Do Not Disturb

The 20s are all about silence. It can be one of the weakest in some cases, and during other instances, the most powerful thing. Sometimes you just need some peace and quiet, to turn off the rest of the world, and to hear no one and nothing. College is unique in that it's a rare occasion that you're actually alone and disconnected. At any point in time it seems the solemnity of your solitude can be interrupted. There are reasons why we say do not disturb.

One of my biggest pet peeves is people asking me how I'm doing. Let me tell you, if I look perturbed then almost every time your assumption of me not having it would be correct. Of course I'm going to say I'm okay - time what you're supposed to do. There's a time and a place and this is not it, so for now I'm perfectly fine. People love to ask me how I'm really doing or why I'm not happy and I'm just thinking if and when it's about you I'll let you know. Continue to operate under the assumption that we're all good, when we have a conflict - you'll get a notification first. I can and will continue to deny that anything's wrong, no matter how many time you ask me I'll say I'm okay even if I'm not. I used to be better at pretending I was okay but nowadays I've lost my gifts and my face betrays me. It's hard to smile when the main thing on your mind is not a happy thought. Here's my advice - let people be pissed. Let us fume, let us stew, land let us be cold. Let us have time to process, to deal with our emotions and our attitudes. Sometimes you need just to fester in your feelings to figure out finally what to do. Nothing you can say or do will currently change how I'm feeling and your persistence in asking me only makes me angrier or sadder. Let me do me. If and when I need your help, you'll be in the know. Don't take it personally, it's not about you - it's me. Do not disturb. 
I look the same
You're probably wondering the context of all this, but there's not really one needed. Sometimes you just need to let people be, poking, prodding, and prying at a certain point does more harm than good. But if want to know the story, here it is. We all know that if I'm guilty of one of those seven deadly sins it would most definitely be pride. It's my greatest strength and my biggest weakness. When it comes to friendship, I'm kind slightly quite possibly a little possessive of my friends. When we're linked, we're in it for the long haul and I'm claiming you - it takes long and calling you a friend means a whole lot to me. In this way, I live in multiple social circles (as a sort of campus socialite I'm all over the place) and usually keep them separate. What I realized when I mix friends that somehow I end up getting cut out the conversation because people realize that have more in common than just me as their common denominator friend and the middle man gets nixed. I strive to be the main friend, not the backup. As a person who doesn't get jealous very often, when it does happen it's like I'm a green eyed monster (anyone remember that episode of Sabrina: the Teenage Witch). Anyway, Thursday night meant swirling it all together when it came to who I associate with (keep words here). After class, I had dinner with my buddy Kace and then met up with Connor and Dylan from RHA general body to head down to my fraternity brother's house to play video games. It was some epic fun (except when I realized Kace was better than me at Halo Reach and I got my arse handed to me multiple times) and from there it off to the student center to meet up with the rest of our general body members for our group bowling outing. In somewhat of a crisis mode, I used my connections after our van fell through to coordinate 6 cars to drive everyone to the alley. Everyone had a ride and we were all set to go and of course my beloved bromantic goof of a friend, Mac got lost on the way there (specifically after I told his whole car to navigate or if I should go with them). I just wanted everyone to be safe and get their soundly. All went well and they made it after a while. We were all bowling and I asked people to mix up and get to know new people and somehow I ended being the one to move from the lane I was going to be on so Mac and Connor could bro out (#reasonswhyIseparate). It wasn't that big of a deal, and I got to hang out with some of my favorite people anyway, tall Sam and charismatic Tina. We bowled, we danced, we ate and it was an amazing time. My fraternity brothers were gracious enough to help transport and stay to play so I was more than thankful to them. Friday I zipped through classes, and a couple meetings to hit my weekend flow. Everyone knows Friday is my do not disturb day ... here we go.

The story continues, I dealt with a minor hiccup when it came to planning the upcoming pep rally (boomsticks wouldn't be in on time) and it irked me. Mac and I rounded up our random group of people (again, mix with care people) and we hit the grocery store to get ingredients to make burgers. I think that's when I was not having any of it - the fact that every detail hadn't been planned out really got to me. I go places with a set plan and execute, done deal. I got the beef and seasoned the burgers, shaped the patties and we got to George Foreman grilling. It was fun just to hang out and cook (man do I miss cooking - where's Curtis Stone when you need him). I just wished I would have been the one to plan the whole thing in the first place (which is usually what everyone else lets, or expects me to do). Back to campus where the group of us went to play dodgeball with one of the hall councils (facepaint, bandanas and all). We had an injury from our squad that changed the mood (dear empathy and concern turn off every once in a while, will ya?) but had a major good time tossing balls. Back to get some canned goods, change, and hit the Haunted House on our Redstone campus. Yeah, so let's just say my voice was strained and out of control scratchy after that (aka screaming and running ensued). The night was settling and the few of us left, Brendan, Sam (girl-Sam) and Mac hung out in my room where shenanigans ensuded. I'm sitting there starting my weekly TV binge (7 shows every week) and they're just having a grand ole time. They decide to peace out and I hold on to personal effects. It's 2:25am when I decide to go retrieve Mac for our sleepover of safety but he's nowhere to be found. I walked around campus in the freezing cold for an hour and a half with no responses or answers when I was calling/texting. At this point it's 4:19 am and I'm distraught (everything needs to be planned and everyone has to be safe) but I decide to go to sleep. Nightmares of nonsense allow me to barely sleep before I'm up again at 8 am to do work. We have an RHA program to run, Family Fall Fest, and the weather was not cooperating so we move indoors. Finally I get a response for my missing friends and I'm more than enraged. I spent the length of the program out of it, off my game, and nowhere near charming because I just was not happy with what had gone down. Meanwhile everyone's trying to check on me. We finish and I have time away from everyone else (hence the do not disturb) to watch the rest of my shows and slowly the weight of anger is lifted off me. I'm ready to forgive, but never forget but move on. At the end of the day I realized that me being mad didn't serve a purpose, what happened, happened. I still wanted to be friends with Sam and Mac - the thought of not having them be apart of my college experience or my life at all was unfathomable. I let the anger go. It didn't matter. They were safe, I'm still a perfectionist and we're all okay - that's what's important. Do disturb your friends, they mean more than you'll ever know.

*That awkward moment when you make realizations as you write. I'm that melodramatic friend - probably why I was so mad was because I wasn't the center of attention, or that everyone else was making friends with other people without me. I'll own that and work on it.

The 20s are all about checking yourself. Personal care is one of the most important things you are made aware of in college. Even if you're used to operating with at full capacity, you have to take the time to get your life. Stop everything, block everyone out and get yourself back on track. Whether it's a break from your friends, schoolwork or extracurriculars - as long as you're doing you every once in a while (hopefully more often than not) you can be golden. Bust out your perpetual "do not disturb" face and that ridin' solo attitude. 
Laine Fraser (flapjackmelody) on Pinterest
My blog post question for the day is ... what do you do for your personal time? You all know I either blog or watch TV, both just take me there and allow me to get my life back on track after any event.


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