Impulse

Truth - The way we live dictates the way others experience us. Head or the heart, such is the perpetually primal dichotomy under which we exist. Which governs you? Are your actions decided by your mind or are you at the beckng call of your emotions? Both have their positives and their pitfalls, and realistically we are all someone along a spectrum of both depending on the context we find ourselves in. Generally, though we may be polarized as either one. We need both to not just survive but to thrive, but a little impulse (in moderation) can do the body some good.

"We write for the same reason that we walk, talk, climb mountains or swim the oceans - because we can. We have some impulse within us that makes us want to explain ourselves to other human beings. That's why we paint, that's why we dare to love someone - because we have the impulse to explain who we are." Maya Angelou
Our emotions tell us our truest feelings in their rawest form. We learn slowly over time to curb our reactions and bottle up our feelings. We're told to think logically instead of trusting our gut. Of course there's some truth and merit to that mindset but it also denies our most basic human instincts - that is to live by our most unbridled emotions. What is wrong with saying how we feel? Why are we socialized to lie, hide our emotions, and pretend we are okay when we are not? Why is our truth a burden and not a gift? My favorite book of all time, the one that truly awakened my passion for reading and words is Lois Lowry's "The Giver." It is the original young adult dystopian future novel but is different from all the rest because of the gravity of it. A world without hope, love, colors, etc. seems impossible and yet we just might be living in it. There is a movement to unbridle ourselves. There are some that want to let go of this unwritten rules of respectability and rewrite is socially acceptable. The natural order is in fact chaos - so let it be. I wish with every fiber of my being that we could all be free to say what we needed when we needed. I wish we let our hearts show. I wish we could be liberated in ourselves and one another. I wish we followed our impulses.

There is always more beneath the surface. It is a sentiment I try to hold near and dear to me daily. Whenever something happens, someone says something, or I just cannot figure out a person I strive to remember that there is always more to know. Something else is usually going on for them. They had some kind of experience that changed them. I have no idea what people have been through. It's why we have to demonstrate kindness even when others do not. We don't know enough, we can never know enough. We don't know the impact of our words or actions, for better and worse. We have to be bold, courageous, and vulnerable. We have to share our truths and then challenge others to do the same. It's only when we speak our truths that we begin to know and be known. Question authority, the rules, and the way things are. What else is there? There has to me more. What's going on elsewhere? What is stopping us for being brave and putting ourselves out there? What are we afraid of? Have a moment of bravery and the rest will follow. That's how we use our impulses.

Lately, I've been thinking more and more about being impulsive and letting my emotions guide some of my more minor life decisions. Basically, if I feel something I'm trying to act on it. I abhor the sentiment that we do not realize what we have until it's gone. I believe we should cherish things while we are able to know them. It's that keen awareness that lets us appreciate the people and things that have in our lives. Regret is not a feeling I want to experience often especially when I have the power to avoid it all together. If I miss my mom or dad, I literally pick up the phone and call them. If they don't answer, I leave a message. I save their hilarious voicemails because I love them. If I want Taco Bell at 2am, I go there and feel great about doing it. If I see someone alone and have the urge to talk to them, I walk over to them and make conversation. I see the privilege in those statements - not everyone is able to do so but so long as I am, I am going to take advantage of what has been given to me. Things never stay the same - in fact that are constantly in flux. To act is to use moments to your benefit before they slip away. Instead of living in the future or the past, I want to live for now - for those around me, and for me. I want people to know I care about them (present tense) not wait until they are gone or it's too late. It's too important.

Knowing all the times I could have said something to change a situation or just to make a tangible human connection and didn't still gets to me. I replay those moments over and over again in my head contemplating why I didn't strike up a conversation. I know my biases hold me back or my fears that others may have prejudice against me. Again, none are valid because I cannot always tell someone's position/disposition towards me until I engage them. That's all it takes is a little bit of courage and a small bit of hope that knowing someone is going to, more often than not, better than not knowing them. How is it possible that we move concurrently in revolving circles, seeing one another pass by, but rarely break from our revolutions to collide? I want to change my trajectory at a moment's notice, and simultaneously do the same for others. I never know what someone else will teach me about the world, about life, or even about myself. Those are all lessons I want to learn though. All it takes is a moment of boldness and a little impulse. X

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