Ranting & Raving

Being a teenager is all about blowing your top at the most deserved things. Teenagehood and college go hand in hand with flipping the heck out, raging and taking names. Just because we're out of high school does not mean there are still not people who will piss you off. I've only encountered a few people that have turned my volcano of rage from dormant to an eruption of epic proportions. Watch out down below, Mount Joteng is about to blow. Let's get to some classic ranting and raving.

My biology class is pretty cool. The prof is his quirky self and the class is normal for the most part but there are few outliers that need to go. Specifically there's this kid who asks annoying questions. I'm talking the teach will spew off a paragraph of new information and he'll ask some dumbass question that vaguely has something to do with the topic. Dear random question poser, please disappear, you're unnecessary interruptions for your personal stupidity are slowing our class down to snail speed. Get a tutor, or better yet, before raising your hand Google the shat out of your ridiculous question. Next time you raise your hand some some imbecile crap I will beg you in the back of the head with my I-Clicker (no that's not an Apple Product, Steve Jobs and his resigning self have nothing to do with this). It doesn't help that he has an accent either. He's obviously African and I can relate, but I have no sympathy, if you've been in Ahmerrica for more than two years it's time to drop the act and cut the broken English, it's getting old. Speak some proper English or don't talk at all. Now, everyone has their own style of taking notes. I prefer taking my notes with my perfect handwriting in a spiral bound Mead FiveStar single subject college ruled notebook, while other people whip out their MacBooks (I'm a PC and proud of it) to type their notes. Good for you and your Lion Operating System, the problem I have is when people sit on facebook or watch YouTube videos in class. Listen here, if you're going to be ign'ant mute your speakers or plug in some headphones. I know you're online on FB creeping on the girl sitting in front of you, and chatting whatever random nobody is available, but if I hear one more recognisable chat message pop, I'mma pop you right in kisser, then I'm going to take my flash drive and shove it up your ... you get the picture. The absolute worst are the kids who are watching disgusting near porn or sickeningly violent videos on YouTube and they tap you to look over. Open your ears buckaroo, I don't know you, I'm trying to actually graduate in 4 years, and your incessant tapping on my arm has go to stop, you're like a kindergartner about to piss yourself. Get your grubby hands off me, I don't want to see whatever fart joke or horrible prank you're watching, it's called I'm getting an edumacation, mabe you should try is some time. Let it be known that if you tap me one more time, I'm going to pull a Heath Ledger (R.I.P. Joker) and my pencil will be magically delicious to watch end your life straight through your forehead. Just some ranting and raving, how am I doing so far?

Body Odor, the toxic fumes emanating from boys who don't know how to bathe or choose not you. Tell me why, I walk by this kid in one of my classes and faint a little. The dude smells like steaming sweating balls with steaming ass crack sauce. It's like the wind picks up and I vomit a little. I'm bringing a bar of Dove and a sponge to scrub the hell out that dude, a move reminiscent of Ben Sturky from That's So Raven. The kid is a smoking mess of burned flesh and dirty fingernail surprise. Take a damn shower. You smell disgusting and you walking around like a pit stop driving trucker makes me want to MJ deconstruct my nose just to not get a whiff of your stanky, do the stanky, well everything. We're in college in the Groovy UV, and while rumors have it there are hippies everywhere, I've seen few to none, they're like mythical Leprechauns but instead of a pot of gold, it's just pot; so you have no excuse to not shower regularly. Bathe boy bathe. And lastly, there's the packs of bros that walk around. It's funny to see guys form a wolfpack and act like the own the place. Jocktastic boy toys, remove the facial mask of jockstraps from your roid-raging face, and calm your cobra. Don't get it twisted, you ain't that big, and I have no problem holding my ground on the sidewalk. Coming at me with your cut-off shirts and gaudy sweat stains doesn't intimidate me, it makes me want to spray you with Febreeze and sew some sleeves on your flabby arms. Glozell said it best, "Stay on yo' side, don't try and hit me." It's a two way sidewalk, so keep to your part and I'll do mine. Shoulder me again without a sincere apology and lawsuits will be filed. If you haven't heard, I'm paying pretty much next to full price, and what's a little more for Justice Scalia to incarcerate your bulky ass. Oh, and couples, if I'm walking behind you, pull to the side, the sidewalk is a highway, and go back to knocking boots. If you're having vertical sex or just making out, in public don't block my path. I'm power walking to class and your orgy is harshing my mellow. If you're holding hands and coming towards me hogging the path, and I get clotheslined like a poor showing of wrestler prowess, I'm going to give to the People's Elbow, or you'll be smelling what the Rock (Dwayne Johnson) has been cooking. More ranting and raving, can I get a what what?

Being a teenager is all about finding things that just get on your nerves. So many people are so inconsiderate and just plain rude, and they need to chill with all that. I'm here to bust up the horseplay and the Tom Foolery (not Baby-Tom, little bro is the bomb). Get your act together or get ready for a subpoena of epic proportions. Ranting and Raving.

My blog post question for the day is ... how do people piss you off? Oh, don't worry there will be more to come, you can count on that.


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