Constant Contact

Truth - Connection is one of the defining characteristics of the human experience. We exist in communities, tribes, families, and relationship because they are what we need to sustain us. People matter, more than we realize. We are impacted by the things others say and do as they interact with us, but even more so in the subtext of when they have departed or what is left unsaid. It is true that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but sometimes absence helps you realize you were better off without them. Navigating relationships is a lifelong endeavor - this is constant contact.

"Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection and the path to the feeling of worthiness. If it doesn't feel vulnerable, the sharing is probably not constructive." Brene Brown

It's funny just how much my relationships have changed since graduating from college. The ways in which I approach people, the kinds of questions I ask, and the sincere intentionality behind it is all new. Without the ability to walk down the hallway, randomly catch up on the campus shuttle, or cross paths in the student center, staying in touch has entailed taking initiative. It's more than just sending a text message with the infamous "hey" singular word greeting. It's beyond sporadic snapchats that happen to be both added to your story and sent to individuals. It's about making time and making the people who matter to you a priority. It's asking specifically about what you want to know. Things can be drastically different depending on whether you're inquiring about romantic lives, family, or work. It's remembering the important characters in another person's life story and ensuring that you give due diligence in taking note. It's availing yourself as you are able to just send text after text back and forth, silly snapchat videos, and facetiming for hours on end. Distance might be one physical barrier but connection when genuinely pursued knows no bounds.

There are so many people that I wouldn't have considered myself close to and yet now I speak with them now more often than when we were in the vicinity of one another. The conversations are concentrated, deep, and impactful. It feels like we say what we need to and get to the point. The vulnerability is on a whole other level. There's this unabashed fearlessness in talking with them and I end those conversations feeling valued, cherished, and appreciated. My relationships are so much more real. Do you get what I'm trying to say? I just feel like the pretenses are gone and the conversation is always enriching. The emotion that is expressed is genuine and brave. It's been one of the most best developments of my young adult life. Reciprocated meaningful dialogue that's consistent. I don't know. It just does the soul good. There's nothing some good old fashioned constant contact. 

What I have found is a purposeful responsibility for the relationships I seek to maintain. I have stopped being afraid of the awkwardness that comes with contacting someone out of the blue. If I'm thinking about you, then it's worth it to say something. Phone calls are not terrifying, they're more personal. There's something about hearing the voice of another person that resonates with you, especially of someone who matters to you. Sometimes I just call my parents or my siblings for no reason at all. I just want to hear their voices. I write letters to my friends because the process is relaxing and so nunanced. The stroke of the pen on the paper, the words flowing out of me, and the individualized touches I can make to make all the more special. Birthdays and the gifts I am able to give mean more now than ever more. I want people to know that I can about them and that they are important to me so I let them know that. I have no idea what someone may be going through or cevrn celebrating, I want to part of people's lives just like they are part of mine. Connection not just for the sake of connection but deliberate reaching out and pulling in is what I strive for. 

There's this idea that your life only has room for a certain amount of people. I wholeheartedly disagree. I don't believe in letting some people go just to let new people in. The passion I have for people knows no bounds; it has no capacity. If I have to use all my time on others, then so be it - it would be time well spent. I think you come to different points in your life story that ask you to write out or write in new characters. You never know how major, or minor for that matter, someone's might be let alone the impact they may have on you. There are times where you have to be explicit in letting people leave and times where you have to be persistent in being present with/for them. Most of the time it seems though people are just there. They'll be okay regardless of if you talk to them constantly or not. It may not be necessary so long as they know you care about them. That's what I have to get across. I care. I care about you.  That's the point of constant contact. 

Thinking about all the people I know, it's funny how quickly my focus on certain people shifts. My family remains nuclear while others get drawn closer as some go farther out. What matters is that we're still in the same system. We are connected. We feel one another's presence. Our revolutions are intertwined. The paths we travel are interconnected. Our lives our linked. That isomer hung truly profound I hope to never forget. X