Women's Intuition

The 20s are all about speaking your mind. We can all think and we pretty much have ideas on just about everything, but it highly beneficial to know when you speak and when to listen. You pick your battles, and maybe for some that means fighting only the ones you can win, and for others that means speaking out and fighting until the end. We're all entitled to our opinions, but you're opinion is just that - your opinion. The harsh reality is, some people's opinions have more power, more clout, and more potency to make things happen. This is how society is shaped. Ready to take down society? All it takes is a little women's intuition.

Recently my facebook newsfeed and twitter timeline have been inundated with links to other bloggers, inspirational videos, and heinous crimes on a wide array of topics. I realized there's one I haven't really mentioned much - feminism. Don't go running scared, hear me out. Feminism (just like all the rights ideals) is about providing equity (not equality) for an entire gender that has been systematically, and ideologically oppressed in almost every way possible. Why are people afraid of feminism? What comes to mind? Masculine women with hairy legs and no bra? Sorry to disappoint, but not every stereotype is correct. I am a feminist because I am a man. I have a sister, I have a mother, I have female friends, I want to marry a woman and I want them all to be free from all the nonsense that we've been socialized to believe. Let's take a moment to recognize that me, as a male, am in a privileged position - society works in my favor. I get the benefit of the doubt to a certain extent (being a person of color is a whole other story). I can walk in a room and be respected without having to prove myself, I can talk over people without having it reflect on my gender, I can get the actual price on things without sellers trying to pull one over one me, I can expect the person in charge to most likely share my gender - the list goes on and  on. Privilege does not mean my life is easier, it means I don't have to deal with the daily microaggressions, stereotyping/double-standards, and institutional oppression that women have to deal with just because of their identity as women. Privilege only exists because not everyone is given those same privileges or in this case, advantages. If women (like all other disadvantaged identities) were treated with respect instead of being devalued, othered, and trivialized then this wouldn't even be a topic of discussion. Being a feminist does not mean you're anti-man, you're anti-oppression and that's what we all should be. Yes, men have to give up some of their social power but that's part of creating a balance in an unfair system and society. Women's intuition says the rest of this post might be controversial for you. Opinion is just that, opinion - but I'll leave you with this quote to mull over be I continue expressing my opinions, "Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Let me dismantle all the ridiculous bit by bit. First and foremost, a woman should decide her purpose. Her purpose is not to serve a man - that much I can tell you for sure. The craziest thing about all this is, men have been the one's deciding what women should be, how they should act, what they should look like. Flirting - let's start from here. Women get hit on the all the time (I'll be making generalizations but stick with me). They are ogled, objectified and made to be prizes, trophies, missions, conquests. The whole rating thing (I'm aware women do it too) is barbaric and totally arbitrary. What you're really measuring is a person's conformity to the social standard of what an attractive person looks like - for women that's pretty much Victoria Secret models (the white ones nonetheless, the women of color are seen as exotic - you play around with them, if you're feeling wild). That's bogus because few people look like that, and the only reason most people think that's "hot" is because we are constantly bombarded with imagery of that standard. TV, movies, magazines, mannequins and it never stops. Check your "preferences" because there is no such thing as a universal "hot" woman. Everyone is socialized differently - but take a moment to recognize who the majority of the government and media are controlled by, heterosexual white men. All these women who are barely represented in the media, what messages do you think that sends to them and society - that they are not beautiful, pretty, or attractive. How dare anyone call someone ugly, just because you don't find someone appealing does not make them ugly, rather unappealing to you and you alone. I call oil spills ruining a landscape ugly and I call a bloody crime scene ugly. I call an out of place building ugly - never a person. That's frankly disgusting, do you know what that does to a person? Why do we take that power to put someone down in such a dehumanizing way?
 
