Undefined

Being a teenager is all about defining yourself. People try and tell you should do, what you can and cannot do, and run your life. In college, it's your time to make your own decisions and deal with the aftermath and consequences. People will assert what they think is right, while you're obligated to take into consideration their opinion, ultimately your life is only up to you to live. No one else has the right to tell you who you are - never, ever forget that. Keep it blank, unwritten, undefined.

Can I please just start this post with a deep quote that explains my life currently, "I live in America. I have the right to write whatever I want. And it's equaled by another right just as powerful: the right not to read it. Freedom of speech includes the freedom to offend people." Brad Thor. Now a super special video post (aka vlog with guest appearances from my roommate and suitemates!)

The days that you don't expect anything to happen are always the days that have the most impact. Somehow a relationship is redefined, your social standing with someone else is reimagined, or your impression of someone else is rethought out. Monday for me, was that kind of day. I was legit struggling to get out of bed when 8am came around and reared it's ugly head (like who invented mornings, and why does the sun even exist #questionsnooneasks). I just layed in my bed, motionless, snuggling hard with my teddy bear - doing the most to not leave the comfort of my bed for the longest time. Finally I was forced to get dressed and head downstairs to my honors college class. It moves on by soon enough and after a quick b-fast stop it was off to chem lecture. At this point in the year, everyone's like over the novelty of new classes, but chem ceases to amaze me like every time. The class ended with exams being passed out which took a long while, and I got my packet back and dipped like a pretzel in a vat of fondued chocolate. On to my bible class where things got super awkward really fast. People spent the entire class texting and browsing their phones, and in plain sight. Like really, you couldn't even pretend to pay attention or at least hide your phone - you're so obvious with it. I truly love that class, it's awesome and so engaging - the fact that other people were consecrating it made me want to define them a stern talking to. Yet again my two hour break ended up becoming time to send a shat ton of emails (I'm like an angry bird just sending bombs to break stuff) instead of actually taking a much needed nap. Last class of the day was biology lecture where I was in the thick of it all with my suitemate Jimmy, his friend Jackie, my co-worker/friend Anna, and buddy, Kyle all surrounding me. I was just gone, sleep-deprived and a whole lotta ratchet. The days just never end for me which mean more meetings, discussion and making my way around campus via bus (look at me, do you think I'd actually walk - you woulda thought. My day ended with an awkward semi-confrontation about this very blog - apparently, me writing about my life was offensive (sorry not sorry, these are my teenage years; this America - where I have the freedom to write whatever I please and people can do whether or not to read it.  Me being compliant with the request is a miracle in and of itself). Notice I haven't been mentioning the IRA part of my life - if you think there are major gaps missing, it's because there are - plain and simple. No more stories from the oval office. All I know is no one can define how I express myself, this is my outlook, what keeps me sane, and allows me to analyze myself. I'm undefined.
 

Sometimes I wonder what things might actually define me that I don't count as defining points in my life. My schedule is strictly defined and explicitly written out - anyone can use my daily agenda to find out exactly where I am on or off campus (because I pride myself on being super transparent *hence this blog). Tuesday was one of those nonstop days where I just didn't get a break to be normal, be human, and just be a college student. Everyone else gets to walk around without a care in the world (or at least pretend they're free-spirited) and I'm perpetually on the verge of a breakdown with the undefined rate I'm going. Tuesday meant office hours where I dominated and got a whole lot of stuff done.  Then it was on to tennis class where I finally figued out how to properly hit the ball and swing all the way through. It makes a huge difference - I'm not a pro or anything but I've got some thunder up in there. Ball machine workouts galore and it's super-speed time like Flash Gordon for a quick shower and change. My biology lab report tas trying to end me this week. The file was alleged 'corrupted" and which meant writing the whole sha-boing-boing again. You know I was bitter, but I finished,and was proud of my last-minute work (like a desperate teenage "dorm" man). It was on to lab where we were taking areas of trees and dissecting them for better analysis. We trekked through the roods with a gentle pitter-pattering above us of soft misty rain. It was scenic and what not but I'm not about that "natural" lifestyle. The lab groups were super random, but we got it done soon enough. I'm just saying I missed my "uber social" group of lab workers. From there I was like I rocket grabbing pizza for lunch, and heading back to my room as the rain started to actually come down. I stopped to to Josh from Jiley (unofficial friendship name) and then headed to L/L to put on an event. *This right here is awkward, you'll figure out what I actually mean by this. Down to the Marché to invite people to come up and participate in the "fair" style (there's your hint) discussion with campus partners. I'm telling you my social interactions with random strangers must be defined by me smiling a whole lot and making awkwardness hilarious. The event finished up, and it was on to more meetings with included free snow cones. More emails, (unbeknownst to me) it was my livelihood. Day done - and I'm still wondering how I'm defined.

Being a teenager is all about defining yourself. No one else can do it for you. It's one of those things that's solely up to you. You can look to others for some kind of direction, guidance, or even to copy - but when it all falls down, you're the only one who can speak to who or what you are. We're all books that needs to written - reasons why freedom of are so important - uhm heller. We're undefined.

My blog post question for the day is ... what defines you this semester? This semester for me has been defined by my speech - it's all about words for me this fall. What I say, apparently has some major weight in the world.