Youthful Life: X

"My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude” Warsan Shire Find someone, meet someone, be with someone - we live in a society that deems us incomplete lest we have someone else. I don't subscribe to that ideology. I believe in wholeness. I believe in additions not completions. I believe in co-creation not achievement. Togetherness is not the opposite of singledom. People are often "together" but distanced and isolated nonetheless. The more I move through life I have come to realize that what people want, need, and desire in others varies - drastically. For some, the quest for their one true love, their perfect match, soul mate, if you will occupies them. It seems effortless.  For others, it's people that may not "fit" together but put in the effort to make it work. For others still it's a sort of crowd-sourcing, so that their "someone" is not their everything - it's sharing different kinds of...

"Beauty is power; a smile is its sword." John Ray The process of becoming "pretty" or at least "prettier" has been fascinating for me. I vividly remember how people used to look through me, as if I wasn't there, as if I was invisible, as I wasn't even worth a passing glance. Now I get stared at, people do double-takes, and I feel too  seen. Couple that with the rarity of my deeply rich blackness in predominantly white spaces and its impossible for me to separate out what's the discomfort or fascination of me being black with me being aesthetically pleasing. Either way, I'm getting a lot more attention because of the way I look and I don't quite know how to deal with it. It seems like a fluke, a practical joke, or some kind of cruel prank but people are genuinely taking an interest in me. The compliments whether it be on my clothing, my smile, or my everything in general just come from every which way. I'm having difficulty a...

"What's wrong with being elitist if you are trying to encourage people to join the elite rather than being exclusive?" Richard Dawkins I'm an elitist . There I said it. Being in a place where I have an even wider variety of people with differing experiences, life paths, belief systems, etc. has made me realize just how much my access to education and corresponding "pedigree" has impacted me. The way I talk, what I talk about, how I carry myself, why I dress the way I do, and everything in between communicates I am a product of an immense amount of privilege. There's nothing implicitly wrong with that per say but it can easily become a problem in snobbishness, snootiness, and unappealing arrogance. I don't think I'm better than other people but pretending I'm like other people is a falsity for us all. I have had a rare life experience with a lot of opportunity. I think for me it shows up most when people are intimidated by me, have diffic...

" Life has taught me that it is not for our faults that we are disliked and even hated, but for our qualities." Bernard Berenson The biggest woe of dating besides superficiality, search preferences, ghosting, fizzling out, and ambiguity is the asymmetrical like. Nothing is more disappointing than liking someone and them not liking you back. I don't know about anyone else but when I like someone I have this dastardly habit of letting my imagination run wild, with them in tow no less, only to have it remain nothing more than a dream. There's nothing like being abrupt woken up from a good dream. It's all pinterest board weddings, rom-com love story arcs, and Instagram bae unbearable cuteness until reality hits, and the "I'm just not that into you" brings me back to down to Earth. The truth is being "in-like" is the same as actually liking someone. Sometimes I build people up so much in my head that who they are is distorted by who I imagi...

Truth - Relationships are complicated. The dating game has changed drastically. The ways in which people get together, stay together, and even separate have been  totally revamped. The old school sentiments of going steady, traditional dates, and all the idealized lovey-dovey monogamous commitment stuff seems to be on the outs. Just as people everywhere are playing the game differently, some things still haven't changed. Who gets called off the bench, who is nothing more than a gimmick, and who plays from start to finish. This is big black ... "If what you see by the eye doesn't please you, then close your eyes, and see from the heart. Because the heart can see beauty and love more than the eyes can ever wonder" Let's talk about sex . Our society has really made it up to be both all we talk about but shamefully taboo at the same time. Every other song lyrics is about getting it on, having passionate sex, or record numbers of orgasms that are out of this wor...

The 20s are all about putting yourself out there. The dating game has changed drastically. In addition to having to understand the rules of interaction in person, you're tasked with being well-versed in the language of textual conversations, sliding into the DMs, picture liking, snapchat conversations, and the mutual match. It's become nearly impossible to avoid dating apps, and that may not necessarily be a bad thing. With a little finesse, you can still get what you really want even if it all started with a swipe to the right. This is how to get away with tinder.   Like a lot of people of I know I was super skeptical and vehemently against the idea of getting on the bandwagon of connection apps like Tinder, Hot or Not, Blendr, or the infamous Grindr. To me it sounds impersonal, unorthodox, and kind of desperate. I couldn't connect with someone in real life how was I going to have a meaningful interaction with someone through a mediated app? On top of that I was morall...

The 20s are all about realizing you absolutely know nothing. There are just some topics that it's okay to not be a know-it-all about. For me, that's many things, but most definitely women, dating, and anything that has to do with relationships. It's not like you go through any formal training in the topic of courtship, love-chasing, or getting the hookup - whatever you want to call it. It's not something you learn in school, and it'd be awkward as hell if your parents taught you the ways of attraction. You fumble, stumble, and tumble your way through the struggle - in its fullest form. You pray, beg, and plead up above, and then acquiesce to the girl almighty. The ways in which college changes everything never cease to amaze me. Even how people go about meeting new people, finding potential partners, or just downright hooking right on up has changed drastically in my time here. It seems like people have taken their impatience to all new levels with the advent of...