Now not everyone wants to be hit on, and not every woman is looking to go home with you. A woman does not have to justify herself to you or anyone else for that matter when you make advances at her. This whole "playing hard to get" bit - sometimes maybe she doesn't want you at all. Can you imagine constantly being berated with guys trying to get with you (mind you - this excludes all women of color, woman with larger body types and those with disabilities/deformities who are rendered "undesirable" if we're staying mainstream). It would get exhausting and frankly rather annoying. Yes, some women might welcome your advances, but not all.  It's not sexy for women to be intelligent, it's not attractive for them to want to talk, and unappealing if they aren't wearing tight clothes or showing skin - I don't think so. A woman is not some car that you check out and take for test drive. She's a human being with emotions (like men have but often choose to ignore), experiences, and standards. God forbid a woman want to carry a conversation with you before she starts swapping spit. A woman looking at you or being nice to you doesn't mean anything, it's common courtesy, or she could just want to be friends. Friendzone nonsense and leading on are some real craziness, if someone doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, that's it. Women are supposed to sleep with you and make you sandwiches. A woman's purpose on this Earth is to give men their bodies for sex and feed them - I highly doubt it. A woman should decide what she wants to do and who she wants to do it for not be told by someone else. Women are just as intelligent and capable as their male counterparts. Women's intuition says here we go.

Sex and female sexuality are ridden with double standards. Women are supposed to be pure and retain their virginity but are called prudes and bitches if they aren't sexually active and aren't giving men what they want - their sex. When women are sexually active especially with multiple partners they are called sluts, skanks, whores etc. Men on the other hand, are encouraged to have sex as soon as possible, and as much as possible. They are congratulated for large numbers of sexual encounters. Women are not here to sleep with men. If a woman chooses to have sexual relations with whomever she likes (heteronormativity goes right along with this) then that is her choice. We do not get to determine her worth, her private business is none of ours, and she has to answer to no one but herself. Society and men do not own women's bodies. Why do we promote men's contraception overwhelmingly more than we do women's when they are equally as important in preventing unwanted pregnancies. Oh women shouldn't be having sex unless they are trying to get pregnant, please stop. Women are only supposed to please their partner, in what world. Women don't have as much sex drive as men, says who. Women can have as much or as little sex as they want, and no one should get to give their input unless that woman asks for it. 

Rape and rape culture (that is victim blaming, sexual objectification, trivializing rape etc. by society) are some of most controversial topics in America, but they shouldn't be. It's plain and simple. Rape is having sexual relations (relations is the wrong word here) with someone against their will and/or without their consent. Rape is never the victim's fault (whether he/she is male or female). Rape actually has very little to do with the victim. The assaulter is to blame and at fault. Stop telling women that they should dress conservatively, not drink excessively, travel in groups, hold their keys between their fingers, carry pepper spray, take self-defense classes and all the other bull crap excuses we give rapists for their utterly heinous and truly atrocious behavior. Women (and men for that matter, because men can be victims too) can do whatever the hell they want. We wouldn't need all those precautions if we actually talked about the real problem, men (who are the majority of rapists) are having sexual encounters with people who do not want them. 66% of women knew their rapists; 1/4 women are raped in their college years. Those numbers are astonishing and should be sobering. Consent is not an "if you feel like it" thing, it's always necessary. No means no. At any point in time a person can want to end their sexual encounter, you just stop it's that easy. You should get to choose whether or not you want to have sex, who with, when, how and why.  Sex is personal. Think of it this way, if a thief breaks my car window hotwires my car and steals it, who's fault is it? The thief's - cut and dry. If I leave my car unlocked, keys in the ignition, sitting in a bad neighborhood and a thief takes my car, who's fault is it? If you said mine, you would be mistaken - still the thief's fault. If that thief didn't violate my space and take my car, I would still have my car. That's the whole point. If people weren't raping other people, then rape would not be happening - it's kind of that simple. Always ask and always listen, rape can even happen in relationships and marriages. Women's intuition, says this post is going to be a long one.

Abortion - everyone's least favorite buzzword. Here's the deal, I am pro-choice for the simple rationale that while I personally believe that no fetus should be aborted my opinion does not matter. It's not my choice, not my body being affected, and not my place to judge. I believe, you live with your choices and that's that. The entire problem is that people are excluding people from society. People are deciding what is and who is socially acceptable. People are deciding who gets to speak (what about and how they do it). People are deciding who is worthy of being desired. People are deciding who matters. That's it because in this twisted world, to say that some people matter less than others is truly inhumane.
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This topic is only halfway over - there's so much more to say, check back for another post tackling feminism where I'll write on careers, motherhood, intelligence, clothing and so much more. Women's intuition is about to welcome a femme fatale.

*As man I acknowledge how I benefit from sexism. As an ally I'm using my privileged position to speak because when I do it's not seen as self-seeking or complaining.

My blog post question for the day is ... why should you be a feminist? I have my reasons, what are yours?

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