We All Fall Down

Being a teenager is all about dealing with loss. The reality of life is that we can't always win, there will be times where we lose. If we never lose then we never learn to recover, strengthen ourselves and move on. All things come to an end, even life itself. It's the most difficult thing that anyone can deal with, let alone comprehend, but it's apart of the world we live in. We all fall down, but we have people there to pick us right back up.
Hearted from: http://chloemstone.tumblr.com/post/33978769846
Death, that is the end of a life. The thing about death is that it's so final. There's nothing you can do when it comes knocking on your door. You can beg, plead, and even try to bargain with the angel of death, the grim reaper, or all those bearers of bad news. It's all useless. Death knows no limits, it doesn't play fair, and it's indiscriminate towards who it takes and when it takes them. One minute someone is here, and the next they are gone. There are so many questions I have when it comes to death. It all stems from what you believe happens when you die. For me, death is nothing more than a new beginning. It's going back from where you came. I don't believe in a god, I believe in the God. Without that belief, for me, my entire existence, and everything I do in this world would be absolutely pointless. Maybe you believe the same thing, and maybe you don't but I believe that each and every one of us has a soul. It's the essence of who we are, and when we pass away our soul goes back to where it came from when we were born. Whether that's God himself or heaven, I have no idea. All I know is in my culture we have this saying, it's synonymous for saying that someone has died. In English it translates to "being called home." Like when you were little and it would get dark out and your mom and dad would call you inside for the night. When you die, your soul is called back to the creator. Death comes when we least expect and you can never be prepared for death. Once it happens, that's it. There's no going back. We live our lives oblivious that death could be knocking at our door at anytime, everything is a potential danger, and it's a precarious line we tread between life and death. I believe that there has to be a God, if there wasn't so many more deaths, including my own would have happened already. I believe in destiny, that we all have a purpose, and that our purpose in life is to find our purpose and then make the world better with our purpose. When we go, our time is up. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, we all fall down.

As I write this post tears stream down my face. My emotions are all over the place. I feel everything and nothing at the same time. I'm broken, and whole. I'm devastated and cannot comprehend why things like this happen. My aunt (everyone in my culture is your family, aunts, uncles, cousins, grand-parents ... that whole taking a village to raise a child, that's real for us) Tina was called back home on Sunday. I was sitting in my room blogging "Take Me Home" when my mom came up the stairs and I could see she was struggling. There were tears streaming down her face and I knew something terrible had happened. I rushed out of my bed to comfort her and ask her what happened and then she said it. I dropped to the ground and just sat there. I couldn't process, couldn't fathom or understand what she had just said. She was gone? Just like that. It couldn't be. I regained control of my body and then went to tell my sister. I was in shock. The utter disbelief was incomprehensible. My mother was lying, everyone was mistaken, this couldn't be real life. But I knew that it was true. So we sat there, my sister and I on her bed crying uncontrollable. Our breaths uneven, short, quick and strained. Salty tears rolling down my face, splashing on my arm. I didn't even know what to do with my hands. The pain was too much. I felt like I couldn't breath. Then our mom came to us and told us she was going to see my aunt's family, and I lost it. For me, the worst part of someone dying is not just losing that person, but the repercussions it has on their family. Their children or their siblings. I put myself in that situation and I can't handle it. The thought of losing my parents or my siblings is too much to bare. When I realize that is the reality of the person that has just been taken away, I break, shatter, and crumble. We cried and then sat in silence for an hour or so. My dad was so calm, like he knew that it was going to happen and honestly, he did. He told us it was okay and that we would be fine. I went to my room to blog, because it was all I could do to keep me from falling apart. I just sat there and wrote, and didn't think about anything or anyone else. I let the words flow from me and I told that story of my travel day, and now I'm doing the same and writing this one. When the tears stop, the pain subsides, and you can finally wrap your head around what has happened, you stand up and you keep pushing on - it's what you must do. We all fall down, but we will always get back up.
It’s important to be good to yourself, especially when others aren’t good to you. You deserve to be happy. One day at a time. Keep going.  Stay strong.
These stages of grief, I don't really get them nor do I care about understanding them. I know I went through some of them. I was in disbelief, and then for a few minutes I blamed myself, that I didn't pray hard enough for her and then I accepted that what was done was done. Processing, we all do it our own way. That is the most important thing to remember. Everyone grieves their own way, but it is essential to grieve. I'm a cryer, and I write to move past things. Other people need to yell and scream. Some people need hugs, and to be held tight. Let people grieve. The hardest part of any tragedy that occurs is that not everyone around you is aware of what has transgressed (unless you tell them) and it seems like you're going through it alone. Know that those who care about you will understand and be there for you when you need them most. The thing about falling down is that you have your friends there to catch you and set you back up on your way. Never ever forget that. "That's all life is. It's just one big fight after another ... you fight, and you keep fighting until you can't fight anymore. And then, when you can't, we'll be there to lift you up and carry you." (Dixon Wilson, 9O21O). My deepest condolences go out to my aunty, her husband, her children, and to everyone who had the privilege of knowing her. She was an amazing woman, one of the few people that my dad truly connected with on a deeply personal level, and a phenomenal friend to my mom. She came to our graduations and celebrations and supported us in a our endeavors. She was a strong woman, and one of the most generous people I've ever known. May she rest in peace, and may peace be with us all.

*Now, let me switch gears for a minute to discuss the series finale of 9O21O. It you didn't know, it's my all time favorite show (followed by Greek, Smallville and Arrow). Everything about it was me, the entire premise of the high society life and the drama that ensued. I connected with the characters and faithfully watched for five years. To say I was crushed to find out it was ending would be an understatement. I watched the series finale yesterday and it started with a retrospective from the cast and showrunners and it was really touching. Then the final episode showed and it was lackluster and left me with so many questions. I wish they had gotten a shortened 6th season and a proper send off, but you take what you get. I just want to say thank you for providing me entertainment, consolation and inspiration. What a truly amazing show, they'll never know how much it meant to me. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that it’s never over, it’s only just beginning”(Naomi Clark, 9O21O). We all fall down.
ill miss the best show ever made.
Being a teenager is all about accepting things for what they are. It's about fighting the good fight until it's all been said and done. You do what you can for as long as you can, and make sure you're content with what you've accomplished. There is always more to be done and things that could have gone differently, but things happen for a reason There's no other way that this year could have turned out any differently and you just accept it for what it is/was. We all fall down.
My blog post question for the day is ... what event has had a huge impact on your life? There are so many, bullying in high school, being involved with journalism, getting pranked freshman year, and all the chaos in between has shaped me to be who I am today.


Popular posts from this blog

Man Down


Trust Issues