Trust Issues

Being a teenager is all about trust. That includes both trusting yourself that you know what you're doing, or to do what's right for you and to trust other people. Both parts are easier said than done. It's  tough world out here and bad experiences leave a bitter after taste and the appetite for trust is ruined. How do you come back from that? How do you learn to trust people? How do you not let yourself get hurt again? I'll be the first to say I've got ... trust issues.

Trust - not something to be played around or given out so easily. It takes time to build and can quickly be lost. It's a hit or miss kind of thing. You're either trustworthy or you're not and once you've proven yourself to be the latter, it's kind of a done deal. It may sound dramatic, like Degrassi teenage melodrama (but actually though, Degrassi takes high school and does it justice) but it's the cold-hearted trust. As teens we're kind of a fragile/volatile breed. For us, everything is the end of the world. Patience, it's a virtue - one that very few of us have. It's now or never, put up or get out, showdown, bang-bang, kiss kiss, wham-bam, (Sabrina the Teenage Witch - "shake that whammy fammy funky song, funky song") done! I can say I pretty much exude that mentality. We do things my way, no highway option (yes I just quoted Vin Diesel in the Pacifier - solid movie). When it comes to trust, I'm a no BS (deuces - and I'm partially ashamed to say I love Chris Brown, his music - not his attitude and disrespectful unsightly behavior), cut the crap, straight edge (who really say that though?) kind of guy. Past experiences with the backstabbing, betrayal, rumor-spreading, and just in general people not taking my trust in them serious has left me scarred, numb and hyper-vigilant when it comes to combating attempts to enter the trust barrier. I'm a fortified castle, like Narna-style, and my London-bridge will not be coming down like (no, Fergie-Ferg, you're not wanted here) anytime soon. It wasn't until this week when I had my two-on-one with my RHA advisers where I talked about overall rarely being happy at school, almost everyone I know disappointing me, and no one ever impressing me. It became apparent that my standards might be so high, that I might be so precise in what I constitute friendship or trustworthy that I've prevented people from actually trying to show me what they've got. If that's true (and begrudgingly, I accepted it is) then I'm responsible for my own loneliness, I'm the reason, the cause, and perpetrator. That means I have no one else to blame, and I'm forced to check myself (look at your life, look at your choices). I feel like I'm pulling a freaking Keri Russell circa Felicity, an Alicia Silverstone in Clueless, and a Wentworth Miller in Prison Break by causing my own predicament. Yo, that ish be cray and it's hard to say (ooh, I made a rhyme), but it's the truth when I step back and look at it. Maybe I am too critical, subtly judgemental, and close-minded in the sense that people have to do a narrowly specific set of things to prove themselves worthy. It's nearly impossible, and I'm going to stay this way unless I take a look around and see who's actually there and look for the awe in everyday life. So many trust issues, so little time (tween Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, now look at them, billionaire fashion moguls).

The truth always comes out and it always hurts. That's one of the quotes I've coined and it's the honest to goodness truth. That's like preacher's status when you get the amens and the mhmms from the congregation in the pulpit. That was whole talk was yesterday and me being super thoughtful and reflective took that advice straight to heart and have been loosening the reigns a little bit. Just in the past day I've noticed a big difference. My interactions are more carefree, and I'm not as invested in other people being cookie-cutter clean cut and drawing lines. I'm promising to let people show themselves to me and for me to do the same but with different expectations. I have to take each person as their own instead of comparing them to the people I've already known and placed on a pedestal. I'm willing to work on myself, and it'll be a constant struggle, but I'll get there. I literally feel like Stephen Amell as Oliver Queen in Arrow (BTW, that show is practically perfect, ass-kicking, dark dialogue, and a solid story). Characters that have trust issues (aka all of them) just click with me. Annalynne McCord aka Naomi Clark from 9O21O is a prime example (she will forever be my favorite) along with Holly "Freaking" J. Sinclair from Degrassi (Charlotte Arnold could get it anytime, any place - that girl is mmph #havingamoment). Trust me when I say that everybody has trust issues. We've all been screwed over, taken advantage of, and used at one point in our lives or another. We have to move past that and not hold it against people - "forgive them father for they know not what they are doing" (uhm, Bible quotes). Most the people that come into our lives have nothing to do with the past trauma we've been through and yet get the butt of our despair. So many self-destructive characters, so pretty much everyone on the Vampire Diaries (can I just say that the show is so hard for me to handle because I always have these expectations of what they can do, who and how they can hurt - every episode those are shattered and I'm shocked), Pretty Little Liars (*spoiler alert - if Spencer is on the A-Team and really kidnapped Ezra's son, then I'm more than done - it's so freaking messed up, it's not even funny. Oh and Wren is shady as hell) all the main characters, Carrie Diaries (love me some AnnaSophia Robb, great actress and a real beaut but Chloe Bridges - that girl is too much for words #woof). Seeing as I'm shouting out crushes, can I just say how amazing Athena Karkanis looks, like damn. Trust issues abound, but we're capable of overcoming them if we try.
The answer I get every time I ask a question on facebook. >.>
Being a teenager is all about is all about self work. Improving yourself and how you interact with people is a neverending task. It's a lifelong pursuit to be the best you possible. Nobody's perfect, and while we may pretend we're flawless, everyone has things to work on. It may be annoying and it may get tiring but in the end it's worth it. When we stop trying and stay stagnant, that's when we give up and nothing changes. We've all got trust issues, we just have to work through them.
A BRAND NEW Degrassi episode airs tonight at 9 pm ET on MuchMusic & TeenNick!!
We’re curious, do you have any Degrassi Friday rituals? Popcorn? A blanket? Do you watch and tweet or tumble?
My blog post question for the day is ... what's your go to #struggles song? I would say the Wanted's "I'll Be Your Strength" - simple, but absolutely amazing.


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