More and More

The 20s are about determining your own happiness. We are ultimately responsible for our own contentment. We can choose to be happy. We can choose who we associate with. We have the option to let to, to live in the moment, and be comfortable. It's all up to us. Choose to be the best you. More and more, sometimes is not enough, sometimes it's too much. 

 

Friendship, that is a bond between two people (emphasis on the reciprocal nature of that nature), is one of the most powerful things in this world. An to make conversation, to care, and to support another person is an amazing one. You know that feeling when you stumble upon someone and you instantly feel drawn to them. You feel like you understand them, they get you and things just seem to work. You wonder where has this person been my whole life. Friendship is that rare moment of clarity where someone acknowledges that their struggle relates to yours. In college friendship takes it's most potent forms. As a person aware of his status with his other people, calling someone my friend means a lot. There's a huge distinction between casual acquaintance, friend, close friend and best friend. As you move up the circle gets smaller and smaller, with good reason. Friendship is letting people see you. I mean really see you. All of you, when you're wholly put together and also when you've fallen apart. They get to know your imperfections, your flaws, and your grudges. They get to see the real you - not the socially acceptable facade we put on doe the general public. This year I've realize just how important it is to understand that friendship works both ways. Friendship can save people, keep them going, and elate them. It also has the ability to destroy a person. When you invalidate a friend the impact is incomprehensible. Yes, my friendship has power and benefits my friends, but more importantly my friends help me. Me. I am a person. I am human. I need help. That has to sink in. I am not perfect. I am require. I need companionship. Friends are there just to be there. You can never know how powerful, how rejuvenating, how awe-inspiring your friendship can be. You may never audibly hear it, but know that your friendship means too much to be expressed in words. More and more I'm coming to understand my friendships. 

This week has been a crazy random week (nothing is new under the sun) and it ended with one of the best days I've had in a long time. Most people think I'm this high maintenance, prepped out, pompous overdoer, but my friends have the important task of bringing me back to Earth. For letting me unwind, allowing me to be dumb, and giving me the opportunity to just be. Me. As a person with out of this world expectations for everything and everyone it's weird that I'm so easily appeased. After running around doing it all - classes, homework, studying, meetings, talking, socializing and most of all faking it, Thursday into Friday just got me. On my way back from my busy day of classes and excessiveness, my buddy Connor just wanted to chat and all of a sudden we were just walking and talking. I was just there, being normal, having a conversation where I was completely myself. I felt refreshed and free. I saw my friends Nic and Sam and the little things, their quirks just remind me to be myself. When I am in a space to be candid and off the records I'm the most me. My conversations with the HESA (higher education and student affairs) graduate students, Monisha and Marleene and their actual interest in my life and mine in theirs just gets me. Friday, I booked rooms for events for 2.5 hours and I was fine with it. My roommate and fraternity brother, Jake, was sound asleep and I felt at home. I vented to Sam (as always) and went to class where I cracked jokes via Facebook message with my chum (Hardy Boys status) Mac. I don't know it just works out. I sat with Tanner and Jake to eat and it was so relaxed, I almost forgot what it's like to just sit and take everything in. I stopped by my advisor Raf's office and just checking in with him let's me be regular, no fronts. I went to the ALANA student barbecue (people of color and our allies for days) and just sat there smiling. To be able to mic worlds with all my people, fraternity brothers, RHA friends, friends in solidarity and everyone else in between was epic. I genuinely had an amazing time, and it was simple. Dancing, food, talking, and kid sidewalk games. Sam, my Allied Faces club friend, Isiah the RA, and my advisor Drake just made me feel so normal. The night ended with a viewing of Fight Club with the wonderful RAs of my complex. It was all so simple but I was just existing and perfectly content. More and more I'm realizing the importance of everyone's small but massive contributions to my daily experiences. 

The 20s are all about choosing your social circle wisely. Those you surround yourself with, the people you rely on for amusement are some of the most important people. Those you choose to hang out with, be around, and be attach to determine in turn who you show up as. Choose wisely, choose with your gut, and choose for you. More and more is at times just right. 

My blog post question for the day is ... how do you pick your friends? Somehow I just gravitate towards people I can connect with. People who validate me, who make me feel welcome, wanted and imperative to their lives. There's also people I know I could be friends with, but they're unaware of my existence (in the way that we could easily be friends).