Youthful Life: X

Truth - We live in a world of communication. To be human is to be in contact with other humans. That ease of communication ranges greatly though from one experience to another. Some people have access to resources, devices, and networks that make communicating nearly instantaneous. Others are limited in that respect. And yet somehow people convey what they need to across barriers of medium, language, ability, etc. Conversations go on around us all the time, and sometimes they don't. The dialogues we're part of all depend on the context we find ourselves in. How do we regulate our correspondence? " Everybody is continuously connected to everybody else on Twitter, on Facebook, on Instagram, on Reddit, e-mailing, texting, faster and faster, with the flood of information jeopardizing meaning. Everybody's talking at once in a hypnotic, hyper din:  the cocktail party from hell." Maureen Dowd I remember in high school , back in the days when we had limits on ...

Truth - People behave differently when they perceive themselves to be under observation. This phenomenon is called the Hawthorne effect. If our lives are all based on our interactions with others and the world around us, then who are we? If who we are changes based on the context of where we are or who we find ourselves, the question becomes, are we ever actually being ourselves? Maybe the question is rhetorical, in that we can only ever be ourselves? Regardless, there's a lot to unpack here. This is the big interview. "I sometimes find that in interviews you learn more about yourself than the person learned about you." William Shatner It's been funny for me the amount of advice, the vast majority of it unsolicited, that I've received ever since I started my job search process. People have truly come out of the wood work to give me their opinions on how I should approach every aspect of the process. Most, if not all, of it has had benign intentions but ...

Truth - Sometimes we are prepared for life and other times we have to learn on the fly. It's those times where we are underprepared that often become the most significant for us. Who are we when we are caught off guard? How do we react when we receive bad news? Why do we behave in certain ways? Being told no has a sting to it but what's truly is poisonous is letting that venom subdue us. We can take rejection, it doesn't have to take us. "Most fears of rejection rest on the desire for approval from other people. Don't base your self-esteem on their opinions." Harvey Mackay Nobody likes to be told no but how we respond makes all the difference. More often than not we want TJ respond with denial and rebuke. It's like when you like someone but they don't like you back and so you take back your confession of feelings for them, or turn around insult them. It's juvenile, petty, and low. It speaks more to an immaturity in us than anything. We can...

Truth - Saying no is one of the most revolutionary acts of defiance an individual can make. No is a universal notion. It is recognizable in every language known to humankind. It is a simple negation that is woefully underused. No comes with this intangible stigma about it. There's this indescribable apprehension we have to using it, especially when it's in regards to denying the request on another person. In saying yes when we really mean no, we do nothing but a disservice to ourselves. How do you say no in a world that wants you to say otherwise? " No is a complete sentence and so often we forget that.   When we don't want to do something we can simply smile and say no.   We don't have to explain ourselves, we can just say "No".  Early on my journey I found developing the ability to say no expanded my ability to say yes and really mean it. My early attempts at saying no were often far from graceful but with practice even my no came from a pla...

Truth - We choose daily who and what we invest our time and energy into. Those choices range from the small moments where we converse politely with cashiers while buying three-ply toilet paper to dropping everything for a friend in need. We choose where we go, who we speak to, and how much energy we spend on them. Those choices deplete us. It's a combination of self-directed rejuvenation and the contributions of others that keep us from constantly being drained. What happens when we fail to recharge ourselves? What happens to our energy? "Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal." Albert Camus   We invite people into our lives . We give them permission to be here. We allow them into the sovereign territory that is us. It can be easy to be flippant with who we consent to welcome in to the privacy of our lives and how much. That flippancy though can go from misguided to problematic for the sake of our own well-being. Sometimes ...

Truth - Relationships can be fickle. One day things can be fast and loose; the next, things are radio silent. Sometimes it's that lightning strike of a connection that disappears just as quickly as it flashed in your life. Other times it's a blizzard that inundates you for days on end and yet slowly but surely dissipates into nothingness. The continuity between it all is that at some point that presence is not permanent - fleeting at best. What is it about the way people communicate now that allows for transience? Why do some people just fizzle out of our lives?   "O what is life, if we must hold it thus as wind-blown sparks hold momentary fire?" Ada Cambridge   Have you ever watched a sparkler burn itself out? There's that initial spark of blinding light, followed by sparks flying in all directions in the most simple and yet spectacular fashion, and soon enough what is left is a burnt carcass of something that used to literally/figuratively light us u...

