Byington   In my post-undergrad life , the significance of my "lifelong" membership in a fraternal organization has faded into little more than fond memories of weekends spent having stupidly hilarious conversation to the soundtrack of early 2000s hits, bureaucratic unproductive chapter meetings, and semblances of interfraternal communal collaborations. I rarely wear my le...

Truth - You never really know how much you miss someone until you see them again. It's uncanny how differently we remember things from how they actually happened. It seems time serves as a gentle eraser where we only recall the most harrowing of times and the most amiably memorable moments. More often than not seeing someone from the past brings up warm memories. Maybe it's that instant recognition and the rapport between you all, or maybe it's a just regular nostalgia, either way. There is something special about getting back together with people you once knew. This reunion. "Nostalgia is a file that removes all the rough edges from the good old days" Doug Larson   *Check out a special vlog to catch you up on my life this week. There is something truly profound about coming back together with old friends. It's a true testament to see the strength and endurance of your bonds when you are able to just feel those same ways that you always used to. I...