Youthful Life: X

"Life and death are one thread, the same line viewed from different sides." Lao Tzu I write this blog post in memory of my adopted grandfather . I write this to mourn. I write this to process through my emotions. I write this as a thank you to him. I write this for me. As I type these words tears stream down my face. I breathe unevenly. I shudder under my own breath. I shake, my heart races, and my body caves into itself. I sit in silence letting the sounds of the world wash over me. I am saddened. I am distracted. I am distraught. I feel everything and nothing at the same time. The voice of my father telling me that my grandfather had passed away plays over and over in my head. I pulled to the parking of Best Buy and cried for 30 minutes to the point that I nearly threw up. Overcome with emotion, loss for words, and wanting nothing more than to just be with my family. Death is so final. Death is so decisive. Death is so poignant. One day a person is there, and then the...

"It's okay to be yourself and to love and accept yourself however you are." Dees Rees It's okay to just be ... okay . Sometimes people ask us how we're doing and we give okay as a response there's a moment of awkward consciousness. Being okay is not necessarily a bad thing, but it's not abundantly positive either. It just is. It's an equilibrium. It's a medium. It's fine, not stellar, nor horrible. People often press when we say we're okay, as if that's not enough. They push and prod as if they want us to change our answer to placate them and their insecurity that someone could be having a different life experience than them. That's not our jobs. That's not fair. When we ask people how they're doing, we have to be open to their response, and to validate it. We don't get to choose or police how other people feel. It limits their emotional autonomy. Sometimes, people are just meh. That's okay. It's not a judge...

"The very definition of 'blackness' is as broad as that of 'whiteness,' yet we're seemingly always trying to find a specific, limited definition." Issa Rae Where do you go when you belong nowhere? What is the place you can rest when the world wants you to be restless? What happens when others deem you unworthy of peace, when you existence is a problem, when your life is and of itself is a political issue? That is the dilemma of blackness. Blackness inherently has no significance but because of the ways we're socialized to respond, interact, and navigate race it comes with a lifetime of things to unpack. I had someone ask me if I liked being black last week. I had to explain to them that I love being black, and that I would not be me without it. Blackness is not a burden, a curse, or a summation - but it's how we treat black people, and blackness itself that makes existing, persisting, resisting while black an everyday challenge.  Oppress...

"Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact" William James Toxic. It's this new way to describe people and the malicious behaviors/words they spew. It's the go to word for how people are articulating their big moods, goals, and mindsets for this year - removing toxic people from their circle. Distancing yourself from people who bring you down, make you feel bad about yourself, and cause you nothing but hardship, anguish, or anger will never not be commendable. There does, however, come a point where branding anything or anyone who does not make you "happy" as "negativity" undermines the integrity of that duality. Especially in this political time and space that we find ourselves in, more and more people seem to be removing anyone who does not share their views from their lives both digitally or in reality.  And that's not to say that letting go of people whose ideologies, opinions, and beliefs are dehu...

Truth - Sometimes we have to forgive ourselves to set ourselves free. It takes absolving ourselves of some of the things we carry with us and those things we do not have control us that happen to us to exonerate us. We can create our imprisonment and subsequently can be the only ones to free ourselves from our self-induced bondage. We can be so critical and unrelenting of ourselves but may be causing our own demise. Cut yourself some slack, express your emotions, and be forgiven. "We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. They who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies." MLK Jr. What we mean when we say we have to forgive ourselves? For me personally, that is a notion I came to understand in college. Some of the past trauma I had never let go and carried with became too heavy to continue on with. I ...

Truth - It's okay to not be okay. If no one has ever told you that, or even more importantly, you have never said those words to yourself, there you go. Read it again and take it to heart. It is perfectly fine, and actually quite healthy to not always be okay. There will be turbulence, strife, and friction in our lives. It's those that embrace it and go through it collaboratively rather than in isolation that often make it out better, and quicker than who go it alone. Who do you go to though when you are the mediator for everyone else? "The essence of being human is that one does not seek perfection" George Orwell The hardest thing about being me is the externally perpetuated but self-inflicted plight of constantly striving to be perfect in every way. Every single day I push to give my all and the entirety of myself to others. In doing so I leave no grace for myself in the process. There's no room for error. There's no place to be challenged. There's...