Same Dumb Excuses

The 20s are all about figuring out how to be okay. We spend so much time trying to make everything perfect or to go a certain way when we could save time and effort in being content with things just being okay. Not absolutely amazing but not horrible either, just an average day. I know we're supposed to strive to make everyday worthwhile, but that doesn't necessarily mean being out of this world legendary. That's completely unrealistic and that leaves us pursuing an unattainable goal instead of relishing in the great things that happen to us each and everyday. Why then do find ways to complicate things? Why do we hold back when it comes to just being? What have we got to lose? It's the same dumb excuses.

This week was inclusive language where some of my campus's organizations challenged the community to examine not only the language they used but the effects of those words (ghetto, fag, gay, biddie, raped, retarded, A.D.D. etc.). Take it back to Tuesday (aka the day that all hell broke loose on campus - as in everything that could go wrong in a day, did) where I was overextended, overworked and underprepared for an outrageous day of setbacks. Main one being overlooking studying for a Latin exam and having to take it. That night I helped run a social justice program with Emma and the rest of IFC and Panhel executive boards which was actually went really well (save the fact that it was pretty much us and a few guests; apparently our community will get it's educational programming other ways, or not at all). Head back up to Thursday night, and it the Inclusive Language banquet where a panel discussed how language had affected their lives. I ended up walking back from central campus with Sam (from RHA, the successor to my presidency) and getting mad real for a hot second. I was dropping truth bombs left and right like a Command and Conquer General (oh my goodness, excuse that legit nerdy reference). Every time I talk to him I question I'm so aware of how much effort it takes for me to show up with veracity instead of antagonistically. Does anyone else have that kind of relationship with some people, you don't really know where you stand? I guess for me, I'm running out of reasons as to why I keep him at arm's length away. I want to like him and let him in, but something keeps holding me back. It's the same dumb excuses.

Friday came, and with it a whole afternoon's worth of developments worthy of it's own post. Speed on up to the evening where I was recovering from the afternoon's effects and running out of reasons to keep a positive outlook for the day. On to the ALANA awards where the so-called shade fest of 2014 ensued. All I have to say is looking like you're involved and actually being involved in action oriented initiatives and events are two very different things, the former can fool some people but not all. I was totally drained from all the passive aggressiveness and long-winded presentations by some people who came out of the woodwork (you were part of our community, oh I wasn't aware - are you down with the struggle or nah, cause I didn't see you in the trenches all year long) but my friend Courtney and I were not done for the night. We grabbed our stuff and booked it to catch the bus for my fraternity's first ever formal. Whether I was ready or not, I had no more of the same dumb excuses not to be.

The attitude you bring to an experience determines that experience. I can pinpoint the exact moment my day brightened, when I was greeted outside the bus from Zach and entered to a group cheer, and slow cap from all my brothers and their guests. Obviously, we were the last people on board because me being on time would be totally stray from the norm. We headed downtown to the Marriott and trudged on in to a small ballroom. A few group and date pictures later and the music was going. Courtney and I in short dominated the dance floor. It wasn't even a game out there. We were doing the absolute most and demolishing it. I was having such an awesome time. It was the most ideal environment ever. A room full of people I knew and was completely comfortable worth. I didn't have to care about who was around or about what was going on around me. I could focus on having a good time and doing whatever I pleased. You know you're having too much fun when you get the dance cramps and your face gets tired cause you smiled for so long. Water breaks, group selfies, and throwback dance moves filled the night. It was awesome to have some of our alumni brothers there, Gabe, Phil and Derrick which it all the fulfilling. I bumped with Will, Connor, Dom, Kace, Eric, Zach, and Lane for the majority of the night. The funniest part was the disappearance of personal boundaries and surprisingly how much I didn't care about it. By the end, everybody was all touchy-feely, getting all teary eyed and sentimental and I was all sweated out from dancing so hard. The DJ was on point but midnight neared and we clambered back on the bus. It was for sure some of the coolest things I've been of in my college experience. It was a night I'll remember for a long while. And to think I had contemplated not even attending. I was short of those same dumb excuses I usually give.

Last but not least there was Saturday which entailed getting up to head to office and work on some gifts of gratitude for RHA to give to some of offices and organizations we collaborated with throughout the year. You know me, letting people know that they have had an impact on me to best of my ability. Sam decorated the mason jars with my direction, and filled them with goodies while I handwrote personalized notes for the twelve groups we wanted to thank. It was the day of the hall council block party so after problem solving a bit (story of my life, amirite) I made the rounds to take pictures, check out the festivities and congratulate all the amazing hall council members on their hard work. It was hands down the best one I'd been to in my time at my institution and their thorough planning showed. Bouncy houses, ice-cream scoopers, tie-dye, live music, and even a sword swallower were just some of the many remarkable things that went on. I was so thoroughly impressed it was unreal. The most profound thing, when people thanked me for attending and for telling them they had done a job well done. Like why does my opinion matter at all, much less more significantly than others? Back to my part of campus where I holed up with Chinese food and rewatched my all time favorite movie, Man of Steel, as a refresher for my religion project (Superman as a Christ-like figure and secular apocalypses). It was glorious. I was unordinary in how frank I was in talking with my buddy Tanner about you know ... things before we went downtown to a get-together. For the next couple of hours I sipped on good ole ginger ale and played that Egyptian Ratscrew card game with various people. I guess I learned how to be in a space, with the unpredictability of it and be okay with it. I was moving past those same dumb excuses not to go out more often.

My blog post question for the day is ... what's something you wish you did more often? I wish I spent more time just sitting and talking with people. No time contraints, not structured activity or anything else, just two people engaging in conversation.


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