Unrequited

"Too many of us are hung up on what we don't have, can't have, or won't ever have. We spend too much energy being down, when we could use that same energy — if not less of it — doing, or at least trying to do, some of the things we really want to do." Terry McMillan



We cannot convince someone to like us; more importantly we should not have to do so. People should want us, as we are, because of who we are. We should have not sell ourselves, demand recognition, or pine for attention. Let go of people who never reached out to you, those who never attempted to catch you, and those who stood idle as you took a risk. People should be able to see our inherent worth, and to value it as priceless. Anyone who needs convincing is unworthy of your essence, time, energy, or effort. We have to stop wasting our time on those who have no intention of choosing us. Why do we seek the acknowledgement, permission, acceptance, etc. of others knowing that it will never be ours? Why do we chase after things and people who prefer the chase to actually being caught? Why do we put ourselves into situations to be deprived of what we need? Why do we stay for so long, but why do we go to begin with? Unrequited ... everything - is disheartening. Woe is us to put ourselves out there, on display, and in vulnerable ways who are met with rebuke. Not everywhere and everyone will welcome us, and that is part of the uncertainty of life. That does not mean we should not continue taking leaps of faith (in fact we must) - sometimes we fall but falling doesn't last forever.

Everyone wants to be chosen. Everyone wants someone else to pick them. Everyone wants to be yearned for, desired, admired, sought after, etc. There's something about that external validation of being wanted that speaks to our most human nature. Connection, above all else, connection is what we're looking for. When we look for it, when we're desperate for it, and when we're willing to accept it from anyone who offers is where we get into trouble. It's okay to want to be wanted but we have to be selective in who we allow into our lives. Not everyone is for us. Not everyone will validate, respect, honor, and celebrate you the ways that you deserve. Not everyone is willing to earn us. Not everyone will treat us as worthwhile. Regardless, we are always worthwhile. We are worth the effort. We are the worth the time, conversation, investment. We are worthy. We have to be cognizant of how others are reciprocating what we're giving out. If it is lacking or lackluster that cause for alarm. If we address it, name it, and give space to hash it out, and yet still the apathy still persists that our sign to reevaluate and repurpose our efforts, preferably elsewhere or with someone else. We deserve better so let us only accept better. Let us find better, and be better unto others because we're not exempt from giving the same paltry energy that we loathe to others. We play different roles in the various peoples lives, may we strive to be energetic for all who matter to us, and even to those who don't.

What I have learned and what continues to manifest itself as true is that new opportunities in work, love, or life only appear when I'm free to embrace them. That means letting go of the thing/person not right for me, feeling that ambiguous moment of freefall, and making the transition over to clinging onto a new chance. When we're holding on for dear life onto something or someone that isn't quite right for us, we're literal moments away from something better. We have to let go. We have to freefall. We have to trust that we'll be caught or that we'll land where we're supposed to be. Fear of the future is not a reason is to stay where you are or with someone. We don't know what lies ahead, and that can be terrifying but what should scare or better yet, motivate us, is the idea of remaining where we are or who we're with. Do we want to last forever; are we okay with that? To be stuck, stagnant, static - that is what should prompt us to act, to take a leap, move forward, conquer our fear, and take on something or someone new. We have to be the ones to do something our situations. We should not complain unless we're willing to do something about our circumstances? Are we? If so, how? We cannot have new experiences if everything about who we associate with or where we place ourselves stays the same. We have to be brave for just a moment or two, to do the hard thing, to break up, quit, or declare what we want, and then go towards it.

The "what ifs" and the "whatabouts" won't sustain us. They stifle us. Keep us complacent, afraid, powerless. What is powerful is speaking what we want into existence. Then taking tangible steps to bring our dreams, wishes, and hopes to life. We have to take action. We have to make moves. We have to be the ones to save ourselves. We have to be bold and back up our boldness with action. Too many times we end up being the thing that prevents us from experiencing our breakthrough, from our blessings, from our best life. We. Us. We have to get out of our own way. We have to choose ourselves, and choose to expend our energy in productive ways for us to thrive. When others are not choosing us, when we're being passed over, when we're overlooked, when we're neglected, and when we're unloved - that's where we get to channel all the effort, energy, and experiences we have into us. We get to be our own champions. We get to fight to win. We get to be in control of us. When we have the opportunity to make change that's when we have to have the gumption to do so, and to then actually do so. Not getting what you need - stop seeing one another. Not being fulfilled or valued - find a different environment. Not being challenged or supported - follow your passions elsewhere. Leave. Go. Do it. That moment of unbearable terror is soon followed by pride in ourselves and relief that we did what we needed to do, for us, and only us. X