Youthful Life: X

" Writing is a form of therapy; sometimes I wonder how all those who do not write, compose or paint can manage to escape the madness, melancholia, the panic and fear which is inherent in a human situation." Graham Greene I started seeing a therapist three weeks ago, and it has been the best thing I have done for me in a long while. There is a serious stigma around seeking external help. Compound that general social aversion to addressing our issues with membership in communities where that notion is amplified (masculinity, blackness, first-generation American), and it is easy to see why so many people do not explore the idea. It was midnight one night, and I just decided to find a therapist, setup an appointment, and give it a go. There was nothing stopping me, and I had all I needed to able to do it. I spent the night doing research on what to expect, and it was still nothing like I had been socialized to expect. There was a couch, and there were notes being taken ...

" Never idealize others. They will never live up to your expectations" Leo Buscaglia I wonder if I expect too much of others . In some ways I also question if my expectations are too close to the bare minimum. There doesn't quite seem to be a middle ground of compromise balancing my internal expectations and my external pronouncements. I get frustrated when I behave in certain ways - going above and beyond for others, being present and supportive, showing up, etc. - and don't receive reciprocated energy, effort, or time. The real person to blame though is me for never getting explicit in saying what I need, what I want, and what I'm looking for. Other people cannot read my mind, and I don't get to be petty, hold grudges, or write people off because they couldn't telepathically psychoanalyze me. I'm learning that I cannot be disappointed when people fail me because I never communicated what it would take for them to succeed. How can I be surp...

"Loneliness expresses the pain of being alone and solitude expresses  the glory of being alone." Paul Tillich Adulthood is lonely . And by lonely, I mean the mere act of being by yourself. There is a difference between loneliness and just being alone. There's inherent value assessment there. The former comes with negative implication, and the latter is nothing more than an ambiguous state of being. I think we are socially conditioned to want the company of others, to be in contact, and to communicate. I also think we rely too much on others to determine who we are instead of spending the time needed to decide for ourselves who we are, and even more so to not decide who we are in relation to others. It's only natural. We spend the majority of our lives surrounded by people whether with be family, friends, or community - then, suddenly, you're on your own. Seeing other people becomes a deliberate act instead of a mundane reality. We have to do things of our ...

“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” Audre Lorde I'm tired . I mean like physically, and emotionally exhausted. I feel run down, run ragged, and run over. I'm not as young as I used to be, and the effects of living a nonstop go life are finally catching up to me. Things that came effortlessly in college are little bit more arduous now. I have to be more cognizant of the ways that I exert myself. I also just so happen to do one those jobs that almost exclusively emotional intelligence, and interpersonal relationship building. Maintaining connections is hard. As an introvert, I use every last ounce of energy I have to be accommodating, welcoming, and warm to others at work. Constantly having to smile, be friendly, and genuinely show interest in other people takes a lot out of me. I love people, but I find interactions draining. Then I go home, sit in silence for a bit, read books, watch excessive amo...

" I discovered that my insecurities and my flaws were things that I actually need to embrace, and I let them become my superpowers." Skylar Grey Is it just me or does anyone else sabotage their relationships before they have the chance to become anything meaningful? I don't really know why I'm like this, or maybe I do, but just have never had the gumption to actually say it out loud. Deep down, I don't think I deserve love for a multitude of reasons but mainly because I have so much fear of being unlovable that it actually manifests itself in me trying to embody that. What I mean to say is whenever I meet someone that I have the potential to like I find something about them, whether it be a character trait, quirk, or something else about them, and I fixate on it. It's often a minute detail but the way my mind goes into overdrive essentially hyperbolizing the thing I've latched on it is truly a wonder of the most dastardly proportions. It could be an...