Truth - Curiosity is what keeps us exploring. There is this human need to learn more, try new things, and grow. Stagnancy is the antithesis of the human experience, and yet so often we find ourselves clinging to tradition, procedure, and the past. That internal struggle is a challenge for all of us to wrestle with constantly. Lose our inhibitions, be bold, and ask questions or to stick with what we know, remain comfortable, and secure our safety - those are our options. But aren't we meant to be curious?   "When you meet people, show real appreciation, then genuine curiosity" Martha Beck   What prevents us from talking to people we don't know? Is the fact that we don't know them that hinders us, or are there other reasons for our apprehension. Thinking of all the times we strike up conversations with random people - what is the common denominator in all those conversations? We share an experience. It's those moments when something outrageous happens ...

Truth - The human experience is centered around community. We are not meant to be alone. In fact, community is critical to our survival as individuals, both in practicality and psychologically. In extreme circumstances, prolonged isolation from others results in the deterioration of the psyche, cognitive functions, and grasp on reality. We figuratively, and quite literally need people. The sustained relationships we form are essential to our existence and persistence throughout the entirety of our lives. And so let us commune.   "What it meant to me: a happy life, of course, companionship, of course. A common objective,  I think." Denis Thatcher   Behavioral styles speak to our most common ways of being. They predict how we act, interact, and communicate. For me, my introverted nature can be a challenge to overcome, particularly when it comes to forging and maintaining relationships. I am someone who loves to be invited to things but takes even more pleasure in...

Truth - How we are effects who we are. Everything that we do, and the things that happen to us have an impact on the ways that we proceed. We as people are collections of experiences, memories, and emotions. This amalgamation of all that we determines how we show and where we show up. There is a reason for our actions, our words, and our understandings of the world, and everything it. Truly reflecting on and processing through those root causes is a lifelong quest to understand the enigmatic simplicity. What are you looking for? "We don't know all the answers. If we knew all the answers we'd be bored, wouldn't we? We keep looking, searching, trying to get more knowledge." Jack LaLanne   "What are you looking for?"  It's the question that always comes up during any type of dating situation. Honestly, what kind of question is that? It depends on the person. All I know is that when I know, I'll know . Why do I have to know what I want in a...

Truth - Each period of life is marked by pivotal events, but possibly even more so the presence and the absence of those around us. People play such critical roles in our lives. The ways that people move in an out orbit to us truly is a synchronized performance of the most marvelous proportions. As some move closer in proximity, others retreat. There we are in the center of it all, pushing, and pulling on the heavenly bodies of those around us. What happens some come too close - are they burned in the process? What about those that or depart from our gravitational field, are they forever lost to the cosmos? How do we account for drift? "We sail within a vast sphere, ever drifting in uncertainty, driven from end to end." Blaise Pascal The world is a funny place. I find myself more and more moving through it and being in awe. The world is truly an elaborate labyrinth that one barely ever makes much headway in. I think of all the ways I make my world small, more m...

Truth - Our skin tells a story. It can reveal the years worth of lived in the form of hieroglyphs disguised in the musings of finely etched wrinkles. It can tell of our hardships in the rough wear of calloused palms, gently bleeding knuckles, and dirt enhanced nails. It can convey our narrative of  barrages of blood drawings, stitched scars, and gnarly bruises. It also shares our culture, heritage, and some of the communities we belong to in addition to that common history. What does your skin say? "The very definition of 'blackness' is as broad as that of 'whiteness,' yet we're seemingly always trying to find a specific, limited definition." Issa Rae I don't know. I just felt compelled to write this ode of sorts to my skin, to all people othered because of their external physicality, and as a challenge to those who still believe skin is a valid unit of measurement for the value of a human life. My skin is me and yet I am not my skin. Who wou...