Youthful Life: X

"The very definition of 'blackness' is as broad as that of 'whiteness,' yet we're seemingly always trying to find a specific, limited definition." Issa Rae Where do you go when you belong nowhere? What is the place you can rest when the world wants you to be restless? What happens when others deem you unworthy of peace, when you existence is a problem, when your life is and of itself is a political issue? That is the dilemma of blackness. Blackness inherently has no significance but because of the ways we're socialized to respond, interact, and navigate race it comes with a lifetime of things to unpack. I had someone ask me if I liked being black last week. I had to explain to them that I love being black, and that I would not be me without it. Blackness is not a burden, a curse, or a summation - but it's how we treat black people, and blackness itself that makes existing, persisting, resisting while black an everyday challenge.  Oppress...

"I'm an off-the-charts introvert. To me, being around groups of strangers is exhausting. I've had to sort of train myself to think about two tactics: finding common ground  and invoking humor." Sam Yagan There are times where I love being me - which more and more is my mode of operation, and for that unabashed self-love I am grateful - and there are times where I wish I could take on the qualities of others around me. Being social is one of those situations. From the outside people read me as comfortable, charismatic, and confident. I tell a lot of jokes, can light up a room, and connect with just about anyone, but what people don't see is how anxious, afraid, and awkward I am, or at least how I feel. I use humor as a defense mechanism, focus on other people to avoid talking about myself, and, worry constantly about whether or not people like me. I have spent so much of my life living in fear of not being liked, namely because of internalized racism and th...

"Now, then, in order to understand white supremacy we must dismiss the fallacious notion that white people can give anybody their freedom." Stokely Carmichael "I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain." James A. Baldwin I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I'm lethargic. The past few days, as if they are different than any other days of my life existing as our countries most blatantly visible "problem" (cc: W.E.B. DuBois), have run me ragged. It's not dealing with the images of fanatical vitriole dressed down in polos, khakis, and swastikas with tacky Pier One Imports-style ironic culturally appropriated tiki torches that is a poor man's (quite literally; lol at racism and xenophobia masquerading as economic anxiety) KKK copycats sans hoods. It's not the hurling of racial, homophobic, or anti-semitic slurs coupled with Nazi call...

I don't know what to say . I know exactly what I want to say. I am constantly on the verge of tears. I shake uncontrollably, I panic constantly, and I am paranoid. Racial battle fatigue is the traumatic aftermath of  never-ending psychological warfare. I teeter in this obscurity of pretend bliss and mortal fear. I exist only in the marginalia. Outsider, other, thug, brotha, criminal, savage, animal, subhuman. Am I a human being? Am I here right now? God where are you? Why did you do this to me? Why am I like this? My skin, my melanin, my culture, my language, my nose, my lips, my teeth - my body, broken, battered, beaten. Here I am, do you know me? Am I one of your children? Why have you forsaken me? I lay hear at your feet, begging, pleading, praying, that you will hear my cries. My literal cries. My screams of horror. My tears of sorrow. My heart that never stops beating as if to escape from my chest, from its cage, from the compounds where they used to keep us, from captivity, f...

Truth - stories are how we communicate. Stories matter more than we may ever truly know. It's through stories that we create our truths and come to believe what we believe. It's by the storytelling of others and their craftsmanship of the narrative, richness of the plot, and vivacious characters that we come to have our worldviews. Stories have an immense power if only they are allowed to be told. Representation matters, stories matter, we matter.   "There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations - these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub and exploit - immortal horrors or everlasting splendors. This does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn. We must play. But our merriment must be of that kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously ...

Truth - Some people are amazing because of who they are, but there are a select few who are awe-inspiring in spite of the adversity they face. There is something profound to be said about those that society writes off in multiple ways. These are the people that are often overlooked, disregarded, and made to be invisible. What society doesn't realize is that in doing so it creates an undeniable power dynamic. Just as those who society uplifts have their power source, those that it disempowers get their strength from their disenfranchisement. When the world tries to break you, tell you that you are nothing, and whispers in the most insidious ways that you do not belong you break back, tell your own story, and shout that you are above it all. This is a special brand of awesome - this black girl magic.  "The kind of beauty I want most is the hard-to-get kind that comes from within - strength, courage, dignity" Ruby Dee Black girl magic is a term coined by CaShawn Thom...

Truth - It is only by looking to the past than we can learn for our futures. Those have changed history had to know what came before them in order to do so. My generation is often criticized for this perpetual bout of nostalgia we seem to be stuck in but in the grand scheme, I think it is a longing for simpler times. It's knowing where you came from and determining where you want to go. Time to take trip back in time - this is history. "I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past" Thomas Jefferson *This posts marks the fifth birthday of the start of this blog! Five years, 714 posts, 312,000+ pageviews and thousands of words later, I'm still writing. I still laugh and cringe at my first 6 months of posting when I was a senior in high school. I could easily delete those 200+ posts but I keep them to remind myself of who I used to be, how I have changed, and as a history. I have grown so much, met many a person, and searched the depths of wh...

Truth - Diversity is nothing more than the recognition of difference. It's a word that has lot the entirety of its meaning which wasn't much to begin with. What people often don't realize is that difference works both ways. It's problematic and subversive to label some people as diverse, different, or other but to leave the caller as an unnamed norm. People are not just some variations on a standard version, they are inherently valid in and of themselves. What happens when diversity goes from appreciation to appropriation and somewhere even darker? What if slavery never went away but rather evolved and took on new forms? What if we're still buying, trading, and selling people on the black market.   " Racism oppresses its victims, but also binds the oppressors, who sear their consciences with more and more lies until they become prisoners of those lies. They cannot face the truth of human equality because it reveals the horror of the injustices they commit....

Truth - there is a storm, no rebellion, scratch that a revolution coming. There is an uprising going on as we speak. There is a battle cry ringing out across the nation. Look for it but it will be in vain. Forget your TVs, radios, and newspapers - it won't be covered there. The revolution will not be televised. Turn the lights off, listen well, and take to the Internet or the streets. You are with us, that is this radical idea that human beings matter, or you are against us. The in-between - those who are silent, your silence has spoken for you and it says something sinister. It says I do not care and therefore am no different that the oppressors. It all has led up to this. This is the minority report.  "The minorities are no longer okay with being minor" Let me start with my gratitude that goes to two specific groups. People of color, keep doing what have been doing. You were drafted into this chaos by virtue of your birth and your skin color. Know that your e...