Youthful Life: X

"The benefits and possibilities that are created created by being personally accountable are countless." Jay Fiset Accountability is truth actualized. Calls for unity without amends are inauthentic means of gaslighting, silencing, and minimizing harm. We cannot and should not move forward on any scale without the necessary recognition of all that has transpired. It's dangerous for all involved. Those that have caused harm continue aloof as to how they have caused harm for others and will continue to do so, or never take the opportunity to hold themselves accountable to responsibly own their "stuff." For those that are most directly impacted it's a questioning of sanity to even wonder if all that was experienced, felt, etc. was even real. It's a gutting discarding of truth in favor of prioritizing false comfort. People have to be uncomfortable. Harm has been caused. Pain has been given out. Violence in its forms has been perpetrated.  There's no real...

“A friend is the hope of the heart.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson Pandemic life has radically altered or maybe made more efficient communication. Now more than ever we are made to be consistent in how we communicate lest we further our disconnection. There's something grave about getting disconnected now. Is it easier or does it feel more permanent? Somehow it just seems like the thing to do. In times past, letting go of connections friendly or otherwise seemed like a massive deal, and now it's common. We're just not that invested in one another, or the effort we're putting in to stay connected is unbalanced. That's okay. That's the reality. That's useful.  “Talking” these days is like a subscription. It starts to run out and either we have to renew by sending a text or let it lapse and never hear from one another ever again. The goal is a lifetime subscription with automatic renewal.  Instead of renewing subscriptions we don't use in others we can just let ...

  "Often when you think you're at the end of something, you're at the beginning of something else." Fred Rogers Relationship in all its forms are about choice - intentional choice to be in community, to remain in connection, and to maintain contact . Relationships means to choose someone over, and over, and over again - time after time, without fail. When we do don’t choose people that is us effectively losing them, whether it be through choosing others, or permitting a conscious/unconscious uncoupling. Either way choice has to be an active decision, one that requires effort, sustainment, and commitment. Choice must be demonstrated. Choice must be renewed periodically. Choice must be refreshed consistently. Choice is personal. It's individual, nuanced, and specific.  When we choose without gravity, sincerity, or gumption, those are the choices that are easiest to give up on. When we choose without the full force of our hearts, spirits, and souls there is not enoug...

"A friend is one who knows you and love you just the same." Elbert Hubbard Our ability to recall some version of our most devastating life moments is one of the hallmarks of the human experience. The speed with which I can be transported back to all the awkwardness, embarrassment, and rejection is uncanny. I always feel like I have moved past things that have long happened, and yet all it takes is a reminder from someone in the present. I have come to realize that much of my life has been dictated by this incessant need to be perfect, to show up perfectly, to be perfect for other people. Even in my friendships perfectionism has reared its ugly head. I feel like I have to win. I have to be the best - friend who ever did live. I have to be amazing - to go above and beyond. I have to be everything, and good at it all. Why do I still feel like I am constantly trying to prove my worth to my friends? Why do I see myself still as the awkward social outcast that didn't qui...

" There is an organic affinity between joyousness and tenderness, and their companionship in the saintly life need in no way occasion surprise." William James One of the most striking human experiences is witnessing the reunion and embrace of people who have not seen one another in a while. To see two people emote that euphoric joy of connection is nothing short of awe-inspiring, and serves to remind us what makes so special ... connection. Two people in proximity, both physically and emotionally, having forged and continuing to reaffirm, invest, and reciprocate with one another. It’s one of the simplest and yet most complex of human relationships. Constantly we are searching, yearning, wanting connection to feel seen, heard, and valued - and to be able to do the same for others. What a gift it is to be able to recognize, validate, and celebrate the humanity of another. There’s something deeply profound of connecting with someone who is willing, able, and readily ret...

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” Anaïs Ni n Friendships in adulthood are difficult . Not inherently, necessarily, but because we make them so. Time and time again I found myself dealing with flimsy relationships. I mean relationships were the connection is weak. Something comes up, someone gets busy, we stop talking for a couple of days, and we're disconnected. These connections start off strong, and just as quick as they come they dissipate into nothingness. It's frustrating to say the least. These connections don't have enough substance to withstand the daily hardships and obstacles of life. There's not a solid foundation of investment to endure a missed reply, a cancelled plan, or a disagreement. It's these one and done instances where someone says or does something we don't like, and we give up on them. There's merit to that sentiment ...

"Words are singularly the most powerful force available to humanity. We can choose to use this force constructively with words of encouragement, or destructively using words of despair. Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate and to humble." Yehuda Berg I've been ghosted one too many times , and once is too many to begin with. Indirect communication defeats the purpose of communication inherently. Messages are misconstrued, signals are crossed, and conclusions are few and far between. I think people truly believe that their line of indirect communication laced with missed responses, multimedia scavenger hunts, and passivity is being kind to others. It's not. It's avoidance. Whether intentional or not, it communicates a lack of care, a level of disregard, and implicit disrespect. Indirect communication does the exact opposite of what people who employ its ambiguous means set out for it - hurtin...

Truth - Sometimes life seems to be good to be true. Isn't it odd how we spend so much time waiting for calamity to strike. We are constantly on the lookout for strife, hardship, and challenge. Sometimes, on rare occasions it seems (or more often if we wide our perspectives), life really can be as good as feels. Learning to capitalize on those dissipating moments is a skill many of us have little to no experience in doing successful. We have to learn how to be happy. Seems implicit but reality shows us otherwise. This is content. "The secret to happiness is freedom... And the secret to freedom is courage." Thucydides I have a confession to make. I don't know how to be happy. I don't think I allow myself to be happy often enough to recognize it when I'm feeling it. I have grown accustomed to just settling for being mostly appeased but less than stellar. But as of late, I would say my post-collegiate years, I have been surrounded by happiness. I'...

Truth - Things rarely, if ever, work out the way we imagine them to. In fact, all the time spent obsessively trying to forecast the future only to be disappointed by the difference between our projected premonitions and reality, could be better spent trying to take things as they are. There's this part of humanity that desperately tries to make sense, meaning, perfect - what have you, out of the ambiguity of life. It's the paradox of predestination juxtaposed against the conceptualization of free-will. Are the two diametrically opposed, mutually exclusive, and the antithesis of one another? All I know is that people maybe vie for control because it gives them power to make things the way they want them instead of life running its unpredictable course. Who knows what will next. I think people just want some closure.  "I don't believe you ever get closure on anything. Things leave a permanent mark on you."  Allison Anders Life is messy, people. Life is r...

Truth - Curiosity is what keeps us exploring. There is this human need to learn more, try new things, and grow. Stagnancy is the antithesis of the human experience, and yet so often we find ourselves clinging to tradition, procedure, and the past. That internal struggle is a challenge for all of us to wrestle with constantly. Lose our inhibitions, be bold, and ask questions or to stick with what we know, remain comfortable, and secure our safety - those are our options. But aren't we meant to be curious?   "When you meet people, show real appreciation, then genuine curiosity" Martha Beck   What prevents us from talking to people we don't know? Is the fact that we don't know them that hinders us, or are there other reasons for our apprehension. Thinking of all the times we strike up conversations with random people - what is the common denominator in all those conversations? We share an experience. It's those moments when something outrageous happens ...