"It's okay to be yourself and to love and accept yourself however you are." Dees Rees

It's okay to just be ... okay. Sometimes people ask us how we're doing and we give okay as a response there's a moment of awkward consciousness. Being okay is not necessarily a bad thing, but it's not abundantly positive either. It just is. It's an equilibrium. It's a medium. It's fine, not stellar, nor horrible. People often press when we say we're okay, as if that's not enough. They push and prod as if they want us to change our answer to placate them and their insecurity that someone could be having a different life experience than them. That's not our jobs. That's not fair. When we ask people how they're doing, we have to be open to their response, and to validate it. We don't get to choose or police how other people feel. It limits their emotional autonomy. Sometimes, people are just meh. That's okay. It's not a judgement against us - in fact has nothing to do with us; it just is. We have to let people be, and just be. 

Existing is enough. There are days and moments when that's all that we can do. Breathe, survive, live. We participate in a society that demands we give our all but simultaneously devalues the all that we're giving. The ways that we perceive people to be carrying their loads, enduring hardship, embodying identities, and co-constructing privilege, can vary greatly. Our vantage points, experiences, and beliefs impact how we view, and receive other people. What's so wrong with just being a person? Are we not owed that? Do we not deserve peace, solace, and contentment just by nature of being alive? The world asks much of us and often does not replenish what it takes. To be, to be okay, and to be okay with that sentiment is a simply complicated battle in and of itself. There is something to be said about being, carving out your space, and owning it as an indisputable declaration of worthiness. We get to just be. We get to give ourselves permission to float, wander, sit, rest, ponder, etc. We have to hold the self-evident truth of our inherent humanity steadfast. Enough. Us as enough. You as enough. I as enough. By myself, as I am, just for being who and how I am - regardless of my shortcomings, flaws, and pitfalls, and in spite of my imperfections, insecurities, and scars. In fact, in honor of those humanities that is why I am enough.

We are worth celebrating. The little things in our lives, our accomplishments, our battles, and even our efforts are deserving of praise. Trying sometimes is as significant as succeeding. When we're combating the challenges of life, not succumbing to it all is noteworthy. Do we take the time to acknowledge our persistence? Just by moving forward, or moving at all - we're still trying. We awoke. We cleaned ourselves up. We put on clothes. We cleaned, ran errands, made food. We responded to texts, made a phone call, did our jobs, etc. Sometimes when we're doing okay, those things, those bare minimums are huge. Anything is something. And for us to feel secure in ourselves when we are constantly bombarded with reminders of how everyone else is living, or values judgements on how we should be, that's massive.

Comparison gets us little to nowhere. When we use to self-deprecate, wallow, or debilitate it's destructive. Comparison can be a useful motivator if it's realistic, and adapted to the specificity of ourselves. More often than not comparison breeds jealousy, envy, resentment, and feelings of inadequacy that are less than utilitarian. Instead of measuring ourselves against the lives of others - a standard by which we will always fail - we have to decide how we'll benchmark ourselves. Money, titles, relationships, kindness, generosity, support, meaningfulness, etc. whatever we value we get to choose the standard by which we evaluate. Those celebrations should be of what we do, how we take initiative, and what we create. Life, goodness, opportunity, love, and all the rest does just happen to us, we have to make it happen. Active roles shift our viewpoint from passive bystanders to active creators in our own lives - as we should be. 

We get to feel good about ourselves. In order to do all that we do for others we must be kind towards ourselves. Cut ourselves some slack, let things go, process and move past our mistakes, and highlight our best qualities as often it not more than our inequities. Focusing on what we have to be grateful is antithetical to zeroing in on what could be better or what we believe to be wrong. Being okay is relishing in the moment. Being present in our own bodies, minds, spirits, and souls. Being where we are, as we are devoid of detractions and distractions. What are the things that bring us peace, make us smile, warm our hearts, excite us, bring tears of joys to our eyes? What are doing well, how have we been good to others we care about, and what progress have we made in bettering ourselves? Taking time to take inventory of who we are, how we are, and what we are gives us much hold on to. People need to be able to champion themselves, feel pride, and have control of their self-image, and self-esteem. Let them. Give them space. Hell, get out of the way because once again it's not about us. Chastising people for loving themselves can be selfish and downright cruel. Why detract from others when we too can be our own most beloved. There is power, strength, vulnerability, and self-actualization in that. It's okay. We're okay. That's okay. X


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