Know

"Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen." 

Ralph Waldo Emerson

I don't know. It's almost become a reflexive habit to utter those words. It's an indecisive cop out. It's a passing off onto someone else. It's a deflection to avoid sharing our thoughts or opinions. It's okay to say I don't know, AND in most contexts we actually do know. We need to reserve "I don't know" for rare occasions. Sometimes we're afraid to say what we want to say because we worry how other people will react, or we're scared that if we utter our real words aloud that it bring them to life. We need to stop saying we don't know. We need to start listening to our bodies. We know what we want. We know what we believe. We know what we think. The only thing stopping us from sharing what we know to be true (at least for ourselves) is ourselves. Why do we hesitate? Stop short? Stumble over ourselves? What are we afraid of? What do we have to lose? When we turn that around we realize that we have much to gain from people of knowing. People who listen to themselves, what they feel, and are bold in their decisions are people of knowing. Instant reactions are significant. When we're asked a question, we encounter someone, etc. what does our body say? Does our heart race or does it flutter? Do we feel sick to our stomachs or does it leap with joy? Do we hold our breathe or do we exhale in relief? Are we immediately excited or dreadful? What would happen if we said the first thing that came to our minds? 

I have come to realize that I almost always know what I want, and even more so what I don't want. That initial reaction that gets bogged down by rationalizing, decorum, etc. is nearly never wrong for me. It's my true heart's desire. It's my unadulterated truth. It's me raw and real. It's wise for me listen to myself. Instead of being held back by fear I have the power to create my own happiness by doing what is best for me. I know. I. Know. I know. That's profound. That's meaningful. That matters. Why do I pretend not to know when I do? In yearning to please others, I've become used to drowning out my own voice to listen to the council, no the dull roar, no the cacophony of external opinions. My opinion has to hold significance for me. It needs to be honored. It needs to be spoken, heard, and listened to by me. What does it look like for me to trust myself, trust my instincts, trust my body? What does my relationship with me mean if I second guess myself? What does an unapologetic embrace of myself feel like?

I have to choose what is right for me. I have to let go of the needs and wants of others. I have to be my own priority. I have to know what I'm looking for. I have to know what I feel. I have to listen to me. I have to act and react. Being decisive comes with this exhilarating freedom. There ambiguity dissipates. The uncertainty fades. The hope springs eternal. When I decide and act I'm moving forward for me, with me. I'm taking control of the only thing I have autonomy over in this life - myself. I'm charting my own course. I'm navigating all that comes my way. I'm improving my relationship with myself. I building trust to trust me. In choosing there is choice - that is to make a selection, AND to deny the other options. Not making a decision, is a decision. It's a paralysis of choice, when there are seemingly too many choices to possibly choose - but all we have to do is ... choose. One choice, that's it. Relying on ourselves to know what we need to do. And we know, don't forget that we know. The more we listen, the better we know. We get faster. We become more sure. We strengthen our instincts, our confidence in what and how we know. 

I think there are times when we seek the advice and counseling of others because we are uneasy about our own knowing. The truth is we know more often than not what we should do, but want someone else to tell us (what we already know). Maybe we're looking for affirmation, or an escape. Maybe we need to hear our truth from someone else to give it gravity. Maybe we dislike knowing. Almost every time I ask a coworker, a waiter, a friend what they think I should do, order, say, etc. I have already have an answer that I'm looking for. I know what I need to do. I just need to actually do it. Say it. Yell it. Speak it into existence. It's always deep down, and truly it's not that deep. When we stop to listen to ourselves, our hearts, our minds, our bodies - we learn a lot. Forget looking outward for what to do, we should start with what we have going on inside. Why deny the inevitable? Why lie to ourselves? Why avoid the only possible conclusion? We know, and once we know we're obligated to act on that knowing. When we do, powerful things happen, and don't just happen - we make them happen. That's important. We have to trust that we know (not necessarily know best). X