Fade to Gray

Being a teenager is all about dealing with everything, that includes yourself and others. You have to be on it or face the consequences. The slightest differentiation from your "normal" self (the one that everyone sees) means there must be something terribly wrong. If you're not being you must be pissed, depressed, or "in a bad mood." Nope, that's not it - I'm just tired. I have the right to let it all hang out every once in a while, to show a different of myself, and to not be judged for it. Sometimes you have to show all 50 shades of gray, and other times you just fade to gray.

Fading to gray is all about dealing with things as they come. Whether it be good or bad news, you either show out or retreat back into yourself. You fade, you cringe, you rescind inwards and protect yourself. You shy away from others, lose a little bit of your pep and you might be a little down in the dumps. Express how you feel and do you - fade to gray.
One of my favorite things about this whole blogging thing is the ability to fast-forward. You all don't have to know the entirety of my life, only the highlights - it's like how we remember things, only the most memorable parts. So zooming to Friday afternoon, sitting in biology lecture, I was just taking notes when we all get the news that our organic chemistry exam grades were posted. Everybody is hustling and bustling to whip their phones out and their grades. I finally checked mine and come to find out I didn't do nearly as well I thought I did. I was truthfully disappointed. Class ended I walked off by myself, definitely need a few minutes to get my life together and deal. I went to the Davis Center to meet one of my fraternity brother's cousins to just about college, and possibly joining our fraternity. It was a really good talk, 45 minutes of just no-holds back learning about a complete stranger. Somehow I always end up getting exactly what I needed. I wasn't thinking about my sad result, I was just talking in the moment. Back to my room where I decided to watch "Aduction" starring Taylor Launter and Lily Collins (BTW, Lily Collins could get it - girl's eyebrows make me go woof; Tay Laut looks like Kris Humphries half the time) and it was semi-ridiculous. The lines were sometimes super cliché but the action was pretty good - so I'll give it 2 out of 5 stars. Sigourney Weaver was in it, and as always - she was perfect. I moved on to the Vampire Diaries and knocked out 3 episodes before the night was over. So much blood, death, betrayal, lies, and high school drama - why isn't that my life? Friday night rolled around and y'all know I had more of those weird weekend social interactions - no need to go into them. I took the night for myself, and enjoyed just being alone, zoning out on TV and doing me. Done with life, fade to gray.
Waking up on the weekend can be the most satisfying thing of all time. Saturday morning I got up at 7:59am in a panic that I was going to be late for classes or office hours - apparently, I was unaware what day of the week it was. Truth be told I was so happy to get to back to bed, I felt weary, tired, and like I was living in grayscale. 11am new wake up time and it was breakfast with my roommate & suitemate Patrick and Jimmy at the Marché. Those pizza bagels I made the dire mistake of purchasing were a massive mistake and were legit foul as hell. Back to the room to watch even more episodes of the Vampire Diaries (the show is for real perfect, mind blowing, scary and keeps you guessing). Three o'clock rolled around so Patrick, Sam and I got on a bus to head downtown and escape from campus. Sam and I made our way to the mall to shop. I was on a hunt for the preppiest blazer of all time and after searching through Gap, Abercrombie, and American Eagle I had no such luck. We took a break and got donuts, muffins and iced at Dunkin' Donuts which was the highlight of my day and just sat there, with the rain sprinkling outside, taking it all in. That was exactly what I needed, a break from the college life. We went to the Outdoor Gear Exchange (aka nature people central), and Urban Outfitters which was like branded hipster city all day everyday. I wanted the greeter dude's classic black cardigan but it was nowhere to be found #bitter. Last stop was Banana Republic where I fell in "want" with like everything and even saw the dean of the honors college #awkward. Sam and I went to City Hall to support Patrick in his "Fair Trade event" from his internship downtown at the Peace and Justice Center (cool stuff, definitely worth looking into). We caught the bus back up to campus and I spent the rest of my night (as in 8 more hours, watching the rest of TVD season 3, and doing some actual homework). I think, well I hope I'm back to my old self. Crisis averted, color returning, no more fading to gray.,

Being a teenager is all about taking responsibility for yourself. We all fall apart sometimes, we can't deal with what's going on, and you just need some time to yourself. It's all those things that make us not only human, but specifically teenagers. We don't have to have all the answers. We don't have to know that everything will be okay. We just need to know that we'll be okay, that we'll get past this, and that this isn't the end all, be all. Sometimes you have to just left people fade to gray.

My blog post question for the day is ... when do you reach your mid-semester slump? Y'all know I just hit mine. Done with life, done with this place, and more than over everything. It's a dangerous time of the year socially because I'm more likely to tell it how it is and ruin things - but you gotta do what you gotta do.


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