Cold Shoulder

The 20s are all about reading the situation. People give away more about themselves ed and how they feel then they care to admit. For all the things we do and say we have a reason, albeit our motives can be complicated conundrum but they're there nonetheless. The way we communicate is unique to each and every one of us. The type of people we are, how we understand the world, ourselves and other people are conveyed through the way we present. With every situation that arises we evaluate and take action, if this great, salvageable or not worth fighting for. Sometimes you've just got to give them the ole cold shoulder. 

Everyone has a different way of dealing with other people. Some people are super direct and quite blunt with what they have to say, while others like to hang back and speak when they absolutely have to or not at all. Then there's those of us who are fluent in the language known as passive-aggressive. Let me tell you, it gets a bad rap but it definitely has its merits. As someone who obsesses over every interaction (constantly embarrassed, awkward, flustered or nervous) and what people think of them (don't we all), passive-aggressive is the go to way to let people indirectly know what's on your mind. It's the little digs, the tone of voice, or a nonchalant mention to something that you direly hope that people will pick up on so you don't have to come right out and say it. Passive-aggressive people are misunderstood. We may or may not have a lot to say, but truly we are terrified of saying it. So we subvert, subtweet, and lay all the foundations of some prime subtext that we desperately hope people will pick up on. I'm not going to @ you on twitter, but if you read one of my tweets and think it's about you, then it's probably about you. We're terrified of speaking the truth and it's frustrating for all parties involved but from our perspective it's easy to feel ignored or unheard. The veracity of what we're saying is in there, you just have to sift through all the excess to get there. It takes some work and some people for sure cannot catch on our vernacular and way with words to read between the lines. I know me personally cannot stand to actual tell people how I feel about what has gone down much less my opinion of them (cause apparently people think we're allowed to do that). I drip sweat. I quiver. I hear my heart beating in my ears and feel it pounding on my chest. I don't want to hurt someone's feelings even if they've hurt mine. We bear the burden of staying relatively quiet about what we have going on or feeling. When we do tell it how it is, it can come out course, short and unpredictably all over the place. Forgive us for our inability to cut to the chase. If you know us enough we're more apt to be more upfront with you. If we're on the outs, you just might get the cold shoulder. Either it will all pass or we'll let you know when we're ready to hash it out. Give it time, cold shoulder need time to melt off.

Lately, my life has been major #teamdrama-ed up. It's like the recurring story of this junior year and I came to the realization that honestly most of the things that I usually would get all stirred up about were not a big deal. But I've come to understand my position in life and more specifically on my campus and in the interactions I have with people. I'm a fixer. I fix things. I fix people. I come in, change things, and get things done that people need me to do. I'm highly efficient and will do almost anything to have things the way I envision them. My skills are definitely not one-of-a-kind but finding them all in one person truly feels like I'm a rarity. I'm supposed to be good at everything, to never fail, and to give myself until I can't anymore. With that being said, it's easy to be sent reeling when you notice people's behaviors towards you. Self-awareness is both my saving grace and my Achilles heel. People seem to need me to do things for them, to aid them in some way, to be a resource but not me as a person. It's been tough to distinguish people who like me for who I am, not what I can do. When those lines become indistinguishable the cold shoulder has it's way of coming out. Check our relationship, do we only converse when you need something - it's perfectly fine but then must keep it that way. If we spend quality time and share the details of our lives, that's completely different. You can get both but reverting from friendship to business-acquaintancehood is not a good look (this paragraph is dripping with subtext). If you thought we were more than prove it. Talk to me for me. Ask about me. Check in on me. Be a friend. Treat me like an actual person not an appliance. I may be crazy busy but I make time for the things and people that matter to me. People should do the same. The cold shoulder is a good indicator, naturally a not-so poised one, but it gets it's point across. Keep it real or keep your distance. I am no-one's back-up friend (that shouldn't even be a thing) and I will not wait around, life goes on. We must show gratitude to those that care for us and make a point to let them know that we value and appreciate not only who they are but what they do. That's we "fixers" but all people really, need. Let us know that we matter. 

The week has been flying by with the undertones of some major revelations. Monday was MLK Day which had some social media activism, homework avoidance and a wonderful night of being "normal." For a couple hours, the fixer hat (Olivia Pope where you at) comes off and I went to a powerful talk on positivity and the little things (full post to follow) and played video games with my fraternity brothers. Honestly, that time of being with all of them especially Taylor and Connor - who you can tell see people when you need them to was thoroughly refreshing. Tuesday was a 12 hour day of class, IFC meetings and office hours, even more classes, Board of Trustees selection committee power-hour, and my RHA's speed-friending event. When you're giving the cold shoulder, it has a tendency to affect all that you do case in point the event had me fifty shades of iced out when there's unspoken words to be had with people. Wednesday rolled around and it was an early-ass physics lab, a couple meetings (#mylife), class and a powerfully invigorating lunch with my friend, Kelly. The impact of what she said to me about letting people in, getting real and going forward, I will cherish for the rest of my days. Off to a reception for visiting exchange students, before an impromptu one on one that turned personal a little too fast. The day ended with the RHA general body meeting which never seems to quite go as planned but works out anyway and homework and decompressing time with my roommate, Jake and his best friend, Tanner. The reckoning that was to be had didn't happen but we all know it's coming. Cold shoulders for days. 

My blog post question for the day is ... how do you deal with conflict? You know me, avoid until you can't anymore and then tackle it head on with precision. Things have a funny way of working themselves out.