"Moving on is not closure. It's not neat, and it's not about turning the page. It is about moving on, but it doesn't mean that you've left something behind." Thomas Gibson
Let go. Let go of things out of your control. Let go of people who don't want to hold on to you. Let go of people who you know you should let go of. Let go. Closure is often something we are deprived of. Things rarely have a clear ending. The world is messy. We get left behind. Relationships fizzle, fall out, or fade. Closure gives us peace. Closure is definitive. Closure is final. It gives us that ultimate release to sever all ties, clean house, and move on. Closure can be hard even when we do get it, or better yet, or ensure it for ourselves. Sometimes we avoid closure because we know how decisive it is, and some part of us has hope that things will change or get better. The harsh reality is, patterns continue unless they are changed, cycles remain cyclical unless they are broken, closure is an all or nothing gambit that only happens if we make it happen.
Closure can be a tricky process - there's the actual closure conversation/act, the immediate regret, the temptation to regress, the clarity that you made the right choice for you, acceptance of a new normal, and moving forward to embrace the novelty. When you make that choice to close a door on a place, give up on someone not giving you what you need, or let go of an idea of what you thought your life would be - it serves as a catalyst to revolutionize everything else about you. By changing one thing you change everything. There is power in that. There is hope in that. There is light. Peace. Overcoming the yearn to go back to familiarity is challenging but enduring it leads to a glorious realization, that you survived without that person or that place. If you survived that means you didn't need them, or no longer need them. That is to be celebrated. You take it moment by moment, day by day, week by week, until you yearn less and less, it fades away slowly, to the point where you don't even notice it anymore. That's closure. That's a power we have within ourselves.
Closure gives back power. Victimization is one thing but when we have the choice to free ourselves from captivity and yet remain there, we become our own jailers. Read that again. We can be the arbiters of our own imprisonment. Choice is the key word there. Autonomy, agency, and free will to do with that we want. At a certain point, when either allow people or situations back into our life, sustain them there, or return back to them - we are the cause of our struggle. We are the ones preventing ourselves from having peace or closure. Maybe we don't think we deserve it. Maybe we believe we are unworthy. Maybe we don't know how. Whatever our reasons are, they pale in comparison to the infallible knowledge that we get to claim freedom, peace, and contentment for ourselves, bare minimum in life. That is both what we are owed, and what we have to create for ourselves, as often as we are able.
At a certain point people maintain power over us because we allow them, we either actively give them permission, or by nature of our passive complacency enable their empowerment. Take that in. We are causing our own problem. In that realization though is the most crucial knowledge yet, if we are the ones giving others power, we can also be the ones to reclaim it for ourselves. We. Us. You. Me. We can revoke access. We can reevaluate permission. We can redistribute power. We can set ourselves free. We can escape. We can be liberated, and we can be our liberators. Reclaiming power from others will look different for each of us but what remains steadfast is that when we
Oftentimes we want change but rarely take the action to bring about that change when we have the opportunity to do so. That begs the question, do we actually want change, or are content with where we are? Sometimes change happens in little ways over time, but other times change needs to be a "big" act. It's the difference between modifying small habits like going to bed consistently 5-10 minutes earlier to get to your ideal time, versus moving up your bed time an hour straight off. Depending on the situational context one or the other might be more effective, but all change includes both. There's something about making a bold move with change that both invigorates and terrifies us.
There's the instant gratification of having done something whether that be submitting an application to go back to school, purchasing those vacation plane tickets, or writing down what you want to say to confront someone else. Just the simple of making a plan to do something tangible can be the spurring kick that we need to do the proverbial thing. Make a list, google opportunities, do some research, ask a friend, etc. - anything that starts your process of change is useful. Sometimes seeing other people move forward challenges us to do the same and make the moves we have long been needing to make. I hope that you take reading this are your nudge to take action. Whatever you been putting off, been too afraid to do, or know deep down you need to - take this as your encouragement, sign, what have you to DO IT. We have to close one door to open another.
Choose you. The most powerful thing we can do in our lives is to choose ourselves. Instead of choosing others, instead of choosing materialistic things, as often as we are able we should choose ourselves. Choosing us is not because of others, but rather in spite of them. When others expect us to choose them, and their needs, there once, their desires instead of us – that is when choosing us becomes a radical act of self-efficacy. It is a board declaration that we above all else matter, and that we are uncompromising and holding our ground. Choosing us directly means not choosing others. That can be scary. It can be nerve-racking to have spent so long choosing other people over ourselves in that we must realize what is at stake if we don’t. When we don’t choose ourselves we get lost in the world, and performing, in other people. Who are we? What are we about? What do you want from life, and how do you want to get back to it? Choosing us gives us control over our own narratives. We are writing our life stories each and every day. Why would we ever settle with being a side character in a story that we should be the protagonist in? We are the ones who must drive her own part. We are those who deserve to make our own ending. X