Wash Out

The 20s are all about doing self work. Nobody's perfect, but we all try to be or at least, do the best we can (most of the time). We're going to mess up. We're going to make mistakes. We're going to fail, fall, and feel - whether we're ready or not. When it all hits you and it's a

Feeling washed up and out is like becoming your favorite pair of dark wash jeans through the catalyst setting on your super complicated washing machine in very hot water. Not only do you lose your color, but you become way too tight and generally just a colossal mess. In Ohio we call short jeans high waters, according to my friend Jaime, in Massachusetts they're called floods - either way, things just don't fit properly. It's just this overwhelming feeling constantly. I haven't even started yet and I already am done with this college life. Like who actually chooses to be in this weird wannabe quasi dystopian utopian land of twenty-something alternate reality? I don't know, I haven't even changed into the correct mindset to even comprehend the concept of school. Like wait, I'm here to get an education, #thingsIwasnotawareof. Ooph, my bad. At this point, I'mma walk into class on Monday, and be like whatevs, I originally had no intention of being here. I feel overworked, but it's because I'm settling back into education mode where I'm constantly obligated to bring my A-game (yo, can PLL actually answer some damn questions for once though?) at all times. I'm going to need some time to get my life together and prepare to just deal with people. Let the nonsense ensue, the ridiculousness be released and the outrageousness break loose. I'm as ready as I'll ever be for my junior year of college. Washed out is exactly what I am.

If you've been wondering what I've been up to, here's your rundown of my current state of perpetual awkwardness. I have recently discovered, now more than ever am I awkward as hell, but other people don't seem to notice it, and my critiques of myself are neither necessary nor representative of how people view me. Contrary to popular belief, I'm actually terrified of people and do not, I repeat do not, like meeting new people. I'm still in shocked when I discover people not only like me, but truly enjoy my company. I'm like really though, me, of all people - you actually like? I'm just some washed out self-centered, self-conscious, nervous wreck with an impeccably preppy taste and highly conservative demeanor, what could you possibly ever see that's so intriguing about me? I truly wonder. So as you read/watched last, I'm in my traditional style living. I'm getting more and more used to it. I've brought out my robe to go the bathroom for showers, but at this point, I'm starting to care less and less. I've come to terms with my level of hotness, and unbeknownst to me I'm actually way better looking (that is by American societal standards) than I had previously thought. I don't have many reasons to be self-conscious and I need to embrace my looks and do with them what I may. I'm chillin' or whateva, and people can deal with it. Your opinions of me are irrelevant. Just today, I was ironing some clothes in nothing more than my boxer-briefs with the blinds fully open until this real cute girl (she had it going on) saw me and I ducked and nearly burned myself with the active iron #mylife. I've been in training and we've been pushing ourselves to get stuff done and we've been super successful so far. I truly enjoy my executive board for RHA and value their contributions, I feel fulfilled and content. I've also reconnected with my random cast of characters from across my collegiate life. Baby-Sam, Sam and I hit downtown for the coveted maple "creemee" aka some soft ass ice cream which I actually liked. There I saw my homegirl Molly from my TV show and her bestie, Hilary. So good to see a familiar face, I miss my cast so much! We hit the boardwalk by lake Champlain to catch up and I was honestly happy to see that kid, missed his quirky self. Then there's my fraternity brother Zach who I spend an obscene amount of time talking to. Saw him like 3 times in the past week, once to order new letters (they look swaggy #JoeyGatto come at me), get ice cream and popiscles, and thirdly for wings and to watch Sabrina the Teenage Witch (finally someone who gets me). I also reconnected with my buddy, Dzenan and almost chocked while eating at Chipotle as some officers stood by directly adjacent to me, doing absolutely nothing (why is this my life). Caught up for a bit with my fraternal little bro, Tan-Tan for some cell phone store shenanigans before I had to return to campus. It's been a random 2 weeks. Last but not least, my RA friends - Nicky-Nic, Tyler, Deniz, Taylor, and all the rest. Definitely some of the coolest people I know and those I'm happy to be back in the vicinity of. I'm for sure going to need their friendship to get through this mess of a year. Wash me out and lay me out to dry, here we go.

The 20s are all about finding yourself wherever you are placed. Wherever you are, and whatever you're asked to do, you have to let who you are shine through. You're not obligated or expected to change for anyone. When you lose yourself there's nothing left to find. Being who you are is the most important thing you can do, especially in college. We want all of you, in vibrant vivacious full bodied form, none of this wash out nonsense.

My blog post question for the day is ... what's your favorite thing about yourself? I get a lot of compliments on my teeth, they're kind of massive, but thanks to my orthodontist perfectly aligned)