Youthful Life: X

" You haven’t healed, I can tell from how cruel you are.” Warsan Shire We're all carrying things with us. Some of things we're carrying visibly weigh on us while others are cloaked but remain heavy nonetheless. The thing about heaviness is that we have the potential to transform it. Oftentimes we get caught up in believing that the hardships we carry will be part of us for our entireties. In reality, we can shift the weight, redistribute it, or even better lighten the load. I don't think we ever really unload all that has stayed with us but I do believe that we can compact it, extract its essence, and convert it into something more manageable or even useful. What a powerful sentiment. There's hope in that.  If we don't have to hold all this heaviness forever that can mean a great deal for us. That means that how we feel, what we're holding, and how we're carrying it will not always be this way. Things aren't hopeless. While some things may...

"Empathy is simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of you’re not alone.” Brene Brown I saw a tweet the other day that stopped me in my tracks and made my jaw drop. How could someone so succinctly summarize this seemingly convoluted concept I had rattling around in my head. She said, "Americans are really good at acute compassion, but pretty bad at chronic empathy. We without questions, haul strangers out a raging flood, give blood, give shelter. But we are lousy at legislating safe, sustainable communities, at eldercare, at accessible streets and buildings. It is the long-term work that makes the disasters less damaging. But we don't want to give to the needy, we want to save the endangered. We don't like being care workers, we want to be heroes. The world does not need more heroes.  We need more care." Sigrid Joy Ellis We struggle with sustained care. We want to ...

"The health of the eye seems to demand a horizon. We are never tired, so long as we can see far enough." Ralph Waldo Emerson I am tired. I am absolutely exhausted. I am completely depleted. I don't think I have ever felt this tired in the entirety of my life. There's something distinctly about the tiredness I'm experiencing as of late. It's not just that my body feels unrested regardless of how much I sleep, it's the general lethargy that pervades through the days. Life is tiring. Having to be a person all of the time is depleting. Needing to do, needing to be, and needing to know is a whole lot. There's so little room and time for existing without the world or the people in it needing or wanting something from me. I have found myself turning off my phone and disconnecting more and more. I just disappear and pretend to not exist for a little while. It's almost peaceful but I know what awaits me when I return from my few moments of solitude is ...

" Self-deprecating humor and brutal honesty is a really freeing thing." Margo Price Self-deprecation has its place in our communal communicative wheelhouse. And, it's not meant to be the primary way that we share who we are. Lately, I have been noticing that some of the people around me exclusively speak about themselves in the negative, whether facetiously or not. I did not realize how pervasive it was until I started paying closer attention. Right off the bat it's straight to the self-deprecation. That's it. All I know about some people is the things they have downplayed as insignificant, and all the ways that they are inadequate (by some arbitrary standard). I don't actually know who they are because what they are communicating, whether purposefully or by force of habit, is an incomplete blooper reel.  Moderate self-deprecation communicates self-knowledge, endears, and encourages others to loosen up. Toxic self-deprecation articulates an unhealthy s...

"Home is the center of life. It's the wellspring of personhood. It's where we say we're ourselves." Matthew Desmond For much of my life I learned I was supposed to care about others more than I did myself. I think I took it to an extreme. I learned how to prioritize other people, to make them feel good, and to ensure their peace. Most my time was spent thinking about how to cater to others, to communicate to them them that they mattered to me, and to gift all that I could to them. In striving to be selfless I lost my self. I lost myself in other people. I lost me in their hardships, heartbreaks, and horror. It wasn't that I didn't know who I was, but my self-definition had been relational. I was me, but only in proximity to others. I was me by connection. I was always so and so's brother, friend, uncle, boss, advisor, confidant, fixer, protector, advocate, ally, activist, and, and on, and on, ad naseum until I was nauseated. It wasn't even ...

"Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world." Harriet Tubman Do you dream? Do your dreams scare you? Are you dreams wondrous, magnificent, awe-inspiring? Do your dreams seem phantasmagorical, sublime, or surreal? Dreams in this literal and figurative connotations are significant to our experiences. Dreams let us imagine worlds, lives, and instances where the impossible becomes plausible. Dreams are critical to our grasping of what we are capable of. What do our dreams say about us? Are we paying attention? Are we noticing patterns? Are we taking actions to interpret the messages our dreams are communicating to us? Dreams are a manifestation of our subconscious. The part of ourselves that lies deep beneath the surface and speaks to the essence of both who we are, who we're afraid of, and who we're striving to be. What happens when we take serio...

"I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do." Leonardo Da Vinci We live in a society that has come to value expediency over substance. It doesn't matter what we say, just that we say something, and be the first to say it. Knowledge has lost its gravity. Knowledge needs context, always. Contrary to what we're seeing continually, patience, self-restraint, and perspective matter just as much, if not more, than expediency. What does it matter if we're first if we're false? Pause. Wait to respond. Think. Think! Think!!! Before we speak, think. Our answers are more thoughtful and thorough we give ourselves that time to properly formulate them. We get to speak with precision instead of haphazardly. And, and, and we don't have to know everything. In fact, we should NOT know everything. Life would be pointless if we did. Learning is what life is, in essence.  Be teachab...

" When you've seen beyond yourself, then you may find, peace of mind is waiting there." George Harrison There's something to be said about being seen . By that, I mean when others take the time to honor your humanity. It's people stopping to give you their undivided attention, gifting you their time, and devoting their energy to you, and you alone. It's this moment of intense human connection. It's purposeful. It's entrancing. It's meaningful. Oh to see, and to be seen. In a world where we see very little beyond the confines of our viewpoint to truly see another person, even if only for a moment, is something significant. People are used to not being seen. Who takes the time to notice them, to recognize their existence, and to celebrate their humanity just because? It can be a rarity. We expect people to treat us largely with indifference, let alone prioritize us in a fleeting moment. When people do relish in our presence, grace us with the...

" In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." Theodore Roosevelt Making decisions becomes more prominent the further along we go in life. Day by day we are tasked with choosing what is best, or right for us. Try as we may, ultimately, much of the choices we face are left to us within our own capacities. To some, that can seem daunting, whereas others welcome the opportunity to make decisions. Decision making can be a nuanced process that utilizes elements from both ends fear/eagerness spectrum. Careful consideration means evaluating, forecasting possible outcomes, and calculating impacts in the near, and foreseeable future. Taking time to make decisions helps us feel confident in our process to get to a point of clarity, better understand complex emotions, and unearth the root cause of our potential indecisiveness. We must be vigilant to ensure our painst...