The 20s are all about evaluating your social circle. We welcome so many people into our lives and trust people without asking some of the necessary questions. One of the hardest things to understand about life is that not everyone will like you. You cannot and should not be friends with everyone. It's okay to have acquaintances and keep some people at a distance. The smaller your inner circle the better. Not everyone deserves the privilege of knowing the details of your life. Your stories and who you are matter, and when people don't value you then they are not worth your time. If your "friend" makes you feel less than human then they might not be a real friend. No one gets to make you wear an invisibility cloak.
There comes a time in your life when you have to choose yourself over everyone else. You have to put your mind, body and spirit before other people for once. You have to be okay and secure in yourself before you can expect to have any semblance of healthy relationships with other people. It's time to be selfish. It's time to be bold and come our from under the invisibility cloak. Your needs are just as important as anyone else's. What do you need to make this happen? Remove the negativity from your life. Delete the unnecessary drama from your life. Write off the obtrusive "friends" from the TV show that is your life. You are the star of your own show, you get top billing and should be treated with the most respect. Why then do we find ourselves settling for less? We think we don't deserve more but that's a complete fallacy. Why do we let bad friends into our lives? We think that we can change people but sometimes people are lost causes (in relation to us). Why do we allow other people to have control over our self-worth? That phrase right there "self-worth" implies the power of us as individuals. We get to choose our own happiness and we need to choose it more often. That may mean getting rid of the black clouds that rain on our parade. That may mean blocking out those who have forsaken us. That may mean doing away with unnecessary endeavors. You are your own biggest advocate, use for your voice and stand up for yourself. We don't always need others to validate us, we can be capable of doing so ourselves (in fact it's good practice). Throw of the invisibility cloak, you matter.
People say that dropping friends makes you a bad person but I disagree for multiple reasons. You need, deserve and must be happy. We are meant to be so. Take the time to look at your life and figure out the source of any dampening and then make a plan to remove it (to the best of your ability). If it's your friend, let them go. Some people just aren't meant to be in your life. Some people don't fit together. Some people don't realize the magnitude of who you are and what you have to offer the world and it's their loss. I found this quote today that just spoke to me - "Sometimes you have to give up on people. Not because you don't care but because they don't." If you are then only one "giving" in a friendship, then there's something wrong. If a friend only contacts you when they need something and does not take an interest in the details of you, then you've got a problem. If you feel drained or anxious in interacting with a so called "friend" then the friendship may be taking too much of a toll on you. Friendships, like all worthwhile relationships, take work from both people. If you get nothing out of it, then if may not be worth it. If a person values you then they'll fight to keep you around, but if they let you fall by the wayside, you know it's over. Falling just shows you where loyalties and priorities lie, you make time for the people and things that matter to you. No person should make you feel like you're wearing an invisibility cloak.
Forgiveness is something we hate to give out but we forget how cathartic it can be to do so. We spend so much time waiting for people to not only realize they've hurt us, but to accept the guilt of their transgression and ask for forgiveness. People avoid conflict because they are ashamed and don't want to take responsibility for their actions. Let them wallow on their shame, but you must move on from the pain. You have to be courageous and forgive people not for them to get closure but for you to free yourself from the burden of grudges. It's so very difficult but it is like a weight is lifted from you if you can find it within the very depths of your soul to do so. You don't have to forgive people,you forgive yourself for mistake you made in trusting them and you forgive their foolishness. You never forget it and you MOVE ON. If something bothers you, address it within 48 hours or drop it. We are afraid to lose people but sometimes the reality is things and people change and never are the same. We cannot live in the past. People come and go, some stay for the long haul. If you are ever sorry, say it and mean it. Cultivate those relationships and stomp out of the thorny weeds that threaten to overrun your life. This goes for all the obligations we have - so many of them are not that important. You shouldn't have to sacrifice happiness all of the time. Be happy. Be real. Be visible. Screw the invisibility cloak.
The context of who I am is so weird in that people seem to not notice me even when I stand out. I'm in the forefront but our of focus it seems. People forget me, don't remember to invite me or assume I won't be interested but damn at least let me entertain the idea and then say no, lol. In a seriousness, this semester has been noticeably different because I decided to let myself be happy and to matter to myself first and to those who were willing to care about me. It's become painfully clear what some people's intentions are in their withdrawal interactions with me (highway robbery transactions with no deposits). I get it, I'm powerful; I'm important. Whatever, I'm still a person who wants a friend (trust me I've got some in Connor, Jake, Tanner, Zach, Taylor, Sam, Dae-Dae, Mâché, Courtney, Abby and several more). I refuse to waste my time going out my way for those who would not acknowledge my existence. I'm just saying you do things for people so talk to them. Be with them, stay engaged and tell them why you enjoy their company. I hope to never wear an invisibility cloak ever again. "Caring was the only thing I ever did when we see friends. The minute you turned your back is the minute I realized I deserved better." Unknown
My blog post question for the day is ... when do you know when a friendship is over? I think when the things you do for a person aren't reciprocated and the work gets to be more than the benefits of the friendship, it's time to cut your ties.