Youthful Life: X

"I'm an off-the-charts introvert. To me, being around groups of strangers is exhausting. I've had to sort of train myself to think about two tactics: finding common ground  and invoking humor." Sam Yagan There are times where I love being me - which more and more is my mode of operation, and for that unabashed self-love I am grateful - and there are times where I wish I could take on the qualities of others around me. Being social is one of those situations. From the outside people read me as comfortable, charismatic, and confident. I tell a lot of jokes, can light up a room, and connect with just about anyone, but what people don't see is how anxious, afraid, and awkward I am, or at least how I feel. I use humor as a defense mechanism, focus on other people to avoid talking about myself, and, worry constantly about whether or not people like me. I have spent so much of my life living in fear of not being liked, namely because of internalized racism and th...

The 20s are all about rallying. People love to have something or someone to rally around. It's what we do. We organize, come together, and throw our support behind things and people that we care about. It's an awe-inspiring phenomenon to see in full force à la protests, boycotts, and sit-ins but also in small ways like groups of people hanging out, videos going viral, and successful fundraising efforts. There is something to be said about being part of those groups, but even more so what does it mean to be part of that centrality. That's where it becomes regency. As a kid I imagined myself almost always to be a prince. I never wanted to be king, just a prince. I liked the extravagance of royalty, the power that implicitly comes with it, and the recognition that comes with it. I loved playing Age of Empires - a strategic came about conquering civilizations in everyone's disturbingly violent way ... warfare. Many a Friday night in high school was spend firing cannons...

The 20s are all about giving your love. Love. What a powerful word. What does it mean to love or to be loved? Everyone has their own definition and it feels different for each and every one of us. You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else or expect anyone to love you for that matter. Self-love is the most important love because it's where all other love comes from. When you love yourself, then and only then are you able to give your love. But love isn't always given freely; sometimes it has to be earned. This is not one of those times. This is baby love.  For as long as I can remember I have loved kids but specifically babies and particularly newborns. It's such a weird thing to say but it's the absolute truth. When I was in high school I volunteered in a maternity ward for just over two years and absolutely loved it. Every Wednesday my parents would drop me off and for a solid three hours I would get to be the best version of me. I donned my teal...

The 20s are all about defining your own rules for how you carry yourself. The current most overplayed song other than the incessant upbeat diehard peppiness that is "Happy" is "Talk Dirty." Yeah the lyrics are demeaning and crude, but that beat tho. All I'm saying is our generation may be a little freakier or down with the taboo unspeakables than we like to let on. Every once in a while you have to shake things up, keep people guessing, and explore some other parts of your personality. There's always more to each one of us than we let on. Break the ceiling (screw the room without a roof) and talk dirty. This has been the summer of the lockdown. It seems like everyone I know is getting some or someone and I'm over here just like dumbfounded at what's going on. Maybe it's something in this unfiltered water everyone keeps ranting and raving about. So let me make fun of my generation's "dating culture" as if that's a thing. I...

The 20s are all about being authentic. The hardest thing about college is knowing when you're actually being you. There are so many metta (that word totally peeves me) moments where you question whether or not you're being true to yourself. When you do or say something out character, is that going against who you are, or is it rather another side of you, which still makes it part of you (I just confused myself with that sentence)? I guess there's no real answer. How do we even know we're actually keeping it real. Even when we're faking it, isn't that just us being us (#mindblown)? There is something to be said about letting the real you shine through. The big question is what happens when you have to keep faking it? Let me bring you up to speed on last weekend as quickly as I can. So Friday morning kicked off in the aftermath of a night with little sleep with a physics exam that actually wasn't too bad (but me thinking something manageable means absolute...

The 20s are all about being comfortable. It's a rare pleasure these days just to find time to just be - be fully present and show up as authentically you as possible. Our surroundings constantly change and we're forced to adapt as we go, it's no wonder that we avoid change at all costs. We like the familiar and we flock to it. Sometimes it's good to indulge in it. Be some place with people you know doing something you enjoy. Everything else will change, but for a few moments, it's okay. Party over here, party over there - can I get what what? This is sleepover in suite 613. When the Suite Life of Zack and Cody ended I wasn't too turn up about it but I will never forget some of the memorable antics of Arwin, Esteban, Momma Martin, Mr. Moseby and the rest of that crazy cast (Dylan Sprouse nudes anybody and the fact that he gained over 300K followers on twitter in one night because of it ... ya nasty) always made me want to live in a hotel. While the plot was r...