How to Get Away with Tinder

The 20s are all about putting yourself out there. The dating game has changed drastically. In addition to having to understand the rules of interaction in person, you're tasked with being well-versed in the language of textual conversations, sliding into the DMs, picture liking, snapchat conversations, and the mutual match. It's become nearly impossible to avoid dating apps, and that may not necessarily be a bad thing. With a little finesse, you can still get what you really want even if it all started with a swipe to the right. This is how to get away with tinder.
 
Like a lot of people of I know I was super skeptical and vehemently against the idea of getting on the bandwagon of connection apps like Tinder, Hot or Not, Blendr, or the infamous Grindr. To me it sounds impersonal, unorthodox, and kind of desperate. I couldn't connect with someone in real life how was I going to have a meaningful interaction with someone through a mediated app? On top of that I was morally opposed to the apps and their demeaning premises. Judging someone based on a few pictures, maybe a few lines of text, and the slight chance of having some interests in common seemed degrading as hell. If you don't think someone's attractive you just discard them. It all just seemed too superficial for me. In joining the app I learned a lot not only about myself but people in general. I learned how to get away with tinder.
 
All the apps are definitively vain and shallow but honestly that's no different than what I inadvertently do in my head daily. I'm writing people off as attractive or not almost instantaneously as I walk past them, sit in class, or standing on the bus. Once I got over the skin-deep artificiality of it I set some rules for myself. I would treat it as a game and nothing more. That's how we play this thing in real life so might as well keep it that way online. That mean I should be more adventurous, take my time in swiping over people, and explore a little bit. At the very least I would get a good laugh from getting hit on or me failures to do effectively. I also have gone into knowing that I'm on to make connections, get to know people a bit, and possibly some friends - not to hook up. Having in mind your purposes in all your relationships makes everything simpler. That's how you get away with tinder.
 

Tindering Tips:

• Know what you want and stick to it - friends, relationships, hook-ups etc.
• Be clear with your intentions - let others know where you're at
• Check your biases - be mindful of things you "don't like" and question why (smokers, tattoos, piercings, etc.)
• Never tinder in public - never know if the person you're left swiping is right next to you
• Keep it light - make your bio funny, short, and to the point
• Present an accurate version of you  - nerdy, preppy, athletic, casual, etc. just be you
• Strike up a conversation - if someone matches you that means there's a mutual attraction or bare minimum an interest; use that and say hello
• Have fun - tinder when you want and don't take it seriously

In testing out tinder I decided to go in it open to making friends - that meant with girls and guys. I thought it would be hard to swipe through other guys but actually I knew exactly what things about dudes that were off-putting to me. Overall I learned that I have a propensity to express interest in other people of color of all races, body types ranged drastically, and less makeup caught my eye. My biggest turn offs were bikinis/bare chested bros, cigarettes, bad teeth, cultural appropriation (Halloween costumes of indigenous peoples = no go), and awkward high school pictures. I followed the unwritten rule of whoever matches messages. My go to opening question was about the last thing a person watched on Netflix. The answers have been hilarious and super telling. It's apparent when someone makes something up to be cool instead of the embarrassing stuff they watch alone. Conversations have been pretty good. If you have can talk about books, TV, music, movies,  food and all the basic stuff then I'm sure politics, social issues, and life come easy as well. It's all in good fun and I don't myself seriously at all. That's how to get away with tinder.
 
Tindering has taught me a lot. I would say I'm good about it because at the end of the day I already like, and even more important love myself. I know it shows as well. People liked me most when I was silly and myself. I have snapchat photos of me with my teddy bear and my retainer in for goodness sakes. Guys swipe right on me more than girls which is flattering, and girls respond way less. Unmatching isn't as bad at not responding though. Of course it's exciting when you like someone and they like you back but it's not a big deal either way. My self-confidence and self-worth come from myself not others (that self part is key). I own my attractiveness and channel it how I can. Damnit, I'm a catch and I have no intention of ever thinking of myself as anything else. Know your worth and never devalue yourself. You deserve love like you love yourself. If someone isn't giving that to you then keep moving on. Life is way too short to settle especially for love. I haven't been on any dates but if anyone asks me I'll go - free food is free freaking food.


People say that are generation doesn't know what love is or what it looks like but I say we know exactly what it is and have come to know that it comes in more ways, shapes, sizes, forms, colors, and renditions than ever before. I say that we should live it up and do what we do best. If you're feeling frisky, then do you (or someone else). If you want a relationship, pursue one. If you're okay with being single, then do say. Life isn't going anywhere. Play the field all you want and come on home whenever you're ready.

Connecting through apps does change the way we do things. It means we can moderate how we show up. It's unrealistic and manipulated. We get to present our best selves which isn't who we always are. There's nothing wrong with that as long as when we do come together in real life that we let people be themselves and bring the real us. Yes, we're constantly connected and it can be too much. Talking to so many people at once through all different forms of social media can have us mixed up. Talking doesn't always nor does it need to lead to a relationship. Monogamy is for most people but not all. As long as you communicate openly and clearly, I say enjoy your time with others. That's how you get away with tinder.

 

My blog post question for the day is ... have you ever used a matchmaking app? Prior to my time on tinder, I hadn't and the jury of me is still out. It has it's successes and failures.