Youthful Life: X

"Our society is much more interested in information than wonder, in noise rather than silence...And I feel that we need a lot more wonder and a lot more silence in our lives" Fred Rogers There is a battle raging in our world . It's a rat race to wield the power of knowledge and truth. When knowledge is hoarded like a dragon in a cave we have to see the impact others are deprived of knowledge. It's a direct balance. Keeping people from knowing, from cultivating the tools to know, and from how to know  is cruel manipulation with devastating consequences. Should we all have the chance to know? Who deserve to know? And to know what? Do we have to know everything? More and more we are faced with these grand questions about what is right, good, just, or even equitable for every aspect of our lives, our communities, and our societies. There may not be an end all, be all, absolute answer but that does not mean a conclusion isn't worthwhile. Just because there's not a ...

"The need for connection and community is primal, as fundamental as the need for air, water, and food." Dean Ornish Giving up on people with purpose can provide us peace. Spending time away from people who forsake us helps provide us the necessary clarity to choose to let them go. Sometimes you just don’t check-in with people and suddenly two weeks, a month, or 6 months have passed. Let it be. Resist the urge and eventually it goes away. Flimsy connections fade when not reinforced especially when no solid foundation is to be found. This is not the people we may not talk to for months or years at a time but remain bonded to steadfast. This is the people who never quite make it past the constant assurance phase, and when that affirmation is no longer provided, we question the connection or feel like its dissipated. We know the difference. We have to listen to that difference. People are not meant to be so much effort. We don't have to win people over. People are not mean...

" There is nothing so cleansing or reassuring as a vicarious sadness." David Rakoff Onward - a word for the year. It's time to move on. It's time to move. It's time. Onward we go. Letting go of things or people who do not serve us can be one of the most challenging and liberating things we can do for ourselves. We can spend so much time trying to rationalize, make things or people fit, hold on when in reality often the solution is the simplest, that people or things are not supposed to be there and we need to let them go. I have found that some simple distance is exactly what is needed to recognize the lack of reciprocity. How different do we feel to be separate from people or things. If we notice there's a shift in our contentment, peace, or joy - for the better - that's a clear sign that whatever we've taken a break from is probably a cause of some unnecessary stress, hardship, or discontentment. What's the logical solution? Let it go.  Walk away...

"You will be too much for some people, those are not your people." If they wanted to, they would. If there's a want, there's a will to make it happen. Meditating on those words the past few weeks has been a much needed reminder about how lackluster people truly can be. It's a recognition of laziness, disinterest, or pure apathy. It's the woes of pining, pleading, and giving power to people who cannot be bothered to choose us in return. If people wanted to communicate with us, spend time with us, be present with us, remember things significant to us, show up for us, care about us, love us, whatever - they would. What and who we choose to spend time on tells us what matters to us. If people are not willing to make time for us, make us happen, and make our connection thrive then we have to be able to address that truth. They don't want to. We cannot will people into being better for us. They have to want to be, and then they have to be. It's a two part p...

"The benefits and possibilities that are created created by being personally accountable are countless." Jay Fiset Accountability is truth actualized. Calls for unity without amends are inauthentic means of gaslighting, silencing, and minimizing harm. We cannot and should not move forward on any scale without the necessary recognition of all that has transpired. It's dangerous for all involved. Those that have caused harm continue aloof as to how they have caused harm for others and will continue to do so, or never take the opportunity to hold themselves accountable to responsibly own their "stuff." For those that are most directly impacted it's a questioning of sanity to even wonder if all that was experienced, felt, etc. was even real. It's a gutting discarding of truth in favor of prioritizing false comfort. People have to be uncomfortable. Harm has been caused. Pain has been given out. Violence in its forms has been perpetrated.  There's no real...

“A friend is the hope of the heart.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson Pandemic life has radically altered or maybe made more efficient communication. Now more than ever we are made to be consistent in how we communicate lest we further our disconnection. There's something grave about getting disconnected now. Is it easier or does it feel more permanent? Somehow it just seems like the thing to do. In times past, letting go of connections friendly or otherwise seemed like a massive deal, and now it's common. We're just not that invested in one another, or the effort we're putting in to stay connected is unbalanced. That's okay. That's the reality. That's useful.  “Talking” these days is like a subscription. It starts to run out and either we have to renew by sending a text or let it lapse and never hear from one another ever again. The goal is a lifetime subscription with automatic renewal.  Instead of renewing subscriptions we don't use in others we can just let ...

 "There are times when explanations, no matter how reasonable, just don't seem to help." Fred Rogers Living with loss is a devastating way to live . I wake up every single morning and say my mom's name aloud. Adjoa. Just for me. I roll over and look at her picture and smile. I still feel the last time she held my hand, and every time she did. If I cry to the point that I panic I hold my own hand and imagine it's her holding my hand. It's constantly reliving that truth that she had to go, that she had to leave. How could she ever leave me? The way I feel, and by that I mean specifically how I do my process of feeling, has changed in profound ways. I am a radically different person and how that's not apparent to the world is a mystery to me. It's just beneath the surface. It's always there. I am marked by loss. My spirit is dimmer. It just hurts so much. There's so much pain. There's so much emptiness. There's so much quiet. It's alwa...

" Trust yourself. You’ve survived a lot, and you’ll survive whatever is coming." Robert Tew Knowing ourselves is one of the great mysteries of life. There is always and always more to uncover about who we are and who we believe ourselves to be. The reconciliation of those two makes for a challenge of lifelong proportions. As we have new experiences all of our past, our processing of said past, and the progress we have made since come together to inform our present selves. I have spent much of my adult life bracing for impact. I am just waiting in perpetual flinch for something to happen. I am wincing for a pain that I know inevitably will come. It's odd to live such a bright life with the conditioning that darkness is almost always just over the horizon. Call it pessimistic but I call it pragmatic. There have been so many moments of joy that were interrupted by heaviness that directly called me to attention.  One text message, a phone call, a tweet, and on, and on. Wheth...

"Painful as it may be, a significant emotional event can be the catalyst for choosing a direction that serves us - and those around us - more effectively. Look for the learning."  Louisa May Alcott We are all the main characters of our own life stories . What happens when we're not quite the protagonist and instead overrun by the supporting cast, the "Big Bad" villains, or the pervasive locale as its own character? We must be central to our own narratives AND we have to get out of own stories to realize that every single person has a story just as complex, full, and nuanced as ours. That's a bit difficult to wrap our heads around. If we are the center of our solar system with overlapping components from other celestial bodies then everyone else is also positioned as the center to their own galaxy and universes. How do we depart from our home star base to visit those of others around us? What does it take for us to get out of our own heads and to send out a s...