Youthful Life: X

"You will be too much for some people, those are not your people." If they wanted to, they would. If there's a want, there's a will to make it happen. Meditating on those words the past few weeks has been a much needed reminder about how lackluster people truly can be. It's a recognition of laziness, disinterest, or pure apathy. It's the woes of pining, pleading, and giving power to people who cannot be bothered to choose us in return. If people wanted to communicate with us, spend time with us, be present with us, remember things significant to us, show up for us, care about us, love us, whatever - they would. What and who we choose to spend time on tells us what matters to us. If people are not willing to make time for us, make us happen, and make our connection thrive then we have to be able to address that truth. They don't want to. We cannot will people into being better for us. They have to want to be, and then they have to be. It's a two part p...

" Writing is a form of therapy; sometimes I wonder how all those who do not write, compose or paint can manage to escape the madness, melancholia, the panic and fear which is inherent in a human situation." Graham Greene I started seeing a therapist three weeks ago, and it has been the best thing I have done for me in a long while. There is a serious stigma around seeking external help. Compound that general social aversion to addressing our issues with membership in communities where that notion is amplified (masculinity, blackness, first-generation American), and it is easy to see why so many people do not explore the idea. It was midnight one night, and I just decided to find a therapist, setup an appointment, and give it a go. There was nothing stopping me, and I had all I needed to able to do it. I spent the night doing research on what to expect, and it was still nothing like I had been socialized to expect. There was a couch, and there were notes being taken ...

" Never idealize others. They will never live up to your expectations" Leo Buscaglia I wonder if I expect too much of others . In some ways I also question if my expectations are too close to the bare minimum. There doesn't quite seem to be a middle ground of compromise balancing my internal expectations and my external pronouncements. I get frustrated when I behave in certain ways - going above and beyond for others, being present and supportive, showing up, etc. - and don't receive reciprocated energy, effort, or time. The real person to blame though is me for never getting explicit in saying what I need, what I want, and what I'm looking for. Other people cannot read my mind, and I don't get to be petty, hold grudges, or write people off because they couldn't telepathically psychoanalyze me. I'm learning that I cannot be disappointed when people fail me because I never communicated what it would take for them to succeed. How can I be surp...