What You Know About Me

The 20s are all about challenging your beliefs, not only about yourself but of other people and society as a whole. We're taught from a young age to believe so many things, and sometimes we find out that they're not exactly the truth. Truth is the whole story may never be shared with the majority of people. They may never care to know more. Some people know too much. We go with what we know. Question is, what you know about me?

The thing about people is that we're than what the meets the eye. What you see is not always what you get, but sometimes it is. There is always more going under there. No matter how nonchalant, practically perfect, or substance lacking someone may come off. There's so much to know about people. There's a heck of a lot to know about yourself. People know us usually in one capacity, one operating mode, and displaying only one side of our personality. We're not static characters, we are all dynamic - constantly changing and moving based on how we're interacting with our environment. For me especially people always make a big deal to point out the few moments when I'm not smiling. It's a noticeable shift in the way I show up. I'm even more reserved, drawn inward and just taking things in as opposed to interjecting my opinion. No I'm not mad. No nothing has happened to me. Yes I'm perfectly fine. Yup, I'm just tired. It's impossible to be on (that is for me charming, funny, and thoughtful) at all times. It's just not humanly possible. But people are shocked and taken aback when I'm just not having it, or when I'm not giving them the side of me that they're used to. Chill people, I'm more than okay but I'm aware my entire presence and countenance has changed. I get it, but if you never see another side of me what do you know about me. I'm more than just any identity. I'm more than just a title. I exist in more than one capacity. I'm a twenty-nothing college student like everybody else with a whole lot going, pardon me if I'm not what you're expecting at all hours of the day. Let me be me. Let me be real. Let me go about my day. It's always funny when people see the "fun" side of me. When I'm playing video games, or cracking jokes with my friends, or doing an activity, I'm just living in the moment and being goofy, like everybody else. I'm not so serious. When I get to know people and I only see one side of them it always worries me. That's how I know how serious, or not so serious our friendship is. Acquaintances know you as one thing, while your friends get to see all of you (the good and the bad) at all times. When people show you the things that aren't as picturesque about them you have to take it, and accept them. That's who they are. There's nothing that can or should be changed about them. It's kind of scary, but if you value they're friendship that's also what comes with it. Take it there. Get real. Show yourself. What you know about me?
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Every single week at college is a test to prove who you are and what you're made of. I'm always surprised, truly, with what I'm capable of and what I am able to accomplish. Limits and boundaries are pushed, and I'm finding myself going further and doing more than I ever thought possible. What do I know about me? I'm still figuring that out. I'm coming to terms with who I am and that entails. How do I react to things, and what don't I even bother to pay attention to. What's the context of who I am and how that fluctuate based on different situations. I used to think that if you changed based on who you were around that you weren't being yourself, but that's just another part of you are. We change, we adapt, and we make ourselves as comfortable as possible depending on who we're in the vicinity of. Here's the weekly recap you've been waiting for. Monday was you know ... Monday. The day is always a massive mess and general full of ratchetry (yup, take that word in) and general tomfoolery. I held my office hours, ordering a few dozen cupcakes, went to class, did some shopping for a program and had an RHA executive board (complete with chicken wings). All of sudden it was Tuesday which meant a quadruple dose of classes and struggling to stay awake. This whole recurring sleep deprivation subplot in my current life story needs to go, because knocking out in has never nor will ever be a good look. I always feel bad especially when my professor locks eyes with after I've passed out (my bad - the boy stays tired). Finished class at 7pm and had to do deal with some last minute changes (I'm going to need everyone to get it together) with a program location. Then it was time to turn it out and get serious with my "Fifty Shades of White: Privilege" program which got real so damn fast. Yes, people took it there and I think the point really hit home. We all play a part in oppression or allyship and it changes from moment to moment - we have to strive, try, and work to make a difference on a daily basis. I was so happy afterwards, like visibly beaming - which we all know is a rare occurrence  - that I couldn't even contain myself. What you know about is there's always more to come.

Wednesday was me back on my daily grind slaying problems, avoiding crisis left and right, and hitting meetings like a boss. Office hours, then a dining services meeting (get your food right people), physics (what is going on in that class - Lord only knows; problems, equations and those godforsaken clicker questions), and on to a police services review meeting. I picked up posters and then took a break from the busy life to eat with a buddy, Kace. Listening, really listening to people talk about their lives is one of the most profoundly moving things to me. Just the gravity of it all is amazing. On to my weekly RHA general body meeting which was another great successful balance of fun, business and engagement. Homework needed to be done, but the YOLO life aka my friend Mac (this whole daily friendship thing is epic but taxing at the same damn time) quasi-abducted me in the most benign way possible for a late night run to Denny's. Our dynamic duo doubled into a foursome with Connor and Ben for a booth set of random jokes, college ridiculousness and cutthroat sarcasm. Probably the highlight of my week, but in retrospect definitely should have done homework instead because that subsequent 4am bedtime was real rough. Thursday was the biggest struggle quite possibly of the entire semester so far. I was more than sleep deprived and powered through all my classes - had an advisor intervention (aka get some sleep kiddo), and then did back to back meetings for Hall Council presidents and a fraternity judicial board google hang-out training session. Did I sleep after that ... you tell me. It was out to the bowling alley with Mac, and my fraternity brothers, David, Alton, Tanner, Jake, Dom, and Zach. If Denny's was the best of the week - bowling either tied or topped it. The competition was real, the antics were high, and the relaxation and opportunity to just ... be was more than welcome. To reconnect with my friends and tone my life down (if for only one night) was more than needed. Eight slices of pizza and 4 games later it was time for bed. Friday morning happened and I was up early for my RA class where we talked more about identities. We shared in our breakout groups and it was so refreshing for people to be vulnerable and not only let us know who they are but to cry and feel as well. Three hours later it was a lunch pow-wow with one of my exec members, Jaime to recenter ourselves and plan ahead, before a catch up session with my friend Feresha over smoothies. On to another physics lecture before a bromantic snack run and it was back to my room to just decompress from a high stress week. For almost 4 hours I didn't see, hear, or talk to anyone - it was the best thing ever. I watched the latest episodes of the Crazy Ones, the Originals and the Vampire Diaries while eating chicken wings, drinking iced tea and doing my laundry (all the washers and dryers at once - the king came for his throne of pretentiousness). I called it a night just past midnight which brings me to now. This week I learned a lot about myself and how I interact with people versus how they perceive me. It's an ongoing journey of self discovery so I say what you know about me.

The 20s are all about understanding yourself, who you think you are and who society sees you as. You are more than your identities, but your identities are apart of who you are. Your experiences, memories, emotions, personality, and everything else in between make up who you are. Some things you get to decide for yourself, and others are thrust upon you. Ultimately you get to see yourself however you'd like, but our self-images are reflections of how others see us. What you know about me?

My blog post question for the day is ... what's something very few people know about you? Probably that for my 14th birthday party I had a murder mystery themed party that was supposed to take place on a cruise ship aka my house and it was a hilariously colossal mess of total randomness (still top 5 best birthdays though).

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