Turn Me On

The 20s are all about are all dealing with your emotions. Some people say that life is nothing more than just feelings. If it's all about relationships, then emotions are how we quantify those relationships. As a late bloomer, I can wholeheartedly say that I did not catch the teenage angsty fever until my college years. I mean hot damn, when did people start playing the game so hard (or maybe they're not trying at all and I'm just crushing hard). I didn't even discover my own set of attractive skills until probably this year. Intentionality goes a long way, and realizing you've got something to offer makes a huge difference. I guess somewhere out there someone has a crush on me. Well, I've got some too. It's just not that easy though, but turn me on anyway.

When you're a mess, your streak of randomness seems to keep going. Saturday morning I woke up to fold my laundry from the previous night before hitting the town with Emma and her sorority sister, Katie, to purchase items for the Greek Games event we were planning. We started at Party City with colorful tablecovers, masks, and other little things. Off to Dick's sporting goods where were arms deep in a balls bin looking for a kickball. We grabbed bases and headed out to Starbucks before heading back to campus. The barista wrote each of our names wrong (John, Ema, and Kavire) and it was the start to a jinx for the day. We hit Michael's for facepaint where I ripped my rain jacket and purchased some overpriced popcorn flavored jelly beans. On my way in to my building, I hit myself, hard, with a door. I spent the afternoon making a slideshow for the brunch and catching up on Awkward and Faking It. Jake and I hit Panera Bread downtown for a late lunch and some thoroughly entertaining people watching. It was really good to hang out with him by ourselves, doesn't happen very often, but appreciate it every time. Evening came and I met with Mac for an adventure for Vietnamese food. The first restaurant was packed so we journeyed out to Winooski for Pho Dang where we had dinner and caught up on our lives. I don't know, trading random life stories and being in a quiet environment was probably one of my favorite parts of the week. It was calm, I had a good laugh, and left feeling even stronger in friendship. No turn ons needed, just some fun times with good friends.
My Biggest Turn Ons:
Not that anyone can dictate what anyone else looks like, but for preferences these are things about girls that catch my attention and get me just a little bit hot and bothered. Glasses, Rompers (the perfect spring/summer invention), Understated Makeup (I want to see your natural beauty), Laughter (make me laugh and you can have me), Scratchy Voice (I don't know, there's just something about it), Thick Eyebrows & Lip Game (I'm just saying the bushiness and the plump life are on point) Hair Braid Crowns (Classy and awesome), Blazers (Looks like you own the place, and I'm about that)
Seeing a crush in public always makes me feel some type of way. I'm just like, but why do you not know that I exist. Look at me and love me, K thanks, that would be great. Sunday was exactly that on my way to my IFC meeting I saw one of my few campus crushes, and you know I was all flustered and caught off guard when she just brushed passed me all nonchalantly, not knowing that she's a life-ruiner. (Life ruiner - n. - someone unaware of how absolutely flawless they are, and that they're just naturally cute all the time just by existing) I composed myself and made it to my last IFC meeting of the semester. All of us, Brock, Sam, Scott, Spencer and I shared our thoughts of our time together (who would have thought I would like them all so freaking much?) before I went to go shoot my TV show season finale. Honestly, I love the hell out of my castmates. Spending time with them always has me geeking out hardcore and feeling like I totally belong. I ranted about how epic Captain America: the Winter Solider was and my favorite tweets of the week. It was our seniors, Luca and Allie's last show and we definitely ended on a high note. We went straight into our TV station meeting which kept the jokes coming from Hailey and Jack with interjections from the ever-hilarious Abby. Super excited to spend more time on that part of my college experience next year. On to my fraternity chapter meeting where we used parliamentary procedure correctly for a hot second before reverting to our organized chaotic ways. Two hours later we concluded after insightful life presentations from Bucky and Zach. You know it was a late night, cause #mylife. Turn me off for the night, please and thank you.
Okay, can we address the elephant in the room for a nice minute. This whole mating dance thing is like impossible. The person you like never likes you back and the people that like you are never the ones you're in to. How do people ever get together? I've come to understand that you have to find yourself attractive before anyone else. If you don't like yourself, how can you expect anyone else to? Also, this whole hookup culture thing, personally not a fan at all. It just seems so disconnected (aka like the rest of our lives when we stare at screens constantly instead of interacting) and cold. I want to feel something more than just blind lust for person, ya know. The new age, bae or nah, thot this, twerk team, etc. thing is not an actual thing. If that's how you really holler at a person, then you're not doing it right. Get your life and then get real. Even a neophyte like myself knows that's not a good look. This is so weird but whenever I have a crush on someone my belly button sweats. All of a sudden I'll feel my tummy feeling a little damp and I'm like, oh I guess I'm catching feelings. I don't I want to make moves but fear of rejection is a strong force. How do you just go up to someone and tell them you like them? Like, "hey there, I like your face ... very much." Nobody does that. In getting girl advice from my friends, I'm like just approaching a girl and striking up flirty conversation wouldn't work for me, I'm not YOU. Tanner, Mac, and Connor all had their thoughts, well intended and sage in their own right, but I have to figure out somehow I'll be able to talk to someone I like and convey that I like them.  Besides, there are so many attributes in attraction to factor in. I'm so different from them for so many reasons but other than looking different I don't carry myself with their natural confidence and unique charm. Tanner has his humor, Mac his endless one-of-a-kind stories, and Connor a projectable humility. What do I have, other than an overzealous smile, perpetual awkwardness, and offbeat hobbies? I think also that I probably send mixed messages all the time. I'm so oblivious to signs and have no idea if someone likes me (let alone if anyone has ever). I guess someday I'll get it together but until then I'll I will remain on the sidelines (look at me using a sports metaphor) and observe, coming up with is best for me to feel comfortable and authentic in playing the game. Turn me on, turn me off, do whatever you want with me, but at the end of the day, we all have to play an active part in the courting process (however short or informal it can sometimes be).  I trust that in time, we all learn the ways of the turn on and engage in the struggle to find who or what we're looking for.

My blog post question for the day is ... what are your biggest turn ons? You know, I'm just looking for a sophisticated girl who's can challenge me in every way possible and carry an engaging conversation


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