Sleepless Nights

The 20s are all about hitting the hay. Quite possibly the most underrated thing we need to do as people is sleep. It's a glorious thing that we take for granted way too often. College sometimes can be the complete antithesis of getting a good night's sleep for so many reasons. When we don't get enough sleep it has the power to affect everything else we do for days to come. I'm telling the struggle is too damn real. Sometimes all you want is to knock up and let some z's fly. It's all these sleepless nights. 

The toughest thing about being me is getting to be "normal" and by that I mean your average college student. Sometimes I just want to sit and talk to people about insignificant things like current topics we know nothing about, pop culture happenings, and what we want to be when we enter the real world. I want to have a snowball fight, drink straight from a soda dispenser nozzle, ride the bus around aimlessly, shoot prank vines in the student center, have a junk food/Netflix sleepover and all the other random things young people do because they can. I think the thing that people forget about me is that I'm a person complete with limits, wants, needs, and feelings. Withing whatever context people know me in, they only know me in that context and most of the time it's the high functioning, super-student leader, immaculate groomed, seemingly perfect overachiever version of me. That's me devoid of problems, feelings, and truly any actual depth in to who I am. I feel like people need me for what I can do for them or how I can help them, but not me as a person for my personality or companionship. It gets rough but what people forget is while I'm making moves in one setting, I'm also doing the exact same thing (aka doing the freaking utmost) in other circles. Case in point, emails/text messages with people asking questions, the barrage from RHA is more than enough in and of itself, but combine that with all the ones I get for IFC and then throw in my PMD fraternity ones in there with my four other clubs, and it's a constant inundation of communication. My life seems to be an endless storm of work, upholding classic friend duties, and trying to keep it all together. I don't know, but I don't really get to sleep. I wish that people wouldn't expect so much of me or that I could find it within myself to actually say "no" or that people would take me seriously when I say I can't do things. We never can fully understand the weight that people carry but we must do our best to try. Here we go with even more sleepless nights.

There are so many reasons why we miss out on sleep. Here are some of the top reasons that college students loose sleep USA Today Educate and my breakdown of how this actually happens. Overnapping (you pass out drooling in the afternoon and are too awake to sleep at night), endless campus activities (oh hey, #FOMO *fear of missing out - it's okay to not do everything and be there for everyone, self care is like a thing .. I think), cuddle struggles (twin size beds are made for you to ride solo, your spoon can find it's own damn bowl), heavy nightlife (#teamstraightedge - sex, drugs, alcohol and all the chaos in-between, give it a rest and actually rest every once in a while; like find your chill) , social media (cause updating the world about everything we do and see is necessary - uhm not really, turn it all off), slexting (sleep-texting, if you're getting intimate with your smartphone you might have a problem (he said hypocritically), silence all or shut it off when you sleep), diet/exercise (eat right and hit the gym like you're supposed to) , depression/anxiety/homesicksness (ask for help when you need to, campus resources and friends are all around you) , tests/assignments (school is school, reward yourself for doing your work and cut down on procrastination - last minute does not necessarily mean your best work), rowdy roommates (check your roomate if you need to, annoying habits, inconsiderate actions and all the melodrama in between, address it or involve your RA #endofstory). Last but not least, emotions/forgiveness (if you haven't addressed something within 72 hours, LET IT GO, move on and forgive what's transpassed; clear your conscience if you're feeling shame and apologize emphatically). 

My life if you haven't already guessed is quite possibly the craziest it's ever been. I can't even tell you how much I can't even deal. The struggle is so freaking real it's unreal. Like that doesn't make sense and that's because my current existence does not make sense. Since I haven't blogged in a hot minute here's your catch-up with the vague details of my college life. Saturday meant knocking out some homework before heading off to fashion show practice (but that runway walk tho). I spent the rest of the afternoon pretending to do homework, watching TV and hanging out alone (truly the most amazing thing ever). Night fell and that meant problem solving (such is my life) my RHA's karaoke night event. I had a pretty good time singing especially with my fraternity brothers, David and Will. I went to hang out with Will and extract (wrong word but #teamdon'tcare) the beginnings of his life story before heading to bed. Sunday was one of those marathon days where I prove why I'm the prince of multitask-nation. More modelling practice, straight to IFC exec and general body meetings, eating alone (like is that even a thing) and doing homework simultaneously, shooting my TV show, a TV station meeting, and then a fraternity exec meeting followed by our formal chapter meeting. Just a solid 10 hours straight of extracurriculars because apparently my weekend doesn't actually exist. Tensions ran a little high as people got antsy in my chapter meeting but cake and pictures made brought out the best in the brothers afterwards. My buddy Taylor dropped some major knowledge and took the plunge of as an ally in recognizing the perpetual white-washing of me as a person because of the way I present socially. It was one of the most powerful conversations I've had in a long time and I could tell he was seeing me for me. I'll never forget it. I hit the grocery store at 12AM with my friend Zach, and shopped in a half sleep-deprivation induced burst of energy. I had more homework to do so it was just a classic 4AM bedtime for me. Monday happened with more class and meetings and Tuesday went down with some mad shade being thrown socially (if you ever remember that I actually exist, hit me up - k thanks) but I powered through a litany of classes, meetings, and program prep. With the help of my RHA execs, we were able to put on a successful social justice basics program. I finished off my night with random dancing with Tanner, half-watching Frozen over Jake's shoulder and making a poster for FSL (fraternity/sorority life) 90s Game Night (because writer, programmer, designer give me a high level of capability apparently). Another day another struggle, but I'm trudging along through the sleepless nights. 

My blog post question for the day is ... what position do you sleep in? I do the full body homicide chalk outline climbing plank (if you can imagine that at all). It's my signature sleep pose.