Truth - Life is full of ambiguity. Things never happen the way that we imagine them to. As much as we try and plan it all out, life always does it's own thing. More often than not, things tend to work out for the better, or at least gravitate towards some semblance of relative normalcy. That randomness that we all dread and strive to avoid though can be inevitable. Sometimes we have to embrace the haphazard nature of life, and just go with it. Doesn't make it any easier venturing into the unknown. "There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven't yet met." William Butler Yeats   One of the most dubiously exhilarating, and simultaneously most terrifying things in life is moving to a new place. There's new people and places to discover. Things to do, food to try, and connections to be made - the possibilities are endless. At the same time, you're absolutely all alone, fear can be truly debilitating, and doubt can settle in. It's this con...

Truth - Saying no is one of the most revolutionary acts of defiance an individual can make. No is a universal notion. It is recognizable in every language known to humankind. It is a simple negation that is woefully underused. No comes with this intangible stigma about it. There's this indescribable apprehension we have to using it, especially when it's in regards to denying the request on another person. In saying yes when we really mean no, we do nothing but a disservice to ourselves. How do you say no in a world that wants you to say otherwise? " No is a complete sentence and so often we forget that.   When we don't want to do something we can simply smile and say no.   We don't have to explain ourselves, we can just say "No".  Early on my journey I found developing the ability to say no expanded my ability to say yes and really mean it. My early attempts at saying no were often far from graceful but with practice even my no came from a pla...

Truth - We choose daily who and what we invest our time and energy into. Those choices range from the small moments where we converse politely with cashiers while buying three-ply toilet paper to dropping everything for a friend in need. We choose where we go, who we speak to, and how much energy we spend on them. Those choices deplete us. It's a combination of self-directed rejuvenation and the contributions of others that keep us from constantly being drained. What happens when we fail to recharge ourselves? What happens to our energy? "Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal." Albert Camus   We invite people into our lives . We give them permission to be here. We allow them into the sovereign territory that is us. It can be easy to be flippant with who we consent to welcome in to the privacy of our lives and how much. That flippancy though can go from misguided to problematic for the sake of our own well-being. Sometimes ...

Truth - Complete and utter silence is a rarity in this world. We spend our lives constantly on the go and take little to no time to just be, to be present, to be real, to be one with the world instead of trying to master in. There's so much noise in lives. Distractions abound, pressures build, and stress is constantly weighing us down. There always seems to be more that we can do, but to what end? When does it stop? Will it ever? There has to be some place for us to be alone with ourselves. Where is your sanctuary?   "Solitude is as needful to the imagination as society is wholesome for the character." James Russell Lowell     There seems to be this generational fear of being alone. It's this oddly striking thing others say to me. "I don't like being alone. I'm afraid that I'm going to end up by myself. I'm bored out of my mind." I realize that we go through this abrupt change where our environments shift. We grow up surrounded by p...

Truth - Self-esteem has to come for yourself. Too many times we look to others to determine our value and self-worth. It makes absolutely no sense. The key words in those hyphenated compound words is the "self" portion meaning us. We must be the ones to determine how we feel about ourselves, our bodies, our minds, our hearts, and our souls. No one else can do so. It has to be us. We have to decide for ourselves how will be embrace who we are, how we are, and why we are. It is time today, and every single day to write our own stories and be proud of our narratives. We are authors. "Self-love is the source of all our other loves" Pierre Corneille We are authors of our own life stories. Why then would we let anyone else be the protagonist in our stories? Our first-person adventures detail our experiences, hardships, and successes. Others may try to pen a few lines of our dialogue but we script our own soliloquys. Supporting characters may try to co-opt our sto...

Truth - Those who succeed may not necessarily be exceptionally talented but they do have the persistence to reach their goals. Sometimes waiting it out and chugging along is all it takes to make a breakthrough. Whereas others may give up or fall by the wayside, those who have that extra oomph in life keep going no matter what. Those who distinguish themselves from others do so by just doing what they need to longer. It may just very well be as simple as that. This is endurance. "Wondrous is the strength of cheerfulness, and its power of endurance - the cheerful man will do more in the same time, will do it; better, will preserve it longer, than the sad or sullen" Thomas Carlyle One of the most valuable traits a person can demonstrate is endurance. It's that ability to keep going regardless of what comes their way. It's those that can wade through the deepest waters that emerge not only stronger but on the other side of tidal waves. Those that able to weather ...