Where I Belong

Being a teenager is all about figuring out where you belong. Life puts you in so many different situations, with random people, and it's up to you to find a place where you fit in. Then there's that one thing, like what happens when you don't fit in. Is that a problem, and if so for who? As teens, we're open to differences, but when we are stubborn, stuck in our ways, and closed off - we're the craziest people on Earth. Whether you like it or not this is where I belong.
One of the questions people asked me a lot when I was at school was if I felt comfortable. I always thought it was a weird question, but as the year went on I became more and more aware of what it meant to feel comfortable. The other day my brother asked me if I've been somewhere and felt that I totally belonged there. It was a deep question, coming from him (lol, JK) and I told him that one of the few places where I've ever completely felt safe, secure, and free to be my total self was our house. I mean, that's how it is for a lot of people. But for me, that's probably the only place where I've ever felt like that. Completely myself, untamed, carefree and sure of not only myself but of everyone around me. I've come to realize that I never really felt that way at school. You know when you can tell someone is judging you, they're staring at you with those knowing eyes (like you know what - you don't know me) and you feel like you're every move, word, and action is being scrutinized? It's a weird thing to notice, and I notice it almost all the time. The flip side to that is when I'm feeling totally at ease I can break the fourth wall like an episode of Sister, Sister, Zeke & Luther, or the Bernie Mac Show and realize that I'm feeling good. I'll just start smiling, and just laughing to myself because it's when I've reached that euphoria, where I don't have to care about anything other than having a good time. I can pinpoint exactly when and where it happens, it's usually with my friends when we're just hanging out and sitting around. When it happens with people that I'm not used to acquaintances or people I got to meetings with that's my signal to take notice of this person and make sure to add them to my collection of friends. If you can make me feel in that surreal state of lackadaisical nonsense, we've got to be friends. That's when I realize, I'm right where I belong.
Feeling like you belong somewhere, being comfortable where you are, who you're with

The perfect example of feeling out of place comes in the form a Lifetime Movie. Don't knock them just yet. While a lot of them about crazy women having scandalous adulterous affairs and killing men - there's lots to be learned. The movies are actually pretty good. One of my favorites "Sundays at Tiffany's" starring Alyssa Milano and Eric Winter was on the other day. The whole imaginary friend thing become a real person and being totally out of place in the natural society is quirky and relatable. It's a real love story and definitely worth watching. Then there was "Scents and Sensibility" about these two sisters who's dad was convicted of fraud and they lost everything and had to get real jobs. I think it was based on a true story or something, but it was actually really interesting. I kind of feel that way, since I've never actually worked at a job how incredibly difficult it'd be to be in the workplace for the first time. Talk about being seriously out of place. Lastly, my favorite LMN flick other than "7 Deadly Sins" based on the phenomenal book series by Robin Wasserman (BTW, those books > everything else - they seriously changed my life, and helped me through high school) "Blue Lagoon: the Awakening" with Brenton Thwaites and Indiana Evans. Teenagers stranded on a deserted island forced to survive with only each other to rely on. It's crazy, far fetched but absolutely watchable and believable. The entire movie they're wondering who they are and where they belong - the classic teenage struggles. Watch some lifetime, it's nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone does it, it's always on.

So you wanna know what actually happened on my birthday. It wasn't actually that much. I woke up to my dad telling his favorite prince happy birthday. Then my mom came in and called me prince Ali (like from Aladdin) and they both went off their separate ways. It was like 9 am when I woke up to my favorite songs of all time 1) Jesse McCartney "How Do You Sleep (Remix)" 2) Shane Harper "Hideaway" 3) One Direction "Stole My Heart" 4) The Wanted "Rock Your Body." I brushed my teeth, threw on some raggedy clothes (as in 8th grade gym clothes, why they still fit me - that's like Tootsie Pop, the world may never know) and went outside to my backyard to start filling and tying water balloons. I literally a pro at this now. I can fill and tie 50 water balloons in 15 minutes, that's like a world record or something. So I spent the whole day, that's right from 9 am to just about 6pm filling hundreds of water balloons. I'm not even kidding. Just sitting in the grass on a beach blanket and getting it done. I would stop every once in a while to go inside for refreshments and to check who had texted me HBD, which celebs had tweeted at me, and which of my facebook friends had actually written on my wall. It was an uneventful day and soon the time came for the festivities to begin. Slowly my friends began to arrive, Katelyn, Rachel, Taylor M, Cierra, Kelly, Taylor H, and Ryan. Small talk, and we moved the heavy weighted buckets, boxes and bags of water balloons to the front yard. We did my favorite pregnancy run where you put a full size balloon filled with water under your shirt and run a race with it. Let's just say, someone's water broke (I'm hilarious, deal with it). Then all of a sudden chaos broke loose and the water balloon war was on. I'm talking balloons of every color flying through the air. Water, splashing, dripping, and zooming every which way. The screaming, the cheering, the yelling and the fun - it's exactly how I wanted my birthday to be. I was perfectly in place with where I belonged. Being young, carefree and totally in the bliss that was a crazy water balloon fight. Neighbors came outside to look, and we were just going. Buckets of water, and water guns blasting until we're all good and soaked to the core. I'm talking wholeheartedly drenched like you'd just taken a dunk in the ocean. I had the biggest and brightest smile thanks to my awesome friends (and my orthodontist, s/o Dr. M). Soon we took a break and more friends, Chelsea and Rudy showed up. We took some pictures and sat in a circle just talking about all the hilarious things that happened at college. We went inside for some cupcakes and chatted for hours. That's my favorite thing to do, just sitting and talking with people who you click with. We all fit together and it's seamless. You can say whatever, do whatever, and it's such a memorable time. Happy to say, they made my birthday once again a day I will never ever forget. It's completely where I belong.

Being a teenager is all about finding your place in society. You can be you all you want but if you can't be yourself around other people then there's something wrong. You should be able to be free to express yourself, show you're true colors, and get real and deep whenever possible. No awkwardness, no drama, and no nonsense - cut the crap and lay it all out there. This is where I belong.
My blog post question for the day is ... where have you most felt out of place? That's a hard one because it happens a lot, almost all the time actually. I would say around new people especially. I can even describe the type of person that makes me anxious "fratty" fraternity bros (and I would know I'm in a fraternity, and none of us act like that) and superficial girl cliques. I just can't connect.


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